Weekly Prompt #31: What are your fears when it comes to social situations?
Hi everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: Are you using black-and-white thinking? Thank you to all who participated and shared your thoughts with us. I appreciate you all. I hope all who may read it find it relatable too. If anyone hasn't shared yet, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: What are your fears when it comes to social situations? What are you afraid of?
For some, the fear of judgment and rejection looms large in social settings. The thought of being scrutinized or criticized by others can be paralyzing. The fear of not being accepted or fitting in can make social interactions feel like a minefield. It's natural to want to be liked and accepted, but the fear of not measuring up to others' expectations can be overwhelming. So, what are your fears when it comes to social situations? What are you afraid of? Share your thoughts and experiences – you're not alone in navigating the complexities of social interactions. Let's explore our fears together and support each other in facing them with courage and compassion.
saying the wrong thing in public and being laughed at. I think back in junior high this was a huge thing then, people laughing at you for making mistakes in class and it’s stuck with me ever since
@crimsonSpring4615 It sounds like you have a deep fear of embarrassment. Being laughed at can be incredibly painful and leave lasting scars. How has this fear impacted your life?
It has stopped me from expressing myself in social situations, from even making new friends and putting myself forward when it comes to work situations.
even applying for jobs is difficult as I fear having to be interviewed
@ASilentObserver
The most difficult thing in social areas and social circles is to bring myself to talk to people. I am an introvert and although I do not like to interact but at the same time I want someone to talk to me. I don't know how to describe it. Its weird. I feel that people avoid me and if I go talk to them they will feel that I am clingy and all so I feel better alone. It's peaceful and I don't have to worry about what others will think and stuff. So although at times I feel like company would be better, most of the time I feel that being alone is the best, i don't have to pretend anything in front of anyone and don't have to be anxious.
@comfortablePeace003 It sounds like you find social interactions challenging because you struggle with feeling understood by others. You long for connection, but worry that others may perceive you as needy. This fear causes you to prefer solitude, where you can avoid potential judgment. How does being alone make you feel?
@ASilentObserver
that's actually pretty acurate. although i know that i suck at talking to people, i honestly love being alone. it gives me peace. i can be whoever i want at that time.
i always reacall a quotes "being alone is a power that very few people can handle" and i am happy to be one of those
@comfortablePeace003 Being alone can indeed provide a sense of freedom and self-expression. It takes courage to embrace solitude, especially when many people fear it. What activities do you enjoy doing by yourself?
@ASilentObserver
listening to music, dancing, cooking, reading like almost everything
I'm always afraid people will judge me and not think I'm as good as them. Or seem me as someone they don't want to spend time with. I can never challenge these thoughts in the moment unless I have someone with me. I despise the clique like nature people adopt everywhere. I have trouble finding where I fall in.
@ThoughtLight It sounds like you feel anxious in social situations because you're worried about being judged by others. This fear causes you to feel left out and alone. These are difficult feelings to face alone, and it's understandable that you struggle without support. Please know, everyone experiences self-doubt at times, and it doesn't define your worth. You deserve kindness and understanding from others. We are all here with you <#
@ASilentObserver
I struggle with severe social anxiety and sometimes it’s hard for me to exactly pin point what it is that’s bothering me about certain social settings on a particular day. I think it’s usually me overthink that everyone is watching me and everyone is judging me.
I think sometimes it just comes from a lack of energy too, the high stress of being around people makes me exhausted and struggle even more. Like an endless cycle. That might be somewhat off topic but it’s one thing that really effects me.
Also growing up I was taught I needed to be perfect and couldn’t do anything wrong. As soon as I’m around other people I know I can do something wrong. But around myself I don’t have others around to tell me I’m wrong or not good enough.
Thank you for the space for reflection
@etherealize It sounds like social anxiety has been challenging for you. Feeling like everyone is watching and judging can be incredibly overwhelming. The pressure to be perfect also seems like it weighs heavily on you. How does perfectionism show up for you in your daily life?
