Weekly Prompt #21: How does loneliness manifest in your life during the holidays?

@ASilentObserver

ahh ! finally someone is talking about it . i always wondered why do i feel so depressed around the holidays or weekends . kinda believed im the only one feeling this way . i never shared this with anyone because i doubted anyone would even understand . they might think of me being weird or something , i thought . coz normally , people enjoy holidays and weekends . 

i feel most lost , most depressed and most lonely during times like these . i feel the reason is , on work days we got distractions . but on holidays and weekends , we have to spend time with ourselves . that is the challenging part . 

~ space . 

@ASilentObserver living in a old folks nursing home, so all the other residents here go home for the holidays with their families. Which is great ❤❤ but then it's just me here and a carer. So it can get a little lonely, but I buy myself lots of fun presents 😁 I can have my own fun😁 and yeah I always wish even harder around holidays that my son was here with me

@ASilentObserver

I was rather proactive around the holidays because I often was the cook and baker. If there was room, there were plenty of people I could invite, mostly other foreigners who would have been alone themselves. I did not dwell too much on what my family was doing overseas

I wouldn't say that loneliness ever manifests in my life. My anxiety does go through the roof during the holidays though because of the larger crowds. I try to only go out during off-peak times so I can avoid them and the coming panic attack.

Just want to take a second to send some love and compassion to all those out there who need it during this challenging time of year. Please know there’s someone wishing you all the warmth and strength you wish to take as we move through the season. You are not entirely alone and I hope you are able to find a few moments of comfort and peace. 

This season has always been difficult for me, but took an extreme nosedive several years back. My mom, who arguably loved the holidays and all the warmth they’d bring more than anyone, passed in early December. The last 4 years of her life, after my father’s death, we had become extremely close and she had lit something in me that felt like hope for better seasons/years to come. For a few years my holiday season centered around her, ensuring she had everything she wished so her holidays were as magic as the ones she and my dad had gifted us as children. She took so much pride in decorating her home, planning the meals and entertaining our small family. Seeing her happy was the greatest gift I think I’ve received. When she passed, all the magic and wonder that I had begun to look forward to once again left with her. While I wish I had the desire to carry on some sort of tradition, it is still too painful. She was the 5th family member lost between the Nov-Jan time frame and one I still have yet to come to terms with. She was also my last living relative. The final blow came last year when my sweet, sweet dog Jack passed on Dec 2nd after 14 years by my side. He saved my life by coming into my world and giving me a reason to get out of bed every day. He made me smile, made me laugh, made me cry, made me go crazy.. typical father/son stuff, right? This is harder to write than I thought it would be..

Until this year, I’d buried myself in work tried my best to stay busy so I wouldn’t have to face what I’m feeling now. I know I’m not alone when I say this time of year would make me turn to substances harder to help cope, but right now, I don’t have that crutch. I’m trying my best to stay sober, but realize I picked a *** of a time to commit to this. Everywhere I turn I’m met with smiling snowmen, cozy penguins and jolly little Santa’s. I see small children lighting up as they take in gigantic displays. I’m reminded of family that is no longer here and feel that pain in my heart. I think back on the holidays past and how lucky my siblings and I were to have such wonderful memories. Despite the hurt that feels overwhelming at times, I know that pain exists because of how deeply I loved the people I’ve lost. And how special those moments truly were. I am grateful for them. Some part of me hopes the down the road things will change; that maybe I will meet someone and they’ll be reason to celebrate again. Until then, I’ll be up on my snowcapped mountain collecting onions and judging all the Who’s down in Whoville. 

- The Grinchy One

ASO,

I don’t experience loneliness in the traditional sense of the word, but I certainly experience an in sensed awareness of the gaps in my life where my family should be, and yet they are not. I’m working on repairing those relationships. Maybe next year will be different. 

✨Thanks for another thoughtful post!✨

I have a hard time with the holidays. There's all these sappy holiday movies on TV and it becomes painfully obvious that I don't have much family and no friends in rl. I remember nice things with my grandparents but they've passed on now. I recently started working on a relationship with my father - the problem is - he's dying. The big C. He's not got very long. The closest "family" is my dog. Another problem there - we're down to day to day with her. She's an old girl with failing health. She's deaf and blind and has doggie dementia. I lost my other dog three years ago on Thanksgiving day. That still hurts. Realistically I know the way things are now aren't how they'll always be but right now? Right now I see how incredibly alone I am

Its only if I'm going  to a family reunion with my Mom's family and I have no other way to get the *** back home due to what I mentioned before that my parents are THOSE kinds of people who don't like to leave first despite the fact that if we been there too long and I have no access to a computer (or not my computer at least)- I get really grumpy and frustated last time I litereally had a meltdown infront of my Aunt Dorthy and Uncle Jim and my cousin Rose (not actual name).   They thought it was because I was tired when I appoglized when I was getting ready to finally leave.

They never put my feelings first and unlike my cousins I rarely (ie: never) get to choose NOT to go*.   I was able to get out of one get together back in late Sep/ early October  because it was  in a resturant and not  omeone house (it would be first cousins once removed for me my Mom and her siblings first cousins people I haven't seen since I was  a baby)

My cousins and my own sister  all get to say "no" to having to go to family reunions but the last time Mom and I talked when the plan was for the family (Uncle J,  Uncle S, and Aunt M and my family  having a get together with Uncle S)-Mom said "I should go because who knows how long Grandpa has to live and you don't want to have any regrets".  its like because I'm the youngest daughter who is still living at home with her Mom who is the eldest in her family- I have to like be the example for others of actual going and yet I'm the agi (baby)  of the overall family because Uncle S doesn't have any kids (I'm the younger sister of my oini (sister) and I'm couple of months younger then even my same age cousin who is a couple months older then me)

if I had a full time partner and I could take him to one of these things and he could drive I could have an alterative way to get home then been stuck at a family reunion until my parents want to leave.

Since holidays are all about family I get really seperated from my friends.  I'm also really not that close with my immediate family so it's easy to feel lonely.  And with my distant family, well I don't see them often and when I do I usually think negatively...

lol that gif 🤣