Weekly Prompt #31: What are your fears when it comes to social situations?
Hi everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: Are you using black-and-white thinking? Thank you to all who participated and shared your thoughts with us. I appreciate you all. I hope all who may read it find it relatable too. If anyone hasn't shared yet, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: What are your fears when it comes to social situations? What are you afraid of?
For some, the fear of judgment and rejection looms large in social settings. The thought of being scrutinized or criticized by others can be paralyzing. The fear of not being accepted or fitting in can make social interactions feel like a minefield. It's natural to want to be liked and accepted, but the fear of not measuring up to others' expectations can be overwhelming. So, what are your fears when it comes to social situations? What are you afraid of? Share your thoughts and experiences – you're not alone in navigating the complexities of social interactions. Let's explore our fears together and support each other in facing them with courage and compassion.
I'm afraid of people who scream, yell, berate, insult, and threaten. I'm afraid of passive aggressive backstabbing and duplicitous people who lure you into a false sense of security just to use your vulnerability against you. Those who offer help with strings attached so they can coerce you into doing something you don't want to do later on with guilt trips or threats. And I'm wary of people whose behaviour suggests they might do these sorts of things. For example, a person who gossips about people to you is probably gossiping about you to others.
@Zeraphim It sounds like you've had difficult experiences in social situations in the past that have left you feeling hurt and wary. Those are very understandable fears. How have those experiences impacted you emotionally?
@ASilentObserver:)
@ASilentObserver
"The thought of being scrutinized or criticized by others can be paralyzing"
I had this just the other day. I was in a class and someone came and started watching. I immediately became tense and self aware. The watcher then spoke to the instructor. I was convinced it was about me, but it could have been anything. It really spoilt the class for me and I was really angry with myself for letting it spoil my morning.
@Clio9876 That sounds frustrating! It can be difficult when we feel like we're being watched or judged, especially when it happens in a place where we're supposed to be vulnerable and ourselves. It's understandable that it would leave you feeling tense and self-aware. How did you cope with those feelings after the class?
@Clio9876
I understand this fear. I've had a similar experience, but in my case it was a scheduled observation. They watched and talked to my instructor. Then, I was told by both of them that I was not fitted to this profession and that maybe I should do something else. It was beyond humiliation. I carry this fear now anytime I think I am observed.
@NotAllHere713
Oh, no! What a miserable experience!
I'm learning to take back my pen. It's time the opinions of others no longer write my story. I hope you too find your pen. You have worth and a valid contribution to make!
@ASilentObserver
What are your fears when it comes to social situations?
If one fears certain social situations, it may be out of inexperience. Some social situations can be terrible to anyone - like a police stop or an angry crowd. But between fearing the unknown, projecting terrible outcomes and judging ourselves is often things dreaded by the younger adults. If I could give advice to that group, it would be to rely on your curiosity and good cheer so the interactions are more pleasant and less awkward.
I realized somewhere in my 20s that I could overcome my shyness and that some social interactions were interesting challenges, which had to be overcome from level to level. If you work at it, you do get better. Treating everyone respectfully but as an equal (whether upper or lower "equal") makes you appear confident, a confidence that you will own at some point.
@Fradiga It sounds like you have valuable insights into managing social anxiety. How did you build up your confidence in social situations?
@ASilentObserver
Good question! I was teaching public speaking at some point and in order to teach that, I had to think what had happened with myself. I had been a professional entertainer (music) also and stage fright was easily dealt with after my first time, because I realized something... I also had had the surprise to pass the national end-of-schooling exam with much better grades on the oral part than the written part, even in mathematics.
There is a huge difference between taking oral tests or job interviews, where you expect to be assessed (JUDGED!) and speaking with strangers. Which one occurs most often? Right, the second one, where there is little danger of failing anything. The perils you think of come out of your imagination and certainly not from the other side. If someone has the gall to put you down for what you innocently said, it's on them and it says more about their character than yours.
When you speak to anyone, they just expect to learn something from you or to be entertained, and 😃both at once if possible. Same thing if you play music to a crowd: They are there to listen, not to rate you, so they are already on your side, looking forward to the experience. Join them with your gift. If you make a mistake in conversation, correct yourself, keep your poise and move on.
If you make a mistake in music, don't stop or it will make it worse. Chances are NO-ONE noticed.