@ASilentObserver
It shows up a few ways one being that I’m scared to do anything because I have the fear I may do it wrong. In other words I typically just skip an opportunity than try it and acknowledge it may not go perfectly.
it also shows up at in how mad and angry I get at myself when I get a grade that isn’t perfect or others do better than me.
@etherealize Perfectionism can cause us to miss out on experiences and create self-criticism. What are some times when you experienced perfectionism in your childhood?
i know growing up there was a lot of pressure on my to ‘try my best’ and even if I was trying my best it wasn’t good enough. A lot of perfectionism developed from that…
@etherealize I understand how perfectionism can develop from a young age when we're told to "try our best" but are still expected to meet unrealistic standards. It can feel like no matter how hard we try, it's never enough. But your every effort and step is counting.
People not knowing who I am when I'm around them a lot.
@ThoughtLight It sounds like you're worried about people not understanding who you are. Would you share more about that?
@ASilentObserver I am very misunderstood by a lot of people. I'm not sure my own family as much as they try 100% understand me. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I was just born different. As a child I began my love for classical music. Nobody around me liked classical music. I wanted trips to the art museum. I have been told I'm classy and have some sophistication. I don't know how I stumbled across my interests so young but I'm proud of it. I don't want to be like everybody else. I'm not overly eccentric...unless I'm manic. I try to keep a dignified air about myself. Possibly as a way to show others how I wish to be treated. I have no tolerance for disrespect or what I call de classe behavior. But I have been overlooked by groups of people before who I was around daily. Unnoticed because I wasn't involved in the "normal" things people my age was into. Well, I say "normal" is overrated. And perhaps I think what they were doing wasn't "normal". I don't care what society considers the "norm". I would be sick being "average". The "average" people aren't the ones writing the best literary pieces, or making what people call impossible possible, or generating the newest theories. Maybe I realized that subconsciously many years ago. I didn't like what I saw others my age doing. And growing up gay already made me "different" to others. I am not chained down by society's norms. Allowing me the freedom to do the work and thinking to solve bigger problems. Or come out with another piece of writing. I used to hate my bipolar disorder but accepted it's not going anywhere. Read a popular book by clinical psychologist scientifically linking bipolar to creativity with many famous examples. So, a blessing and a curse. And those writers, Virginia Woolf, Lord Byron, etc all grew up in the same way. You don't see people happy to be "average" winning the Pulitzer Prize or Nobel Prize. I don't want to just cause change. I want to cause innovation.
@ThoughtLight It sounds like you have always felt yourself to be different from others around you, even from a young age. From the way you express yourself through your interests in classical music and art museums, to your sense of self-worth and values. You've grown to accept this part of yourself, and even see it as a strength. How has accepting this part of yourself helped you feel more confident?
@ASilentObserver I began to feel more confidence knowing I would stand out more than the others when it came to going for certain positions. My mind felt more alive, and I was never a slave to the trends that always came and went. Despite my Southern Baptist upbringing I never even felt bad about my sexuality despite the church's teachings I had been around my whole life. I find comfort in the fact I can think for myself and don't allow anyone to spoon feed me information. I was bullied in middle school, but nobody ever bothered me in high school of in college. I've never been harassed over my sexuality. But I have dealt a lot with stigma towards bipolar disorder. It stings a little I have to admit. But I just try to ignore their ignorance and go about my business. I just never had a problem being "different". I view it as psychologically advanced personally. To not conform. I value uniqueness. People who just follow the current norms live horribly boring and uneventful lives. Just like sheep blindly following the shepherd. I don't even allow myself to say I'm "bored". I prefer "unoccupied". I heard a quote years ago that "only boring people get bored". Einstein said, "boredom is an affliction of youth". As long as I have my mind there is no reason for boredom. When I came out, I didn't announce it but just openly talked about it. Everybody knew long before. I saw no reason to make a big announcement because to me it's just as natural as my hair and eye color and I don't announce that everywhere. But out of everything it's the stigma of mental illness I face. But I just keep in mind Dr. Kay Redfeld Jamison's