What helps you to manage your grief about things you never had in life?

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It takes time. Thats all I can say.

It hurts. Then life throws bigger challenges your way and you kind of start embracing the idea of letting go from the need to survive....

@amiablePeace77

@amiablePeace77

What helps you to manage your grief about things you never had in life?

I look at this question and think, Why would I have grief about things I've never had in life?

If it was something I never had, then it's something I never lost to grieve over.

@amiablePeace77

Some people will be sad and hurt about not having something they never had in life. 

For me it depends on what it is. If I never had things like a happy family, a home, food and water, things like that I’d definitely be grieving over never having those things. Honestly idk how I’d deal with that. 

But I’ve also never had alcohol, smoke, drugs, never got in trouble with the police/law. Just a small sample there. How I deal with that is instead of grieving over it I’m proud of never having any of that. 

Honestly haven't found a solution for this yet. All I can do is look forward and work towards a better future. And be grateful for what I do have. It's so easy to focus only on the lack. But there is beauty in this world. There is comfort in my life. Giggling over a cute fat fuzzy bumblebee sitting on the lavender I planted 3 years ago can go a long way. Healed injuries. Me still being able to walk and run. Surviving devastating illnesses. Seeing my loved one smile. The cat choosing me to cuddle with. There is a future.

I rarely feel like that, if at all... Occasionally I missed what I wanted & didn't get when I was in my 20's & early 30's. At this point I have very much outgrown it. Grieving what you wanted & never got is pointless, is it not?... besides, past opportunities aren't the only ones. Other chances will emerge & you can take advantage, if you keep your eyes open & look down the road.

I just don't think about it, because there's nothing I can do about it.

@amiablePeace77

Acceptance.

Honesty.

Asking myself, did I want it or is it a societal exoectation or pressure driving it?

To be mindful of what I do have.

@amiablePeace77

After years of being mad or sad with myself for the things I never had, I started practicing mindfulness and gratitude. While working through mindfulness, I pictured myself as standing in a foyer, in between two doors. The foyer is where I am NOW. The door behind me is the past. The door in front of me is the future. I stayed in that foyer for too long, staring at the past door. Too much rumination about things that never happened, things I didn't have or do. Then after a while, I decided to lock that door. Board it up, and cover it with bricks. It's locked now. Even me beginning to type this is gone. It's behind that door. I can't go back. So I turned around and started facing my future door, and I realized some of those things I was mad at myself for, like not going to college, are things that still could happen. I went through grief over my marriage ending. What could I have done different? Then someone told me "grief is just love with nowhere to go", so I started funneling that love into my son. When I find myself turning around to look at that door in the past, I remind myself: there is a door wide open to the future. Anything is possible through that door. I chose the moment, and I chose my future. I hope this makes sense. ☺️

I forgot to mention the Helen Keller quote that got me thinking like this: 

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."