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minecraftdirt
229 M Embraced 2
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts17 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 13, 2022
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i thought i was over it
General Support / by minecraftdirt
Last post
 October 29th, 2022
...See more one of my coworkers from my summer job became someone who i thought wanted a relationship with me. we would talk and hangout all the time before i moved into college, and even then, we kept in touch and always talked about us eventually dating. at the time, i didn’t realize it was lovebombing, but they gave me a bunch of their stuff (hoodies, necklaces, etc) and made me feel important. previously, i had been hesitant to be in a relationship, but they made me genuinely want to try for a relationship. they just gave me a lot of hope. but then things ended last month because they said they were emotionally unavailable and we haven’t really spoken since even though they said we could still be friends. the past month has been filled with ups and downs (mostly downs) where i find myself blaming myself for “not being good enough” or just generally thinking i did something wrong. recently, i thought i was okay with it and came to terms with us not speaking, but now i’m back into feeling like i was the one that messed things up and that i just miss having them present in my life. it just sucks having so much hope and happiness with a person just for things to not go the way you thought they were going to be. and the thing is, they’re a genuinely good person so i honestly can’t be mad at them. i just wish things worked out, but i also know that this is for the best. i don’t know, i’m just confused and hurt right now. and i feel like if i open up about this to my IRL friends, they’ll just say the same things and tell me to get over it, or say “omg still?” they always tell me to move on, but i just genuinely cared for this person and for us to not be anything after everything we did and said, it all just sucks. :/
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newly diagnosed and on meds
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by minecraftdirt
Last post
 October 20th, 2022
...See more this past weekend, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, specifically bipolar depression, and i’m taking seroquel. i started the meds two days ago and already notice changes. i know that it’s supposed to improve my mood and stuff, but it makes me feel concerned about certain things. for example, i feel like i don’t think that much anymore. my mind used to race all the time and i’d easily get overwhelmed but it just feels like there’s nothing going on in my mind. which scares me since i’m not used to being “calm” i guess. and i used to not dream when i slept, but now i have dreams and i can’t differentiate whether they’re real or not because they feel real when i wake up, if that makes sense. i also feel more fidgety and anxious during the day. like i have to do multiple tasks at once and when i’m doing one thing, i immediately start doing something else too. i’ll go from periods of doing multiple things at once, to just sitting there and not wanting to do anything. i don’t know, i’m just concerned about my experiences and want to see if anyone else has had these symptoms when starting medication. people i’ve reached out to told me i’ll “get used to it” but it’s still concerning to me. i’m also going into this mindset where the only reason i’m “okay” is because i’m on meds. i just don’t like that thought process since it makes me feel not normal i guess.
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back in class
Depression Support / by minecraftdirt
Last post
 October 20th, 2022
...See more today’s my first day back in class since last week. i was able to skip class yesterday, but i wanted to go to class today and be strong. i feel like i can’t afford to skip class. but now that i’m in class, i’m getting thoughts that i don’t belong here and to walk out like i did last week. i’m trying to ignore them and remind myself to stay calm, but being surrounded by people and everyone talking is making me overwhelmed. i’m going to try and get through class. we’ll see what happens.
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nevermind
Depression Support / by minecraftdirt
Last post
 October 16th, 2022
...See more i walked out of class. i have never left a class early because of my mental health. i sat there crying and telling myself i’m a burden for two hours. i wasn’t even concerned about myself. i was concerned that i was making those around me uncomfortable and that i was hurting them by being sad around them. so i left. i’m at my breaking point. i’m tired. i want it all to stop.
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confused
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by minecraftdirt
Last post
 October 26th, 2022
...See more i’ve been “out” for over a year now. i’m pansexual and identify with she/they pronouns. i’ve always questioned my identity and i’m trying to find myself, but i get discouraged by other people. i don’t like when people call me “girl” and when i voice my opinion, they tell me they understand, but then say things like “oh it’s just a habit, get over it.” i just feel invalidated and think i should just conform to what other people see me as instead of fighting for my identity. i’ve even been told i’m not “gay enough” to be part of the lgbtq+ community. i’ve considered switching (if that’s the right term) to they/them pronouns, but i feel like people won’t care or just brush it off like they do currently. it also doesn’t help that i’m more fem-presenting so people overlook my identification as nonbinary. i want to be able to be who i am and who i want to be, but i just don’t feel comfortable because of the people around me. any help is appreciated.