@Fradiga It sounds like you have gained valuable insights through your experiences as a performer and teacher. Your perspective on framing social interactions as opportunities for connection and sharing rather than judgment can be really helpful in building confidence. also, embracing imperfections and moving forward can help us grow and learn.
Thank you for your kind words!
@Fradiga , this is so meaningful stated. Thank you for sharing with this with all of us ❣️
@ASilentObserver I don't want to be bullied, don't want to get hurt. And now ♿ + broken spine and stuff, I got no chance at sticking up for myself. So I'll stay in the safety of the care home😁 with my little piggies 😁
@Tinywhisper11
awwwww❤️❤️ sparrow and runt are so silly xD❤️and adorable❤️
id protect you :0 they wouldn’t stand a chance against me😁/j
@iloveyouxx
o and the first one too :0 (forgot the name) gotta make it fair hehe :P💜 they’re all adorable❤️
@iloveyouxx yaaaay! I have my own personal body guard ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
yus no one hurts my teeniebeanie❤️❤️❤️/lh
only I call bully you about spelling😁😁/j/j/j/j
@Tinywhisper11 It sounds like you have some understandable fears around being bullied and getting hurt in social situations. Being in a care home with your pets can provide a sense of safety and comfort. How do you feel about relying on others for protection?
@ASilentObserver I kinda already do, it's not easy though
@Tinywhisper11 yeah for sure, Tiny but your steps are counting. You trying your best and we are proud of you and believe in you <3
@ASilentObserver ❤ thankyou ❤❤
I’m scared of people unintentionally saying or doing something that triggers me. I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle my emotions in such situations. I feel like it will change the way people look at me. They’ll offer sympathy and say they want to be there for me but when I do open up to them, they leave. They get tired of me when I’m at my lowest once I’ve become vulnerable to them. So people in general don’t scare me or give me anxiety, it’s the possibility of what could happen if I show them the real me. I hate it when my brain automatically imagines worst case scenario while I’m around people I’m starting to get close with or those people who I love and am already close with.
@Juxtklop It sounds like you have a lot of worries about being vulnerable with others and the potential for them leaving you. Those fears likely bring up difficult feelings for you. Would you share more about what these feelings are like for you?
@ASilentObserver I feel like I’m being judged. I’m used to being called ‘smart and funny’ by people. I like that. But my past experiences have proven that when i tell them about my past, their perception of me will change. They start treating me like I’m someone very delicate and I don’t like that. I’ve never been treated that caringly by anyone, not even my own family. So I never know how to react and they think I’m just doing so to gain attention and nothing is in fact bothering me.
@Juxtklop I understand sharing about your past can bring up difficult feelings. It sounds like you don't enjoy being seen as fragile or broken. How do you cope with such situations?
@ASilentObserver I only trust one person who knows about my past. I don’t tell anyone else about it because what are they going to do about it anyway? I came here so I can feel heard. Sometimes I’ll draw or write whenever my thoughts are gettign too much to handle.
@Juxtklop It sounds like you've been through a lot and trust is important to you when sharing your experiences. Expressing yourself through art can be a powerful way to process difficult emotions. What do you find most helpful when you're feeling overwhelmed?
@ASilentObserver sometimes just scribbling or making random patterns on a paper using a pen really helps. Otherwise I just cry it out until I can’t breathe I guess…
@Juxtklop This response is in reference to your last message. It sounds like you've found some creative ways to cope with feeling overwhelmed in the past. Crying can also be a way of releasing emotions when we feel too much.
My fears when it comes to social situations are embarrassing myself, being too slow to catch on to certain jokes and understand complex questions and conversation topics, and no one liking me.
@sailormoon97 I can see how those would be difficult feelings to experience in social situations. Those feelings of embarrassment and feeling left out can be particularly painful. Can you share more about what it feels like to experience those feelings?
I feel dumb and disappointed in myself when I'm embarrassed. I feel lonely and unloved when I'm left out.
Being judged, like all eyes are on me. Even though I know that is not the case. People are often less observant then you think and more occupied with their own thoughts and problems. But still, when people look at me, or take initiative it is hard to not feel like people have thoughts about that and judge me. Like, how do I look? how do I come across? What do you really think of this?
I am also very perceptive of peoples body language or underlying tone when they say something. Like when you say: look at this or I did this and they say "oh, great" but do they really mean it though? I notice these patterns in their behaviour or expression and when positive I "grow" in a social situation, when negative I "shrink".
