How can you stop your child begging for something you have said 'No' to?
Last Updated: 07/24/2018 at 2:58pm
Lisa Meighan, BSc Psychology (Honours)
Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.
Top Rated Answers
By being consistent. If you cave in every now and then and give your child what they are begging for, they will just keep on begging in the hope you will cave again. Decide on your boundaries and stick to them. Ignore the behaviour you don't want and praise or reward the behaviour you do.
From my personal experience with 3 kids, I like using encouragement with children and setting consistent limits and boundaries while you are at the store. Prepare them before you go in by saying something like, "Today we will not be buying any toys or treat" so they know what to expect. When we always buy something for them at the store, they will come to expect. Instead of rewarding them with something at the store for being good, just do it as a surprise at times so that the expectation is not there. Also, give your child a chance to earn money at home by doing extra chores so that they can come to understand and appreciate the value of things and allow them to save for and purchase what they choose and can afford.
Keep the times you say 'no' consistent. If they know that in the past you've changed your answer from 'no' to 'yes,' they will continue to beg. Also, try to avoid negotiating with them over it. Oftentimes, I see parents negotiating with their children after they start to beg. This re-enforces begging, as they know it'll result in negotiating the initial answer.
A simple 'no' sometimes doesn't work, you have to give the reasons for that 'no' until they are satisfied.
In psychology they talk about the reward and punishment factor. If the child begs again put them in time-out. If they do something that is in your favor, reward them by saying how great they are.
You can stay firm and calm and keep saying 'no'. If you do not intend to follow through don't say no to begin with.
Try Active listening. It will help and it works. Just Google it and try to learn more about it. That was quit easy.
If a no eventually turns into a yes, you are training your child to beg. If the begging is counterproductive, it will stop. Example: " No, you may not have anymore candy today." Begging begins. " If you don't stop begging, you won't get any tomorrow, either." Very effective.
It all depends what he begs for. after all as parent you must set boundaries even if they dont like it
Usually I find it most helpful to get down on their level, look them in the eye, and tell them the answer is no and will not change, and if they ask again they will be put in time out/privilege taken away, etc. Then it just comes down to consistency. When they ask again, follow through with the discipline you told them would follow, and ignore their begging. When they see you will follow through, and that your no means no every time, they will learn it's not worth asking over and over.
Tell them if they keep begging for it, you will have to take away one of their favorite toys, or if they are older take privileges away such as a cellphone/TV. Also, explain to them why they are not getting what they are begging for.
Clearly state your conditions for them to acquire what they want. "Each your veggies or no desert", "do your chores or no money" You don't have to continue responding once it's clear they understand your terms. It's okay to sounds like a broken record. "You heard my answer, now it's your decision what to do"
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