book Touched with Fire scientifically links bipolar disorder to creativity. So, I use it to my advantage. I feel in life good at some point comes along with the bad. A type of balance. But it's all in your perspective. It can be a horrendous illness, but it has won me some writing prizes and helps pay my college tuition. Some good to heal the wound. Nobody has ever had luck attempting to change me because I don't need changed. I'm stubborn. When my mind is set that's it unless compelling evidence is laid out. And this all may be beneficial standing out if I do decide to apply for the PhD in clinical psychology. They accept 2 applications a year. Standing out is a lead. Not sure if I'm choosing that or the MSW. I don't see failures I see learning moments. If something blocks my path, I simply recalculate a new route to reach the goal. It doesn't bother me what other people think. That would be giving them power. I remain classy and dignified. And having a good understanding of psychology gives you another lead too. Someone wants to bully I simply see an insecure person desperate for some type of control in their life. Not scary. It has taken quite a few years to reach this point. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross debunked Freud and showed we develop all the way to the end. So instead of wasting my time of what is considered the "norm" I learn everything I can. Write, devour books, etc. Then I will land a top career while a lot of people are overly concerned about what color of jeans are currently in style. I do have to admit I do like to stay in style out of dignity. And a psychiatrist I see inpatient who is a sharp dresser said you dress in the way you want to be treated. I just try to keep my dignity up no matter what people may stigmatize me with. My illness can be severe at times, but I don't see it as a barrier to accomplishing anything. I just have to customize my own path and route of getting there. While others look at a Jackson Pollock and think the splatters of paint are stupid, I see a projection of a very addiction riddled mind creating a beautiful representation of inner conflict. Sometimes there is beauty in chaos with art. But I can't get anyone to go to the art museum with me. I've learned to enjoy my own company. If you can't enjoy your own company, you aren't going to enjoy others. I try to help people with these life problems. Sometimes you just have to let the psyche evolve. Feed the brain to get mental maturity. As my psychiatrist says the brain is like a muscle. Use it or lose it. So, I take pride in keeping an active psychological life and not joining the ranks of people who behave just like robots.
@ASilentObserver
My fear is that speaking publicly will expose my weaknesses leaving me open to attack.
@Gettingbettertoday It sounds like you are afraid people may take advantage of your vulnerabilities if you speak out. I can understand how this might make you hesitant to express yourself. Have you had negative experiences in the past where people have taken advantage of your kindness?
@ASilentObserver
Sure people have taken advantage of me. I was bullied from 6th to 12th grade with the bonus of getting beat up at my first college part by a hockey player. I had to go to the hospital because of a head would, only my third one. My experience is that when someone knows your true self they can attack it or take advantage of it.
@Gettingbettertoday Being bullied and experiencing physical violence can leave deep scars. I understand you might feel guarded or hesitant to open up to others as a result.
For me, there are two actually. First is when you’re trying your best to socialize with other people, especially when it’s the first time that you’ve met them. They would give double meaning to your statement, especially when it’s not your intention at all or didn’t even appeared in your mind. Second is, when confronting them about their mistakes(big mistakes) since I don’t like confronting other people when it’s not that big of a deal.
But if it really affects me then I confront them. By giving them my reasons and also how I felt about it. They would said that I’m being dramatic, and even not admitting their mistakes.
To be honest, it’s really tough for me…
@roane It sounds like you feel anxious about social interactions because you worry about others may misinterpret your intentions or react negatively to your attempts to address their mistakes. These fears can cause discomfort and make socializing challenging. How do these experiences make you feel?
It’s remarkable, when I have nothing to do. I suddenly remember that kind of scene and it makes me embarrassed or frustrated. Sometimes, I also thought that almost all of them didn’t like me or even talk behind me. It’s kind of draining me, so I always keep myself busy as to not think of those kind of thoughts…
@roane Those experiences can bring up difficult feelings. Keeping yourself busy can help distract from these thoughts, but it's important to acknowledge how these experiences might be affecting you. You have all of us here with you roane. You are not alone in this.
