Relationship issues
I am a full time physician with 12 hour work days, my wife is also a physician but currently stays at home to take care of our newborn ( also pregnant with another baby), she expects me to clean dishes after a long day, while I suggest keeping the dishes dirty until following day when the maid comes in, but she doesn't like it and fights. Is it fair for a homemaker/stay at home spouse (who makes zero financial contribution) in running a household and still ask for 50% help in household chores and at the same time keep complaining day in and day out? My spouse is a nice person in general. Talking to her about this is a nightmare
@drrab88
Talking about this is a no-win situation ....
it does not come down to reality but a contest about who has it tougher and what work is valued and the financial contribution thing will be taken wrong.....
Honestly if she wants you or her to clean up before Maid starts her shift why have help...... makes no sense to me. if you can do small items fine but it seems more of a power struggle then about dishes.
@toughTiger6481What should I do?
@drrab88 Have the maid come in every day! OR Buy paper plates and use them on the maids day off. OR ask your wife what’s really bothering her. OR take amphetamines on the maids day off so you have energy to clean. OR get a nanny to help your wife with the kids.
@drrab88 Being a physician with long workdays is tough, and so is being a stay-at-home mom. But especially taking care of a newborn is a very stressful task. Both of you are doing important work though. I think it may help you to first acknowledge and appreciate your wife for her contribution as this may be an especially frustrating and challenging time for her and her complaining maybe also stems from her feeling overwhelmed or feeling alone or just the toll that being a new mom takes on one. I don't know. Small acts/words of appreciation can go a long way. Maybe do something nice for her and then have an open communication where you can express how you feel as well and seek a solution together. It seems you genuinely care for and appreciate your wife so all the best to you. Remember you are a TEAM. All the best!
@drrab88, It is pretty clear you are both exhausted and for good reason. I agree with much of the above. Find a time you are both calm, let her know you appreciate her situation and suggest you sit down together (NEXT to each other) and work out an acceptable solution TOGETHER
Thank you so much for the support. I am hurt by the name calling and insults and dont even want to communicate, while missing her at the same time. I told her I will ignore her (hopefully to train her to not be disrespectful). I feel society is sometimes unfair to males (who can't make excuses to be impolite), whereas females can be the most irrational ... Justified by hormones, pregnancy..
I just want to cry somewhere, how would you deal with such a situation?
@drrab88 Balancing household responsibilities can be challenging, especially when both partners have demanding careers. It's essential to have open and honest communication to address the issue and find a solution that works for both of you.
Thank you. I will take a breaknfrom communication, until I heal and try to reconnect
@drrab88 Communication can be challenging sometimes. Give you and your wife, mother of your newborn, some grace. Having a new baby uses so much energy, physically and emotionally, and there is so much change that's comes with it. Take a breath in and out and as your breathe in, say to yourself "compassion for me" and as your breathe out, "compassion for her and baby."
Slow your reaction down, and when you feel the time is right, communicate with your wife about these things that are on your mind.
I wish y'all the best in this new life period of yours. Take care of each other.
You guys are amazing. I was looking for support like this
@drrab88. Do you have a dishwasher? The plates could be placed directly into the dishwasher instead of the sink. Then just press a button if she wants the dishes cleaned before the maid comes.