Am I missing out on best years of my life?
Hi guys,
So I'm 21 years old female and I'm a student.
I live in student dorms and don't really have many friends nor do I go out often, actually I almost never go out.
Well today there was this party in a student club that is basically next door to dorms and it was loud but music was great, atmosphere too I'm pretty sure and it was students only so people around my age were there
Only problem I didn't even knew about it until it started
Then I started feeling like I'm missing out on one of important student life experiences
But even tho I wanted to go I didn't have anyone to go with. My roommates left for weekend, as did few of my friends. And ultimately I didn't want to bother anyone out of blue so I didn't even ask few that I could have. And I wasn't sure how to buy a ticket is is at door kind of thing or should I have brought one online?
Still i feel like I'm missing out and I'm kinda sad about it.
I think this kind of student party is like a once a year thing? I might try going next year but that doesn't erase that right now I feel like a looser.
There were so many songs that I love. The dj is perfect. Usually I know maybe 1/4 of songs at party and rest of time I just dance awkwardly but this time I really wish I was there cause I knew like 4/5 of songs
I guess i just wanted to vent so thanks for reading, and if anyone has any advice on how to be more outgoing, how to behave at parties, or how to enjoy life in general drop a comment :)
@crimsontime
Hello. I hope this message finds you well. It made sense you'd feel that sting of FOMO, especially when your favorite songs are there being enjoyed by everyone. It's tough when you're already feeling isolated without your friends, and now a huge events are happening next door.
It can sure make the dorm feel even quieter than usual.
But it'll be okay, it doesn't make you a loser at all. It is sad at the moment, but your friends will be back.
I hope you know you don't have to change yourself for the likes of some people. If you're introverted, that's perfectly okay. It just means your battery recharges with spending time for yourself and quiet times, than loud socializing. There are people who will accept you for who you are.
I think being outgoing doesn't mean being loud. It's having confidence even knowing you'll be ignored, being yourself and sharing your own interests, see if anyone relates.
There are people who will ignore you, but that's okay. It's not about you, it's just mean they don't share the same interests as you.
You mentioned you actually had a few people you could have asked, but you didn't want to bother them. It’s so common to feel that way, but often, friends actually love being the one to help someone get out and have fun.
Making your life happier doesn't mean loud parties, it's spending on things and people you care about, and people who cares about you.
Hi thank you so much for responding
You have no idea how much everything you said means to me and it made me feel better
And as you said yeah I might be introverted and have different ways to relax but my friends would still love to hangout with me. I reached out to one friend and even tho she can't hang out now we plan on going out tomorrow instead and she seemed happy I asked
I guess there wasn't any need for me to be so anxious, she didn't dismiss me even tho she couldn't exactly say yes and we found a good alternative that works for both of us
And I guess that is friendship, finding common ground and interests, making compromises and making sure everyone is having a good time
Thank you again for everything you've said <3
@crimsontime
Glad things worked out well. There's no shame being anxious, sometimes brain just love catastrophizing everything, especially when it's too quiet.
Have fun with your friend.
@crimsontime
This is a good learning moment ... What was the worst that could happen if you asked someone, they say they can't make it? If you went to door and someone, I am sure could have told you how to get a ticket if one was needed.
A missed party or event is not a big loss but maybe next time you can walk next door and check it out. ask yourself ..Why Not?
The things we regret are things we did not try.
I totally plan on going next time
I guess I was anxious for no reason, even if my friends said no it wouldn't have been end of the world and it wouldn't have been such a burden to just ask but I didn't
I did ask my friend to hang out some other time tho and that's something
As for asking qbput tickets, again it wouldn't have been so bad if I did ask but I just didn't feel comfortable asking someone I don't know and going alone
Thanks for commenting :)
@crimsontime
We all have been in that situation and next time anxious pops up too sometimes. I have had to force myself to make a call or reach out.
I have a friend we sometimes sit at home and when we do get together, we talk about all the times we did not call or set things up because we assumed the other was busy instead of calling and finding out. I can only imagine how many are bored or lonely assuming others are always busy.
@crimsontime
Hello dear ,I hope this text reches you well, I get what you going through and believe me this atrocious phase will pass . I have friends and I’m student just like you . However, I feel lonely but I don’t let that control me because I’m certain if I cracked then I will sink in abyss of depression . Remind yourself daily that you’re matter and I wish you the best dear . If you ever felt down text me I’ll answer you no matter what . Don’t forget you’ll meet People and you’ll become to them everything , I’m so certain of that .
Thank you so much, it means a lot knowing that I'm not alone. And I might take you up on that offer to text you sometime it's just easier to talk to someone
@crimsontime
when i was 21 i felt this same way so i started going out with my mom every single day! made my own "friends" i went from not going out at all to being outside everyday and honestly isn't worth it the people you think you made while going out isn't your friend unless you are outside i say hang with a few REAL friends and enjoy your life and if you end up at a few parties then enjoy yourself and don't think about others just because you don't go out much does not make you a loser it makes you smart nothing good comes for going out i know personally.
Thank you for saying that, and you are right some "friends" that I have or had are just my friends when we go out while others are there for me even though boring and hard times in my life, still I'll try going out occasionally cause balance is important I guess