@ASilentObserver I think that my biggest fear when it comes to social situations is how people will perceive me, whether it be a good person, unattractive, fat, crazy, or whatever, it just really depends. I don't like having to wear sunglasses to block out the views. I feel compelled to be authentic, but at the same time, I still can't help but want to feel good simultaneously. It matters to me what people think about me, and I am not sure how to shake that.
E
@sincerePlane4053 Thank you for sharing, plane. I understand how social situations can bring up difficult feelings. Please know you're not alone in feeling worried about how others might view you. Many people struggle with these fears, and it takes courage to open up about them. We are all here with you to listen to and support you. Do you have any specific instances where these feelings have come up?
@ASilentObserver i feel like these things come up when I am in environments that I am not familiar with. It kind of depends. The weather and temperature has a big affect on my feelings too. But all in all, I do feel vulnerable a good amount of the time and it is hard to deal with. I would like support by reaching out more to community services!
E
@sincerePlane4053 indeed that make sense. It sounds like you've had some difficult experiences that have left you feeling vulnerable.
@ASilentObserver
i'm afraid of simply being the source of attention. i don’t like too much eyes on me all at once.
@chyni Hi chyni, good to see you. I understand how being the center of attention can cause discomfort. It sounds like you prefer quieter settings. In what ways have you tried to avoid attention in the past?
@ASilentObserver
i do indeed prefer quieter settings. i’ve tried avoiding attention in the past by trying to avoid as much human interactions as possible. i see a gathering containing more than 2 people i walk in a far distance.
i remember this one time when i was about 10/11 my mom went away for work and i had to stay with my step dad’s side of the family. one of his sisters was a teacher; she teached at my school and was always my teacher, so i was very familiar with her and also the family, because it wasn’t the first time hanging around them.
i used to eat my dinner or breakfast in my room and when i tried to go back down to the kitchen to put down my plate i’d stand on the steps for minutes weighing my mind if i should turn back or just go. and this happened everyday! it was so annoying and i always hated it. i’m still like that
@chyni I get it you have had difficult experiences with social interactions in the past. Feeling anxious about interacting with others can be really tough. How did these experiences make you feel?
@ASilentObserver
honestly, they made me feel horrible.. like i’m weak. even now whenever i find myself holding back because i’m scared of social interactions, i would often beat myself up about being too old to be scared! 😔 it’s really hard, and little by little i’m finding it easier to interact with people and just be myself
@chyni I can understand how those experiences could make you feel weak. I am glad you are working on being yourself and taking small steps towards social interactions. You have all of us here to support you.
@ASilentObserver My fear is people being friendly but then you never actually make friends and end up being by yourself. I've been pushing myself to attend things that I normally would shy away from , just from bad experiences of feeling like a black sheep. And to be honest it's really hard to do, but each time I've done it has this rewarding feeling to it. I may not ever get a female friendship that never lasts beyond small talk at a hiking event or exchanges numbers but nothing ever comes from it. BUT at least I can say that I've been trying and that's all that matters in the long run.
Also, perhaps female friendships just aren't destined for me because I tend to always manage to meet a guy instead at some point, doesn't even matter if I'm the worst conversationalist in the world, guy friends tend to naturally come easier for me. if that even made sense.
@amusingWest5360 It sounds like you are experiencing difficult feelings around social situations and making friends. Feeling like a black sheep and constantly meeting guys instead of women must be frustrating. It is good that you are pushing yourself to attend events despite these fears. Please know even if female friendships don't last long, it shows you're making an effort. It is okay if friendships don't always work out.
@amusingWest5360
i find it easier to make male friends as well, also i find that we work better. i guess it’s because females are so emotional, and i need friends who can manage my rollercoaster emotions/mood swings instead of always getting in their feelings whenever i don’t reach out for a while
@chyni
I agree with that!