Why am i here
I came here months ago looking for something. I am not sure what. All i know as i felt empty.
Since then i have participated in Chats, The Forums, Huddles, etc..
I have not fit in very well since i don't speak the preferred language. I have had several of my posts removed for simply not being helpful. I don't know how to be helpful i guess.
7Cups idea of being helpful is standing by the wayside and saying I hear you. I certainly hear them and often have been in their situation before so i feel i have the truth to tell.
I have a harsh view of life. This is born from 57 years of experience. My posts reflect this and i feel like i am not being true to myself when i am encouraged to post things like "It will all work out" when i know there is no guarantee that it will. Call me a cynic or realist, whatever you like. What i don't want is to lie to people just to make them feel good. They will find out the truth eventually and be hurt once more.
@Gettingbettertoday
I see you around the forums a lot. I'm really glad that you found Cups!
I'm sorry that you feel like you don't fit in. Is it mainly the language barrier or do you feel something else is stopping you from fitting in?
Sometimes posts/threads are removed and it can be hard. But you can always chat to @Tommy if you have any questions or concerns about that.
I don't think anyone would want you to lie or not be truthful about your experiences or how you're feeling!
You're welcome to message me too if you would like about issues that you're having on Cups to see if I can answer any questions that you have 😊
@beck1
I was afraid this was going to be misunderstood. I should have clarified that by 7cups language i meant that i do not speak Touchy Feely.
Def: "kind and loving, especially by touching and holding people more than is usual, often in a way that makes other people uncomfortable:". I am the other person in that definition.
That very expectation of behavior makes me feel out of place here.
@Gettingbettertoday
I'm sorry I misunderstood about the language barrier but now I understand what you're meaning 😊 Everyone is different and no one expects you to be a certain way! I'm sorry if someone has made you feel otherwise!
@Gettingbettertoday I truly believe that everyone here should be no one other than their true self. We, as people, cannot fully accept others if people are not being their authentic self. To be anything else can be very damaging. I encourage you to be who and how you are. I do not think that you do not know how to be "helpful" because the fact that you took the time to post this, shows you care deep down. I agree with you in the sense that not everything will work out because in that time, the struggles people face are very much real and they have the right to feel how they want. That is their truth. I am only in my 30s so I do not have the same wisdom and life experiences as you. I think you have a lot to offer others and it all begins on just being true to who you are. I like to consider myself an optimistic, so I am the person that does believe that healing comes within time and that things happen for a reason. I want to truly thank you for taking time out to write this post expressing how you feel. I am sorry that you feel you do not fit in but I am hopeful that by continuing to be yourself, the right kind of people will come around and accept you just as you are. Being "harsh" with your life views and being a realistic, I want you to know that I accept you nonetheless! :)
@Gettingbettertoday
First of all so glad you are here. You are active in 7cups. I hope you feel less alone being here.
People come to cups and post looking just that a community of like minded peeps. 7cups is a place where we want to positive & encouraging responses not to say you will be perfectly fine no but just say I got you and I understand you, I have been there etc …
You can wish them well and encourage others. Those kind of things are more than fine.
There is huge value knowing you are not alone. Continue to do that and it is appreciated.
You are part of this community and love your participation. There are guidelines for forums I will post the link here …
I hope this helps you as a guide to what is permitted in the forums.
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
Its not that i don't know the rules. I am a rules fool. "If a forum post is not helpful, nor positive, then it will be deleted."
Since i am chronically depressed being positive is not easy and sometimes not even an option.
@Gettingbettertoday. There was one post that you made that I had to think about. When I came back to respond it was gone. I wonder if your valid point was rephrased it might have been accepted.
@Gettingbettertoday
I think you have some very valid points and like you i sometimes respond with a reality check...
the idea of just saying i hear you IMO is hollow and I really do not get telling a person how great they are by a few paragraph post. It is false sense of support at best and setting some up for further disappointment as well.
@Gettingbettertoday This is almost a post that I could've written.
The reason for the qualifier "almost" is that after multiple instances of having posts removed (not in 7Cups, yet) & running into other friction online, I've had to learn a little bit of tact.
Yes, life is not all rainbows & butterflies. Suffering is guaranteed for everyone while contentment, let alone any kind of joy, is strictly optional. You know it, I know it, any non-oblivious person knows it. It certainly calls into question the old chestnut "life is a blessing", to say the least. Life usually stinks. When it isn't painful it is often boring. Most of humanity doesn't amount to much; the vast majority exist only to consume, pollute & beget more of their kind. Every solution to a problem, in the process of being implemented, causes new problems. If something can go wrong, it will...& usually at the worst possible moment. (Murphy's Law is as real as any law of physics.) It is rare to meet someone who uses his/her head for more than a mannequin for hairstyles &/or something to put earbuds in--I speak from experience here. Your experience likely isn't too different from mine in certain respects. Having said all that, at some point I realized that many people are just not ready for these truths. In most convos, online or off, it doesn't pay to tell them to whoever you're talking to. Most people either don't want to face the facts or just aren't ready. I don't see that changing anytime soon.
You might want to consider the above when posting in comment threads here. Like you, I don't see much use in responding with the old soft soap. Most of the time I don't do that. Instead I try to add a perspective that the OP may not have considered, if I can. You could try doing that, too...just my thoughts. Take 'em for what they're worth, if anything.