Weekly Prompt #25: What are your biggest anxieties about the holidays?
Welcome back all, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: How have you found ways to be supportive of yourself during more anxious periods? Thank you to all who participated and shared your thoughts with us. I appreciate you all. I hope all who may read it find it helpful too. If anyone hasn't shared yet or experienced any challenges while trying, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: What are your biggest anxieties about the holidays?
Holidays can be anxiety-inducing times due to many reasons. It is perfectly normal to feel anxious at times during holidays. Please know it is okay to prioritize our mental health and take steps to support ourselves during anxious periods. Let us get started and share your biggest anxiety. We are together in this!
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@ASilentObserver Probably a lot surounding pressure on those days:
- Pressure to be at your best behavior, dress well, make the most of the time with family. "Pretend" everything is amazing in a way I guess. While knowing we all judge each other and talk about it back home.
- Knowing the days will be so bad when it comes to food, eating way to much and wanting to prepare for that in the weeks prior, which is difficult due to other holidays and other events/gifts in the weeks prior that also come with extra food to eat. Like getting Christmas gifts from work in the days before and stuff
- Getting in the Christmas spirit. I love Christmas, but due to work and other social stuff, sometimes you feel like you have no time to look forward to it like you did when you were a kid. So you want to feel jolly, get in the spirit and really live towards it, but sometimes it is just suddenly there, boom, Christmas...
- Time: when it comes down to it, you want to look forward to Christmas and maybe even want your last days of work to go really fast, you can't wait! But then at Christmas, it's just one day (or two over here), but just lika a workday that goes by quickly or a day you have to wait for Christmas, the Christmas day itself can also be over in juist a blink of an eye. All the hype, breathe twice, its over. Did you make the most of it? Was it as good as you wanted? All that... until next year ;)
- Confrontation: the end of the year is a time to reflect, but also a lot of social events, people showing off their relationships, friends and family. Fotos always show a good time. Everybody wants to reflex or know about stuff. And you start to wonder, did you make a change this year, archieve something, are you happy etc...
@Michelh1996 Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It sounds like the holidays can be a busy time filled with both joy and pressure. Reflecting on feeling rushed yet wanting to savor each moment is understandable. Your thoughts about the quick pace of Christmas day resonate with wanting to fully experience important moments. What aspects of Christmas help you feel most in the spirit, despite life's busyness?
@ASilentObserver
Some of the best things about Christmas:
- The food, let's face it :D eating, a lot and allowing yourself to do it because its Christmas. Chocolate, Christmas type bread, some cool Christmas themed snacks and desserts!
- Christmas music, but in moderation ;)
- The suspense and togetherness, like there's something in the air. Everybody wants to make an effort, the kind of vibe all around.
- All the lights! I have been taking walks after dinner for a while now, and with it getting darker and people slowly putting up more lights, looking at them lightens the mood :)
- Made it through another year, celebrate it!
- Other holiday and end of the year related events like over here, they always play music lists you can vote for, so getting into your favorite music again, making lists, listening to music and sharing stories about music. Also doing music quizzes and finding new music or related facts🎵
@Michelh1996 I am glad! It sounds like the holidays bring up many fond memories and traditions for you that lift your mood. The food, music, lights, and time with loved ones you described all help make this time of year special. I am glad you've found ways like taking walks to enjoy this season.
@ASilentObserver Also a funny paradox I came up with: Christmas is an amazing time, so you want the day to be great, but also live up to it. Maybe 1 week, 2 weeks, you just want it to be on your mind because the holliday "deserves" that. You want to get in the mood and have all Christmas-related stuff on your mind. If you can't do that, Christmas passes by so quickly, but if you can do that, Christmas day, the actual day that you put a lot of value on, also passes quickly because its just 1 day. Like I said before, a lunch, a few conversations or a little game, dinner and its over, just 1 day like that🎄
@Michelh1996 That is an interesting paradox you have noticed about Christmas. It can be difficult when we want to fully embrace and enjoy the holiday spirit but feel like the day passes by too quickly. You raise a thought-provoking point. What feelings come up for you as you think about wanting Christmas to last longer in your mind?
