Commitment Phobia: What
Understanding What Exactly Commitment Phobia Is:
Commitment Phobia is something we might see often and it actually happens to both men and women. Its a very painful experience both for the person suffering from it and whoever is involved with that person. Its the avoidance of long-term relationships. The thing is that this whole concept is way more pervasive than it might seem, its not just being afraid of getting into long-term relationships or pushing away a really good partner material. People who fear committing to a relationship will often have difficulty committing to other simpler decisions too and it will affect their school work and home life as well. For example: they may have trouble deciding on careers, where to travel on vacation, what to eat for dinner and the list just goes on and on. The irony is that we sometimes fear what we most need - in case it doesnt work out !
Things That Might Have Resulted In Developing This Kind Of Phobia (There Are Endless Probabilities):
♦ It may be that deep down the person fears being vulnerable or rejected.
♦ They may feel that the consequences of a future relationship breakdown would be the worse the more time they invest in that relationship.
♦ They may have history of painful breakups.
♦ They may have witnessed the rocky relationships of parents and have the blueprint that no relationship ever works out.
Signs You Might Be Commitment-Phobic:
♦ You have chronic issues committing yourself to just one person.
♦ You feel as though relationships hold you back.
♦ You still feel emotionally scarred from previous relationships.
♦ Even your best relationships end for the smallest reasons.
♦ Feeling dread or terror at the thought of marriage.
♦ You understand that such fear is irrational but youre unable to control it.
♦ You back out of plans at the last minute.
♦ You have trouble setting a time for dates.
♦ Youre just looking for perfection in all the wrong places.
Quick Tips For The Commitment-Phobic Person:
♦ Engage in the present moment. Be right here, right now with the person you are with.
♦ Know and accept that nothing and no one is perfect.
♦ Practice meditation regularly as a way to calm anxiety. The instinct to run and escape often is a way to calm anxiety. So use another way to calm that feeling state that is sabotaging your relationships.
♦ Name your fear, ask yourself: What exactly am I afraid of?
♦ Become more decisive: indecisiveness becomes a habit over time.
♦ Imagine the fear of commitment has gone: perhaps write down in detail your future life without the fear.
♦ Take good care of yourself (Eating healthy, avoiding caffeine or sugars, getting exercise, getting fresh air, spending quality time with close ones and most of all relaxing)
Its Discussion Time!
Please answer the questions given c:
1) After reading, do you think youve got any signs of developing Commitment Phobia?
2) How long have you been suffering from Commitment Phobia?
3) Do you know anyone who might be actually developing such Phobia according to what you read?
4) How does Commitment Phobia affect your lifestyle?
5) How does Commitment Phobia affect your mental health?
6) In your opinion, What should be your next step regarding this issue?
Helpful Links:
Reasons youre afraid of commitment (what to do about it)
Meditating website/application
Hmm, I don't feel like I fear commitment to a debilitating degree, but I do have a history of being terribly indecisive. My question is, is it possible that everyone fears commitment to some degree? Or is it very obvious to others when you have a fear of commitment?
@MouKarai Hello there loafly c: First off thanks a lot for reading! I really appreciate it! Most people are scared of making commitments because it can fall as a responsibility on them but such mild fears do not classify under the term "phobia" though c:
@MouKarai
Welcome! Im Lizzy and Im currently a trained listener and intern. I hope you find what you are looking for here in 7 Cups. Please feel free to message me whenever. I will usually reply within the day and if Im online, you should expect a reply straight away! I specialise in anxiety, panic attacks and loneliness mostly but you are always free to message me for other reasons!
https://www.7cups.com/15248074
I'm somewhat commitment-phobic as well @MouKarai -- not terribly extreme, but I have some of the features. But recently learning I am on the spectrum, and possibly also have ADHD (the comorbidity rate is very high, and I seem to have a lot of the features), I wonder if it might not be that, rather than a fear of commitment. But maybe I'll never know the answer.
@MouKarai. Great question! Its like the quote what is most personal is most universal. I think everyone has a fear of getting hurt and an aversion to vulnerability. Its when it keeps you from living your life and having authentic relationships that its to an unhealthy degree.
@Nada, Thank you for bringing attention to this important and common phobia that we often underlook. The post is well written, well structured and I especially like the colour combination. 
