50+ Check-in July 22-25, 2019
Hi 50+ people, I wish you all a wonderful Monday. 
We all know it, getting older means less energy so it is more important than ever to spend our energy wisely.
So today's question is:
What drains your energy and how can you change it?
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Dont know if this is relevant but my partner of 8 years has just left me feeling soooo low at 52
Aw mate, that
@mooboxer i am very lucky i have many friends and family but cant see any happiness right now
I
@mooboxer just everywhere i go reminds me of him as we shared so much and i end up crying everywhere!
@lauralew
@lauralew
@lauralew
This must be so hard for you HUGS. I just want you to know that we are here for you 🧡 if you like to vent. Self-care is very important at this time, is there something you liked to do when you were single and you might not have done anymore when in the relationship , any hobbies or just something you always wanted to do?
@lauralew I am so sorry for your loss. That must be rough to go through.
I hope you have support to get you through this rough time. You may find this self help guide of interest https://www.7cups.com/breakup-advice/
The thing that drains my energy is the director of the department I work in. No way to change that, all I can do is avoid him. Fortunately, my boss is a very good guy.
@Offmytrack
It simply sucks having to avoid people, glad though that your boss is nice.
@amiablePeace77, you are so right. I have had to avoid people several times in my life, it always sucks. Eventually things do get better though. Lately the director has been much nicer to me.
@Offmytrack
Offmytrack, great to hear that the director is nicer now. What do you think happened? I wonder whether he finally saw what kind person you are.
@amiablePeace77 - I don't know what happened with the director. I am rather suspicious of his actions. Every time he has been like this, he has eventually blown up at me. He is the reason I am planning to retire, a thought that has always terrified me.
@Offmytrack retiring can be scary if we are unprepared. The last couple years before retirement are times to start exploring new outlets that might work for you in retirement. One thing one can do is make a Work appreciation journal. Name all the things that you value about work
EX Socializing, being needed, getting rewards and recognition, etc
Then start experimenting. Yoga classes for exercise and socializing, support groups, hobbies, volunteering, and whatever "floats your boat"!
Then you retire and already have things you know you like and want to do and you start the 2nd day on your quest for the ultimate career, retirement. It is not scary it is a new adventure.
You also might do a "bucket list" of things you want to do while you are alive. No one wants to look back and say "Gee, I wish I had done that!"
@soulsings - All very good stuff there. I have an inspiration for retiring, my girlfriend who is always busy with all sorts of things. I now have some ideas about what I could do.
I don't think I have missed much in my life.
@Offmytrack glad to hear you feel good about it.
@Offmytrack
Retirement can be awesome provided it is planned, Soul gave you already some very good information. I believe as long as we keep busy in our minds, find meaning in retirement and have goals it can be the best time of our lives. I wish you will have such a good time.
Hope your director will not blow up again but that this nice behavious is genuine this time 🤞
People who are critical of me drain me.
I meditate and I am able to find a deep state of inner peace. But when people are critical or confrontational, I become anxious. I am learning to get in touch with that inner peace during these times by focusing on my breaths. It is an ongoing progress.
@Kavajava
You are right, learning to deal with criticism and confrontation is an ongoing process but it seem you are doing well by getting in touch with that part of you which needs attention and taking your breath as anchor. Lots of people have issues to deal with those emotions, you are not the only one.
I'm introverted by nature, so being around alot of people for extended periods is exhausting for me. Also being around high energy people can really tire me out.
I try to take both in small doses! If i know I will be spending time with a crowd, I try to plan some downtime/alone time so that I can recover and balance out.
@MissPen any collection of people that includes multiple conversations, or anything loud enough to interfere with thinking, are the biggest drain on my energy.
Also any activity that makes my back hurt.
@stressBear
Bear, I find multiple conversations and loud noise make the brain work excessively, so hard to get focussed. Mindfulness meditation helps me to calm and also deep breathing when I feel a wave of "stimuli" approaching me.