@Michelh1996 It sounds like you have a lot of self awareness which can be both good and bad. Good because you are aware of what you want to improve, bad because you put so much pressure on yourself. How does being judged make you feel?
@ASilentObserver It kinda enforces perfection, like 0-100 or black and white thinking. Like it needs to be good, otherwise it is bad. I get selfconscious about how I look or when buying clothes I end up not buying items if they don't fit perfectly. It causes some stress and fuels the division I made in the last post about growing when in a positive mindset/environment and shrinking, like becoming reserved or quiet when in a negative one, maybe caring less or making less of an effort.
@Michelh1996 I hear you Michelh. Being judged can cause us to feel many different ways, and it sounds like being judged makes you feel pressured to be perfect. You have a deep understanding of how this pressure shows up for you.
@ASilentObserver True, I think being aware of the public image is very important. But often the people that "don't care" seem to be the happiest. Like if you do something with confidence, or do something at all, it becomes a standard, or just fine. Yet, it is sometimes hard to to worry about these things, get insecure about them or shake the pressure and fears.
@ASilentObserver
My voice changes and I have no control over it. I can see people struggling to listen to me. I do speech pathology exercises to help, but it does not cure the issue.
I also say things I later regret that I said. Then I am embarrassed to reveal later that I said something that was not true, but that I just sometimes speak and don't speak accurate information.
@purpleTree4652 It sounds like you feel embarrassed about aspects of yourself that show up in social situations. Embarrassment can be difficult to grapple with, especially when it feels tied to specific parts of ourselves. How do you cope with these feelings when they arise?
@ASilentObserver
It's a work in progress. The speech pathology exercises have helped. At least I can keep talking now. My voice changes but if people don't like it, that's on them.
As to speaking accurate information, well, I do my best. If I sound flighty, well, I'm trying to improve. This going to school while working thing is the first time I've done this in about 20 years...and it's the first time since after my trauma. So I am happy with how far I have come. I still have a ways to go.
@purpleTree4652 It sounds like you're making great strides in your recovery. I am proud of you! What would you say has been the most challenging part of going back to school while working?
@ASilentObserver
Thanks, ASO. The hardest part? I don't know if there is a hardest part. There are parts that are equally hard. 1. This semester my classes are extremely demanding. At the beginning to the semester I was seriously considering dropping down to one class, or even quitting. I was thinking that this is more than I can handle. But I reached out for help to several professors, and they came through for me. One of them told me to read an article about how to keep up with all the reading in grad school. It changed my outlook and my performance. I am now back to being on top of my classes assignments and relaxed. 2. Going through life with no one to help me is like putting out a raging house fire, daily, and then the next day, finding that the house fire now also has a 40 foot monster growling and coming at me to try to end me. I am the Queen of Misfortune, so I frequently have lots of bad and drastic news that I have to deal with daily--multiple severely bad issues--while I have to go to work and function well and attend classes and function exceptionally if I want an A for my grade.
My strength is amazing. But at home when I fall into a deep depression, it feels just about like too much--too much for me to handle. I fall into bed and spend as much time there as possible. I can sleep and doze for about 20 hours straight on the weekend. And I don't feel bad about that. My life is my own and I don't have to please anyone else.
I'm honestly okay not really fitting in and having trouble communicating with ppl due to my disabilities and all. When it comes to fears, my fears are as simple as being touched. I'm not good with touch. And I'm also not good with aggression, especially when it's directed at me, so that's another fear when it comes to ppl.
@OneErased It sounds like you have some understandable fears related to your experiences. Fear of being touched and fear of aggression can be difficult to navigate, especially when they are triggered by interactions with others. How do these fears impact your daily life?
@ASilentObserver
I'm not really comfortable around ppl, and crowded places get to me big time. Public transport's not fun, even tho I have to take it regularly. So yeah, definitely affects the daily life.
@OneErased I understand you find crowds and public transport challenging. These experiences can make a difference in our daily lives. What emotions do these situations bring up for you?
Absolutely fear of rejection! It's very challenging to approach a situation with the anxiety of feeling like you're being judged or disliked by others. But it's important to remind yourself that not everyone will like you, and that's okay (it's their loss anyway). Just try to be you and the rest will happen naturally.
@Heather225 Thank you H for your encouraging words. I agree. It can feel so vulnerable to put ourselves out there and risk potential rejection. But knowing your worth isn't defined by other people's opinions of you is a helpful perspective.