@Hope Thank's a lot for your feedback <3 I'm glad you found it helpful C: <3
I think the worst thing is that we call it Commitment Phobia . Because its a big word and as many fears do if we dont analyse a thing over too hard ("do i have the symptoms?" " am i afraid of this?" we may actually understand that with love there is always something to be afraid of and thats ok. Finding the perfect person it is tricky as it is, without disecting if we are or arent ready for a serious relationship . i would like to call commitment phobia a different name..like smurf feet.yeah smurf feet make me think i totally can deal with this:)
@Ylina I totally love your look out and prespective of the subject Ylina! Inspiring as well, you are right! You can get through it ♡
I feel that my social anxiety is deeply rooted in a fear of commitment. Some of the measures listed above don't apply to me because I'm so efficient at shutting down possibilities before they have the potential to threaten commitment. Rather than break up with someone because they directly demand commitment, I ice out a person to avoid ever meeting them and thus avoid ever having to face that situation.
@Nada
yes, I think I do. I have a hard time telling others about myself, for one I am afraid to be wrong, and two I am afraid that I will have chosen the wrong person or that I will in the future find that they weren't worth sharing with. it affects my lifestyle in that I am afraid to make friends because they may turn on me or leave me and then I will have been vulnerable only to get hurt in the end.
I feel that I should take small steps in opening up more, while still being comfortable.
It took me until the age of 43 until I realized that I had commitment phobia. I didn't realize it was an actual psychological issue. I thought it was was just a joke, like you see on TV. After I broke up with this gorgeous woman who was extremely kind and caring towards me took my friend's wife pointed out to me that I had commitment phobia. After researching it, everything was spot on. I finally was able to put a finger on why in the past I had broken out into a cold sweat when getting close to someone, had difficulty ejaculating during sex, and became physically repulsed by a gorgeous woman once it started to become serious. I think I can trace mine back to the fact that at 13 , after moving to a new part of the country, my mom was hospitalized for depression and I took over the parental role for the family. From what I've read that can lead to arrested development, in essence, you remain at the age at which you had to abandon your childhood. It was during this time too that I would isolate myself in my bedroom to try to protect myself from the verbal abuse at my new school and my fractured family situation. Now that I'm approaching my late 40s I look back with deep regret of having never been married and having a family. At this age your future stares you in the face and you're confronted with being alone. I'm currently working with a therapist to try to resolve it. The subconscious is an overwhelming force.
@Nada
1) After reading, do you think youve got any signs of developing Commitment Phobia?
Yes, I'm indecisive and commit to one friend at a time
2) How long have you been suffering from Commitment Phobia?
Since university I guess
3) Do you know anyone who might be actually developing such Phobia according to what you read?
I know my rapist was this way
4) How does Commitment Phobia affect your lifestyle?
It affects my hygiene, and building a career, and good mental and physical health
5) How does Commitment Phobia affect your mental health?
It is delibitating
6) In your opinion, What should be your next step regarding this issue?
I don't know. Get electrostimulative therapy to get rid of ptsd probably
@Nada Thank you for sharing. Many of us suffer from this phobia
I know my fear of commitment is rooted in self-doubt. Whenever someone I'm fond of shows romantic interest in me, my immediate reaction is rejection, thinking to myself "I'm not good enough for them", "They deserve someone who can reciprocate their feelings and make them happy, and it's not me". Ever since these thoughts have been consuming enough for me to take the initiave for breaking up my first two serious relationships, I spare myself the guilt of giving others heartbreak by refusing to give more chances to love altogether. And I have engrained this notion that, until I don't fix my self-esteem, I can't get into a new relationship, because I shouldn't let my partner deal with my issues. Sigh.
I have a number of phobias...commitment phobia,social anxiety phobia,and work phobia.
I broke up with this guy about 3 years ago.We were engaged to be married.I broke up with him,but we still remain friends today.He has been in previous relationships,but I haven
i have commitment phobia as well. i have such a hard time trusting people and getting genuinely comfortable with people because i knkw loves of your life are rare. i always tell myself i want to date and i want a boyfriend but when i am getting close to having one or being committed i always back out and convince myself they arent what im looking for and that im gonna mess up and break their heart or theyll break mine. i overthink everything and thats why i cant date someone because i feel like i will just be a hassle for them. i got scarred a few years ago when i was with a guy who was very into me and i thought i was into him, but i didnt feel it anymore and i broke up with him. he cried to me and looked me dead in the eyes and said i broke his heart. i didnt know i could do that to anyone and now i live in fear when it comes to men because i dont want to hurt them and i feel like i dont deserve them. my mind talks me out of any good thing that i have and turns it to the negative. it ruins my self confidence and makes me get so down on myself until i hate myself. @AnxietyWarrior2
@AnxietyWarrior2
I'm 22 and i just realised I have commitment phobia .I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I'm digging deep into my past to understand where it came from and I think I have found it and I've been considering therapy to solve it and get the closure that I deserve. But the thought that I'll end up alone while everyone around me has their life put together is haunting me and I'm kinda scared of what the future will bring to me