@ASilentObserver The vacation for sure, getting away from the daily rhythm and being able to do things you want for a while. Being able to take a break from things and reflect on certain aspects in your life. Also spending time with friends/family and doing fun activities like listen to music, games/quizzes. It sometimes seems like people only make time for this during vacation or holidays, before falling into their rhythm again. That joy and freedom lasting longer would be awesome! And lastly also maybe a little bit of "greed": the unhealthy food options are so good, and Christmas is an "excuse" to justify eating them, let go a bit, reward yourself.
@Michelh1996 It sounds like taking a vacation provides you with a much-needed break from daily routines and responsibilities. Getting away and spending quality time with loved ones doing enjoyable activities you don't often have time for can help you feel refreshed and recharged.
@Michelh1996
Getting in the Christmas spirit. I love Christmas, but due to work and other social stuff, sometimes you feel like you have no time to look forward to it like you did when you were a kid.
I completely agree with this. As a kid, you went to school, then you had break and a few weeks of fun. Then after you were all tired out (and your parents were tired as well) you went back to school.
As an adult - you have to do all the work. LOL All the responsibility that goes with that makes it much harder to get that Christmas spirit. It seems to get harder for me as I get older. I just want to decorate the house and then drink hot cocoa and watch TV all day for a few weeks.
@thoughtfulmomma I know right, no matter how hard it is, I sometimes say there are some things I never want to lose the magical feeling from. Around Christmas, there is a lot and you just want to look back at these times as well. So simple as a kid, everything seemed bigger and less stressful. But also more vivid and amazing sometimes.
Funny example I discussed with my dad the other day: when the forecast says its going to snow, I always love waking up, looking out the window and seeing everything covered in fresh snow. I don't want to lose that. My dad usually gets cynical, because travelling to work is going to be a problem, delays with the train. Roads will be slippery etc etc 🤣
@Michelh1996
Exactly! Waking up to snow as a kid and you're going crazy trying to get all your winter gear on to go play for hours. Waking up to snow as an adult means you start swearing as you put your winter gear on to go shovel, plow the driveway and clean off the car...and then go to work for eight hours.
@ASilentObserver TW: death
What are your biggest anxieties about the holidays?
Things around my home are pretty subtle. I am up in age and do not have family here. As a matter of fact, no one hardly visits us. We live on the outskirts of the city, and people feel we live too far to come. So my anxiety levels are at a low for holidays. I did just have a house full of out-of-state family come visit during Thanksgiving; only the second time in my life that any family from out of state came to visit.
I think a lot of the anxiety now is still coming from the passing of my sister, whom we never received her, nor any remains stemming from that.
@WorkingitThrough2 I can hear how much you are feeling the absence of family during this time. It sounds like the holidays highlight how far away your loved ones are. You have been through a lot of change and loss. Please know we are all here with you. What feelings come up the most as you think about your sister and not having closure from her passing?
@ASilentObserver
I appreciate your support. To answer your question, I feel sick inside knowing that she never made it home and the fact that her very own husband could have allowed this or been the cause of all this. I am really feeling so much more distrustful of people. My insides feel as if someone is dribbling a ball in the pit of my stomach. I have been, for the most part, emotionally numbed. This situation has awakened feelings that I have never experienced, and I still want to cry when I think about it. The old rage that I have worked so hard to keep suppressed has risen. And taken on a new life. I am sorry for what I am saying. I am also grateful to be able to say this here, where I am safe to say what I really feel. Thank God for 7cups and the people here. I live isolated, and my husband and I live in the house. We speak to one another, but that is it, and because we live secluded, no one comes over, so my social contact is 7cups. This is no way to live to be honest but it pretty safe that is what is most important to me is being safe.
