Tell him it's time for him to be an adult and you can no longer support him fully anymore. My Mother did this with my sister. She told her she would still help her because she knows it's hard but she needs her to figure out what being an adult is about and stop relying on people. Just tell him you love him and you support him, but it's time for him to move on and make a life.
Reading this question made me remember an article I read once on the topic. I will try and summarize what I recall from it as it made good sense at time of reading.
Firstly, you have to take a long, objective look at yourself. Your son didn't get to where he is out of nowhere. Try and find out which of your behavior is hindering rather than helping the process - for instance: do you pay for everything yourself? Do you always give money when he asks? Do you say nothing when he promised to look for a job but never do so? These are enabling behavior and in the long run, they are not helpful to your son.
Don't ask or request, tell! Tell your son that he needs to move out/get a job or else the financial assistance will end soon. Set reasonable deadlines and stick to it - tough love is the way to go.
If there is an underlying mental illness, seek help. Treatment may take a while before starting to help so you may have to delay the moving out process a while.
It helps to think of your son as an adult, equal to you with equal opportunity to make it in this world instead of thinking of him as a child. Technically he is your child, but he is not a child anymore. Our brains pick up on the "child" word and as a result all our parental instincts towards a young child kick in: we want to protect him at all costs, we want to care for him and provide for him because he will does not yet have the skills to do so on his own etc. Your son is an adult now, think of him as such.
Do NOT beat yourself up about getting your son to move out. By getting him to move out, you are actually showing him that you believe in him. You believe he is capable enough to make it on his own, and you are giving him the opportunity to believe in himself, who knows what other skills he may discover once on his own!
Lastly, having said all that, this can be a very emotional draining time for you. Take care of yourself and seek and accept help when needed. All The best.
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November 27th, 2014 6:06am
If you're a parent with a son in his 20's or 30's who won't move out of the house, you should probably see a professional yourself to get help on how to deal with your son. The first step is probably helping him get a job and the second step is getting him to move out. A life coach or therapist can help both you and your son accomplish both of these things! Stay positive and don't be negative towards your son.
Open up to him sincerely and calmly. If you need to prepare beforehand, write down all the things that concern you about him staying at home. Being prepared in this manner will be easier for you to focus on the issue and not go into any tangents in case he tries to deflect the subject matter. Show empathy and love in your decision. Let him know the real heartfelt concerns. Come to an agreement on a compromise if possible. Outlining a timeline for him and sticking to it. Show him that there is love and compassion in this decision.
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November 16th, 2015 10:52am
Try sitting down and having a chat. Maybe he is struggling more than you think. How is he financially? Is he suffering from a mental health issue? You need to talk to him calmly or he won't open up. Dint force him or he will resent you for it. As his mother you need to let him know that you will support him no matter what.
Assist him to a place of his own and tell him that he needs to start being independent. Tell him that you will not be there forever for him and it is time for him to learn to live and be responsible for himself.