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overwhelmed
General Support / by minecraftdirt
Last post
 October 15th, 2022
...See more in advance, i’d like to establish a trigger warning to sensitive topics, so please read at your own discretion. for some background, i was diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and psychosis when i was younger. it’s been over 5 years since i’ve seen a therapist, mostly because my parents told me i didn’t need it anymore. but things haven’t been great lately, so i thought i’d try this app. i haven’t felt “happy” for a long time. even when i smile or laugh or whatever, it’s always temporary and never fulfilling. i tend to get stuck in my head and feel like i’m not allowed to feel okay with my life which makes me spiral. the amount of times i have thought about hurting myself or ending things has been concerning to me. i simulate taking a lot of pills to see how much i can take without actually overdosing. i get strong urges to harm myself, but i’m surprised i haven’t acted on them. i cry almost every week, multiple times a week, for the past month or so. i feel like i can’t talk to anyone irl about my feelings or thoughts because they get invalidated or it’s always the “oh, just take it a day at a time” lecture that i’ve heard so many times. it just feels like i’m not understood and people tell me that i’m not supposed to feel certain ways about situations, but aren’t feelings part of being human? i’m a college student and within a month of this school year, i’ve felt completely burnt out. i feel like school is just a daily simulation and it‘s the same day on repeat. i lack motivation to do my work and even though i still get it done, i just don’t care about being an “A” student anymore. like i’m just getting by and everyone tells me i can do better, but i don’t feel like i need to do better, if that makes sense. i just feel like a lot of people expect so much from me, to the point where i can’t tell the difference between their expectations and my own. i’ve been doing a lot of reflection on this year and my friendships and relationships that have come and gone. i fell out with my closest friends in march and i still blame myself for things ending. last month, i got into an argument with someone i thought i was close with, but they ended up calling me names and saying negative things to me that they knew i was sensitive about. then this person who mutually wanted a relationship with me, ended things because they said they weren’t emotionally available. and i’ve been blaming myself and trying to get over them but it’s hard. they said that we could stay friends, but every time i would try to have a conversation, it just felt like they were shutting me out. i haven’t contacted them for about 3 weeks, but i still have the urge to reach out. i want to be friends and just be able to talk, but it just feels like they don’t want to which hurts. my family life has been okay lately. but every now and then i think about things or a family member says something that i’m sensitive about and i just get so fixated on it that i tear myself apart. yesterday, my older brother told me his graduation would be the same day as my birthday and i immediately got flashbacks to every instance in my life where our parents chose him over me. since he’s older and the firstborn, our parents focused on him and gave him everything he wanted. but for me, they always compared me to him and i just wish i didn’t have to fight for their love and attention. with any of my siblings (younger or older), it just feels like i get the short end of the stick. to those that have read this entire thing, i appreciate it. i just needed to get some of my recent thoughts out. replies on anything would be appreciated.
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i’m new
Depression Support / by minecraftdirt
Last post
 October 17th, 2022
...See more not too sure how this works. a friend/classmate of mine recommended this since i’m not 100% into going back into talk therapy. it feels like things are getting worse, so here i am, i guess. it feels like i haven’t felt genuinely happy in a long time. it’s like all the happiness i do get is “temporary” and then i get stuck in my head and start spiraling over and over. i have not-so-great thoughts and feelings that make me scared of myself. i don’t talk about these things in real life because i don’t want to scare the few people i have around me. a huge part of me is thinking that i don’t have much time left. i guess i’m just looking for some form of escape or somewhere i can vent without feeling judged. just something that will let me get my thoughts out.
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