Sorry to hear about your back problems. Could very gentle yoga for backpain be something worth to try?
@amiablePeace77 Thanks.
Breathing helps in a lot of situations. When I can, I use noise-canceling headphones (which are actually designed not to block speech much) plus a website that has a really good rain-noise generator.
Haven't done any yoga at all since I experimented with it when I was in high school over 50 years ago, but I have a few stretches that work pretty well when I remember to do them.
Love the rain noise! Glad it helps, I think at our age we are hopefully learning how to cope with negative stuff@stressBear
@stressBear
the sound of rain is so soothing, easy to fall asleep for me too.
Stretching is great too, helps the body but also the mind to stay flexible. What about putting it on your to-do-list to make it a regular habit?
@amiablePeace77 Putting stretches and exercises on my to-do list sounds like a good idea, especially now that my wife has her own set from yesterday's PT session. We can do them together.
Actually what I usually end up falling asleep to is a purring cat. That works too, as long as she gets enough skritches first.
@stressBear
Hope you two have lots of fun too when doing the stretching exercises, it's more joyful to do in a team (to me)
The sound of purring cats is sooo relaxing - they are truly experts in relaxation.
@MissPen I relate to that. I have been getting lots of pure loneliness now that I have a summer break though.
@MissPen
MissPen, as an introvert it's much harder to deal with those waves of "energy vibes" and sensations coming toward you when around lots of people, too much to process and that's draining. Planning some downtime is an awesome idea.
Illness, I can't really change that aspect, but I can use meds, limit my triggers, pace myself to manage my illnesses as best as I can. When they are better managed they drain less.
I wish I could get everything properly diagnosed, as that's the biggest issue, the illness(es) that cause symptoms, affect my blood tests yet I don't know how to manage beyond pacing as I have no information about them.
@AffyAvo
Affy, from how I experienced you so far on this site I must say that you are very brave and strong willed. I can only imagine how draining it must be to accept not getting the answers you want and need.
@amiablePeace77 thanks for this checkin
"What drains your energy and how can you change it?"
The thing that drains me the most is reacting with negative emotions like anger and resentment. The way out is to have a circuit breaker so the emotions do not get full throttle by my reactions. Breathing, exercise or mental distraction are all circuit breakers that worked for me.
What circuit breakers work for you?
Really, noticing my breathing works for me , also a meditation where you put your worries on a leaf and imagine them floating down a beautiful stream xx@soulsings
@soulsings
Those a great circuit breakers Soul, pretty much the same that work for me best. Number one is always meditation for me, whether it is sitting or whilst going for a walk.
All this mental stress being told I cant do anything right rejections
@LostanLonely sorry you are hitting up against a very challenging situation. That must be very difficult to cope with. Have you considered getting a therapist to sort things out? Some people tell me that helps them get unstuck.
@LostanLonely I've been getting criticized, too, and it makes me feel like I can't do anything right, so why even try.
But then I tell myself that it is only their OPINION and not a fact. My opinions are different and I need to let others know that we are talking about opinions and not facts and that our opinions just differ. I also need to let them know how their criticizing affects me by using "I messages." "I feel hurt and frustrated when people criticize me because it makes me feel like I can't do anything right."
@LostanLonely
LostandLonely, you must have done a lot of things right in your life, you are here with us, you help yourself - many people don't, they give up and stay in their "cage" 🧡.
@amiablePeace77 thank you amiablePeace77 this is a great site and it has helped me a lot.
@LostanLonely
I am very happy to hear that. By sharing some of your thoughts you are a great support too.
My nearly constant negative self talk and self judgement. And, the weaker I feel, the stronger my inner prosecutor grows.
@WorthyStruggle We are our own worst enemies. We say things to ourselves that we would never dare say to another person.