@WorkingitThrough2 Thank you for sharing how deeply this situation is affecting you. The emotions you described feeling - distrust, sickness, rage - show how personal and painful this is. You mentioned isolation for safety, though living with little social contact understandably takes a toll. I am glad you sharing with us. We are all here with you to listen to and to support
@ASilentObserver
I truly appreciate your support and for understanding me without saying you need to get over it like what I hear from some.❤️
Thank God for 7cups❤️
I don't know if there will be a family reunion during the hoildays but if there is. My problem will be my Mom and Dad wanting to stay there longer then I want too and when I have no other way to get home but my parents since Dad's the one who drives us (Mom/I) up there.
Is it any wonder why I want to be able to have a boyfriend who can drive me so I can escape from the reunion after I had enough and after food is done?
Other another anxiety that IF there's a family reunion during Christmas that Mom will tell me to "knock it off" the appetizers that the Aunt who is hosting puts out. Yes there will be supper, but I basically ONLY go to the family reunions for food.
@Disneywoman It sounds like family gatherings can bring up difficult feelings for you. Wanting to enjoy the food while also feeling ready to leave on your terms is understandable. What worries or stresses you most about these situations?
@ASilentObserver
Just that I have no alterative way to get away from the family gatherings except the parents being ready. the last time we had a family gathering Mom was more interested in looking for a "few more mins" in the only year book that her family had from (Secondary School for non-Koreans) in Korea then meet getting restless after being there for so long. I hadn't been on my computer since either 12:45pm (or was it 1:45pm)-since we got there about 3pm.
@Disneywoman It sounds like family gatherings can be difficult when others are not fully present. Being there for a long time yet feeling unseen is understandably frustrating. You deserve to feel heard and valued when spending time with loved ones.
@ASilentObserver and last time we had a family gathering I had a complete meltdown because I had enough and its only after I "embarrassed my parents" (or at least they acted like that) like that they finally decided to leave.
@ASilentObserver
Driving. I try to get home before the dark but winter driving is always a little nervewracking.
@neatBlueberry5213 I can understand and relate. It is understandable to feel anxious about winter driving in the dark. You must feel relieved to have a plan to get home before dark.
Dear Silent - thank you for this question, this shoed me that I am not the only one! This helped me tremendously!
Running up to Christmas this year I had severe attacks of anxiety. But in the last couple of days I searched myself and came to the conclusion that mostly the overblown expectations of the holidays (in my family but also society in general) are to blame.
I try to run the concept "nothing has to be perfect - just try to enjoy" this year - this is the total opposite to my ingrained expectations. I felt tremendously relieved when I decided this motto. It even helped me to spread some (little and humble) Christmas cheer to family, friends and colleagues all over the world. This year has been hard enough all over - no reason to make each other miserable guided by overblown expectations. Doing the litte things helped me.
@BeCreative1967
sorry my "w" is broken on my keyboard
@BeCreative1967 Thank you for sharing about your experience with anxiety around the holidays with us, Creative. It sounds like realizing that perfection is not necessary and focusing on enjoying the little things helped relieve some of the pressure you were feeling. I am glad you were able to find a motto that helped you feel more at ease. What aspects of spreading a little Christmas cheer to others were most meaningful for you?
@ASilentObserver
Hi Silent, thanks for asking! I actually enjoy to reconnect to people all over the world and check how their year went. It is sometimes surprising and always a blessing! Not everybody celebrates Christmas but for all it is the end of a year. Otherwise I enjoy lights at the moment - twinkling Christmas lights. candles, fire. This holiday is also about the returning of the light (I am very aware that since the 21th the days finally get longer again). Also found a candle holder my aunt gave my parents 20 years ago. They gave it to me and this week I send a foto from it to her. She remembered she brought fromm India at that time. She is over 80 but still passionately traveling. At the moment she only went from Toronto to California to watch her grandkids while her son and his wife went to Hawaii for the holidays.
Here is the candle holder:
@BeCreative1967 It is such a beautiful candle holder, creative, thank you for sharing with me.
It sounds like connecting with family and enjoying the holiday season is important to you. The candles and lights you described bring a sense of warmth and comfort during this time. I am glad you were able to share that memory with your aunt through the photo. Maintaining family connections even from a distance is so meaningful.