Weekly Prompt #22: . Are there any triggers or patterns associated with your intrusive thoughts?
Welcome everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: How does loneliness manifest in your life during the holidays? Thank you to all who participated and tried. I appreciate you all. I hope you all find it helpful. If you didn't try or experienced any challenges while trying, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: . Are there any triggers or patterns associated with your intrusive thoughts?
This week I want us to reflect and explore intrusive thoughts. Paying attention to the circumstances or situations that tend to precede your intrusive thoughts can provide valuable insight. Once you identify triggers, you can develop strategies to manage or avoid them to minimize the occurrence of intrusive thoughts. Please take a moment to reflect and share with us. Let's get started and all thoughts are welcomed!
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Last night once again Mom was rude to me again because I was upset about something I had no control over.
Background information
I'm already mighty *** with a channel that we will just call "C" which for about 10 years now at least hosted the Toto's Santa Clause parade (this year is the 119th Toto's Santa Clause parade)after they took over from the "Globe" channel*. Ever since they took over the parade hosting duties the "C" channel always has a "Yak fest" to have whatever latest musician which has a Christmas album out/coming out and part of the *** program has to be the singer doing a cover of one of the Christmas songs in the album. I mean come on we have what 55 days of listening to Christmas songs without needing a famous singer doing it on the program. That *I* only watch for the parade. Last year the Toto Santa Clause Parade was on the same Sunday as the Canadian Grey Cup (the Canadian version of the Super Bowl) so that it wasn't going to be airing the parade until a later date but told us we could watch it on C26(not actually name) but when I tried to watch it on C26 -the C26 people would go back and forth between the Grey Cup and Parade and I want it to focus 100% on the parade. I ended up watching it on the "C" channel website instead.
*At least with Globe channel they didn't have the "yak feast" with musicians + they had the added bonus of before the Parade they would have us see "Santa's workshop" aka behind the scenes of the parade.
Now fast forward to now: I discovered yesterday-my friend "G" mentioned it in the car when Dad and I took her to the hairdresser about Toto's Santa Clause Parade wasn't going to be on TV on Sunday (when its live in Toronto) but I thought she was mistaken but when I looked up "Toto" Star newspaper it said that the broadcast date for both TV and "C" channel website will be "at a later date" the later date is Dec 9th a week and a half after it has actually happen. And after what happened last year with C26 I don't trust that channel to watch the parade on.
There's no *** reason for delaying the broadcast and just have it live like they had for the last 10 years Because as far as I *** know that Canada isn't that big into *** Canadian college football unlike what happens in the States. Because the only *** things they're airing during the *** time period they could have the Santa Clause Parade on is old TV shows like F.R.I.E.N.D.S and How I Met Your Mother. Besides the delaying of the broadcast also means family with babies who might want to see it either have to wait 2 and a half weeks to see it or have to bundle up their babies and go in a very crowded 7am-8am trains or crowded parking lots to find spots before the parade starts at 12:30pm
And the one other option I could have which wasn't "wait for a week and a half for it to be on TV" is not an option for me since for let's say disability reasons, is I can't go into Toto on my own without a bodyguard. And when I suggested that idea that my parents said "that was a ridiculous idea" or something among those lines
My Mom said when I got "worked up" before bed "I don't see why you even have to be upset in the first place" because except for once, in the years I remember watching the Santa Clause Parade -it has always aired on the Sunday that its actually is IN Toto. The only exception was in 2020 when it was live and around Canada's Wonderland on a Wednesday night instead
@Disneywoman I can understand how frustrating it must feel to have something you look forward to changed without explanation, and to not feel heard by your mother. It sounds like watching the parade is very important to you.
@ASilentObserver If I could go in person I would but there's nobody like a partner I could take with me because of the fact for disability reasons I can't go into Toto on my own. Even though I think I probably could. I mean how can I be able to take the Train in *both* directions by myself but I can't spend a day or half a day in Toto on my own?
My Mom thinks I would have a meltdown at little things like a sidewalk being blocked or a subway train being late, etc. The only thing I would have a meltdown about would be about changing plans -like Mom did this past summer but if it was MY plan why would I do any changing? Unless like a restaurant I might want to eat at is close but other then that no dice at all
I really sorry for too many posts today. But due to a former fellow bowling league person on my former (now closed) bowling league in the Oliver town (code name)-posting on FB because he was wishing the bowling league would get back up (kind of late to do that since it would need to start in Sept) because he missed the memo that the league had closed down I think last year. So i had to tell him that.
But anyway the guy reminded me of something. When i went to bowling I always had to eat early and that meant having to eat at 4:30pm-5pm and I wouldn't get back until 9pm it was the one other time beside Fridays i could have snacks but sometimes woman on other teams would give me chocolate during holidays (that wasn't the snack night at the bowling alley for our league) or this guy would order popcorn bowl and share it with *both* teams.