Meditation and mindfulness have helped me get out of my head. The goal of these practices is to experience everything equality (they call it "equanimity"). For example, when we have our eyes open we can see many things, colors, and shapes. When we close our eyes we may see only black or other colors, or even a "movie" of us interacting with others, reliving something that has happened to us, or fantasizing about what may happen in the future.
The purpose is not to stop these internal movies and dialogs, but to acknowledge them and move on to notice what else is happening around us. In this way we don't spend so much time in our own heads, listening to our negative selves.
I hope this help.
@Kavajava
Thank you. I have at times found relief through mindfull meditation. Being the observer of the negative thoughts rather than entangling with the them has helped. I will continue to work on it. Unfortunatey, that perspective and practice sip away so easily. I loose focus and forget what I have learned. The negative self talk proves insidious. It is very patient and opportunisitc. At those dark times when I can't sleep I despair because the inner persecuter is so strong, tireless, and clever.
Very sound advice!@Kavajava
@WorthyStruggle our story can be a negative one so one thing we can do is turn our focus to the breathing or what the senses tell us. That does not have the same critical nature and can help give us relief.
@soulsings
Thank you. Meditatimg on the breath has and does help. I need to remember that.
@WorthyStruggle you are welcome.
@WorthyStruggle
Worthy, telling yourself every day, every moment how bad your are, what is wrong with you must be terribly frustrating and pull you down. Don't listen to that voice - this voice does not want to help you. Wake up the good voice in you by telling yourself every single day a helpful mantra like I can, I will do my best or whatevery is best for you. It will take time but it's like all learning - repetition helps a lot 🧡
@amiablePeace77
Thank you. I used to have a mantra. It was an acrosstic of a simple affirmation. Sadly, I've forgotten it. I can, of course, use a new one. Maybe "I forgive myself my mistakes, judgements, and failures." or "I am perfectly acceptable as I am, right now, in this moment." To be honest, though, right now those words feel like fraud and deception.
@WorthyStruggle
Worthy, seems that they do not come from your heart and that is what is making it difficult for you?
If wonder if it would be easier to use things like I will try my best, I am good enough as I am, Mistakes happen and I want to forgive myself? Setting the intention can be very helpful as well as.
Hope you will remember the mantra which once helped you.
@amiablePeace77
Thanks. I pared it down a bit to "I forgive myself for my mistakes." and "I am good enough as I am right now." It has helped. Also started a "positivity challenge" on itsallgoodhere.com. Currently recording a positive experience each day.
@WorthyStruggle
One thing that I do is I have a photo of myself when I was 6 years old. I tell that happy little kid, "It's not your fault."
There are so many influences to cause us to be who we are, where we are: genetics, the society and culture we were born into, the family that we have, the time in which we were born -- none of which are our faults.
I look at those less fortunate like the homeless and think that they only difference is luck. I've used drugs and alcohol, I'm lucky that I don't have the gene that made me addicted to these substances. I'm lucky that I was able to receive a good education and, more importantly, learn from important life lessons. I'm lucky to have family and friends that were there when I needed help.
@WorthyStruggle, just remember, it's not your fault!
@Kavajava
Thanks. Your words ring true with me. I will do my best to take them to heart.
Also, your second sentence is the thesis of Malcolm Gadwell's "Outliers" in a nutshell.
@Kavajava great idea. I think of this as my inner child and I am learning to be the inner parent. Sometimes I feel like a teen parent learning all over again. 
Not being able to nap creates exhaustive days for me. Somedays I can nap at work and other days, well, I just can't.
@SueStorm
I wish you could nap all the time when you need it. 🧡 What prevents you to nap the other days, when you can't?
@amiablePeace77 I cant nap when Im too busy or I have a meeting.
@SueStorm
It's hard to take the time for a nap when so busy and rushing anyhow already. What about taking 5 minutes for a brief meditation, just to disconnect from all stimuli?
hi.... :)
@loyalPenny9178
hi loyal, how are you doing today?