Well anyway every time I was at bowling I would see people eating suppers there from my bowling league and I kind of was jealous and I think I order a nacho dish once and that was either after my parents and I came from Ireland or it was maybe from Germany (I can't remember). But in the year-maybe two and a half bowling was on before Covid stopped it I suddenly had this I don't know I think a rebellious streak maybe? or something of buying soda fountain drink from the kiosk at the bowling alley. I think between that and my sister bringing home food when she was doing mystery shopping which in one case also included a soda fountain drink- I have a fondness (?) a liking? for soda fountain drinks compared to pop cans or pop bottles
Additional note talking about bowling:
And Covid ruined my chance of being able to basically spend *all* day at the bowling alley literally because two weeks after Covid lockdown actually happen my Day-program was going to be there from 10-noon to do some bowling and then we would have I believe it would have been pizza like we did last time and then everyone else would have gone home except me but since there wasn't any sense of Dad would have to drive me to the bowling alley twice in one day that the idea was that I basically would spend all day at the alley and I could have order a supper from the kiosk.
Don't know what I would done though between 1pm and when I ordered and eat the supper though probably read a book in my backpack
@Disneywoman I am glad bowling brought you joy and a sense of community. Missing out on those experiences and planned activities due to the pandemic must have been difficult. Also your fondness for soda fountain drinks also seems connected to happy times spent there. Even though the league closed, those fun memories will always be a part of you.
@ASilentObserver I also miss the bowling league due to the fact it was a place I could pratice my American Sign Language skills because there were deaf bowlers on the league
@ASilentObserver depends. I have the worst time when either exhausted without a break or having nothing to do at all and my brain creating problems for itself so to me balance between rest and busy is the key. Also it gets way worse when i have negative consequence of eating, i have arfid with fear of aversive consequences, more specifically fear of allergic reaction. So eating is often coming with a lot of anxiety and it is always worse when a negative consequence whether real or percieved happens after.
@sadcat13 Thank you for sharing about your experience with exhaustion, anxiety around eating, and fear of negative consequences. It sounds like balancing rest with activity and managing anxiety around eating are ongoing challenges. You haveve shown strength in facing difficulties. We are all here with you to listen to and to support cat.
@ASilentObserver thank you
I'm *** off because I been wanting to have pudding for **** weeks for my Friday night snack. *** But because Mom's *** pudding supply is getting so **** low because of her *** baking and she can't get the **** pudding flavours she wants that aren't fat-free from our ** local grocery store. The *** grocery store only carries the fat-free versions of the instant pudding mixes that Mom doesn't want to use for her mainly baking uses like when she makes cakes. It means I'm **** stuck with *** boring vanilla and I wanted chocolate, but no Mom has to use one of those *** two chocolate pudding mixes for a upcoming baking order instead of using it for me for my ** snack. Mom says to like "disguise" the vanilla in it or something she could put *** coca powder in -that's not the same thing as having an actually *** chocolate pudding or at least I don't think so at least.
She could go to Value village and go to the bigger version of (grocery store) but she doesn't want "Dad peering over her shoulder" but who knows when the next time she might be going over there? Or she and I could on the way home on Friday next week from the mall stop at one of the stores that is on the way home and buy some pudding mix if they even have it because at this point in time -I don't know if Dad and I will be shopping this week due to him having an appointment on Thursday morning and Mom and I are at the mall on Friday to do Christmas shopping.
@Disneywoman It sounds like you are feeling quite frustrated that you can't have your favorite chocolate pudding for your Friday night snack. Not getting what you're craving can be disappointing. What else besides chocolate pudding brings you comfort during the week?
@ASilentObserver I only have snacks once a week outside of holidays or we have leftovers like cake (there's still 2 pieces of Cake from Sunday from 3-4 weeks ago) or I buy with a fast food combo something like Burger King's New Blasts ice cream treat, McDonald's McFlurry, or Wendy's Frosty i can't have snacks the rest of the week except on Fridays with the exception of leftover cake or hoildays.
i notice my thoughts go into a whirpool. i’m currently a senior college student, so i’m beginning the job application process. i’m waiting to hear back from a specific job and it’s been causing me a significant amount of stress here’s how it goes.
hopeful about job -> eager to hear back -> hear nothing back -> disappointed in myself for even thinking i had a chance -> worry about never finding a job -> unemployed college graduate -> looking like a failure to family, friends etc
this is a specific situation, but i notice this applies elsewhere. i’m not very good at being patient, so being kept in the dark and following blindly is very difficult. i doubt myself in academics, career, friends; all major aspects of my life. it makes it hard to live in the moment, because i’m future oriented.. but not in the good way. a very anxious way.
@sunflowergirl091 It sounds like waiting to hear back about this job opportunity has led to some difficult thoughts and feelings. The cycle of hope, disappointment, and self-doubt you described can really take a toll. You are certainly not alone in experiencing anxiety while waiting, and it's understandable that major life decisions can stir up worries. You mentioned focusing too much on the future can make it hard to be present, what things in the present help provide some calm during this time of uncertainty?
So I've always had a problem with the concept of triggers. I could be thinking of something incredibly normal, such as a news article I may have recently read, and that can trigger thoughts of either positive or negative feelings. So while I have heard some people say that there are always triggers you can identify and avoid, I don't believe that's true. It's literally impossible for memories (good or bad) not to be accidentally triggered by something very normal, unless I literally stop reading or stop taking in information in general.
Those are my thoughts on it anyway.
@cafedaydreams Thank you for sharing your perspective. It sounds like unwanted thoughts and memories can arise unexpectedly at times, which can feel difficult to manage. What are your thoughts on finding small ways to care for yourself during those moments?
