Circles of Control, Influence and Concern
You might be familiar with the "Circles of Control, Influence and Concern"
The whole big circle is the "Circle of Concern", which includes all the things we are concerned about.
The "Circle of Control", includes the things we can control directly, such as our decisions, our self-talk, exercising, eating healthy, what we do in our free time, the films we choose to watch, the books we choose to read, the hobbies we cultivate Also our reactions to significant events in our life. Etc. The "Circle of Control" includes mostly things we do with ourselves.
The "Circle of Influence" includes things we can't control but we might have some influence. For example, our health, including our mental health (we can do things to improve it, but we don't determine it 100%), persuading others (if we are successful, which is not the case most of the time). Some things we have no individual control but can have an influence if many people do it, like voting (a small influence in politics), or recycling (contributes a tiny bit to protect the environment), etc. The more focused and active we are in our Circle of Control, the more Influence we have on things that matter to us.
The last "No Control" area includes all things over which we don't have any control, like our past, the opinions and behaviors of others, the economy, the weather, natural disasters, etc.
The more focused we are on our Circle of Control, the stronger and better we get.
Spending much time worrying about things that we can't control, might increase our anxiety.
- Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control?
- What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way?
- What things you can't control you spend time worrying about?
- What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"?
Which things that are important to you are within your circle of control?
Working out, eating healthy, trying to be social.
What things that you can’t control you would like to influence and in which way?
I want to be invested in my job teaching students and do a better job at influencing their lives. I want to try getting my friends and family to visit me as I just moved.
What things you can’t control you spend time worrying about?
im still in love with my ex but I am consumed with sickness thinking about her being with someone else.
What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three “Circles”?
I spend way too much time on the circle of concern. I need to focus more on the other two.
@stagrobby
Wow, you’ve done a great job breaking down all the things that you’re concerned about into those under your control and the ones that aren't. It sounds like the first step is already recognizing this, which is really important.
Now, I think a big question is - can you find a way to channel the energy you're putting towards those things outside of your control, into the things that are in your control? The things like working out, eating well, and building relationships with your students?
Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control? Japanese, coding, and lastly school. Those things are where I places all of my eggs so I need to be successful in all of those things because if I don’t I will be a failure.
What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way? The things I cannot control is my families opinion about me nor what I am.
What things you can't control you spend time worrying about? Everything, I feel like I cannot control anything. So I try my best to lessen up my grip on life.
What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"? I feel like I spend about 40% of my life worrying about those things, mainly because my absolute wanting to have control makes me need to think about that or else my panic attacks will be worse than they already are.
@reservedPark4029
Thank you for participating in this thought exercise.
I hope it was useful to you.
40% worrying about things you can't control is not that bad.
With some mental effort, you might be able to bring it to a more healthy percentage.
Some people in our lives will never agree with our choices. We have to be patient with them, and focus on our own path.
I wish you luck with Japanese (that is tough!), coding, school and life!
Marcelo.
ありがとうございます！
So basically, I've been having a recurring problem talking to people in any public situation, everytime I get in a public conversation or even a family conversation my eyes get watery and I get overwhelmed with the feeling of sadness, I haven't cried for like two years but this problem has really affected my life, it doesn't happen when I'm with someone I trust but only perhaps with people I'm scared will judge me? I don't know honestly any solutions?
@greenKiwi3899
Something I know that helps is gradual exposure to social situations.
You go through a sequence from the less threatening people you know, to the more challenging ones.
For example, you start by talking to a child in your family you get well along with. Have long, meaningful talks.
Once you are comfortable with that, you move to a little bit more challenging person, ideally a very kind calm person. Could be a friend or family member that's a bit yourger than you or older, even a loving old person. like a grandmother. Have long chats with them and/or do things together in a pleasant, relaxed environment.
Then try to have short chats with "neutral" non-threatening people. Like a nice female clerk in a grocery store. You can comment about the weather, current events in the news, etc.
You might move then to even more challenging situations, like talking to a male clerck, or starting a conversation at a bus stop with a seemingly nice old woman.
And on and on... Do this practice intentionally as a way to train your capabilities for social interactions. Like someone in a gym starting to lift light weights and progressing to heavier ones.
Do it at your own pace. Never rush it. Don't move up to the next level until you are comfortable with the current one.
There are also useful books with tips for social interaction, like those by Leil Lowndes (Goodbye to Shy, How to Talk to Anyone), Susan RoAne (How to Work a Room) and many others. You can also google for tips about dealing with Social Anxiety.
Joining a Toastmasters club or any other Public Speaking club in your area might be very useful as well, as they provide a gradual, structured path towards confident public speaking, within a kind, supportive, group of people.
Last but not least, you might consider doing therapy. CBT therapy might be particularly effective and with quicker results for this issue.
I hope something of this can help you improve in this area of your life.
All the best!
Marcelo
Cannot love this enough 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Thank you very, much, Sunshine!
You are such a wise person who takes full advantage of the things you have full control over, to make your life, and that of the ones around you. as happy as possible!
Doing so much good in the world and spreading happiness all around here!
Always grateful!
Marcelo
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
You are very kind 😎😎🙌🙌♥️♥️
You are most welcome.
تضمين التغريدة
your control? Arts Traveling Reading My Garden My Cat What are the things you cannot control, and would you like to influence them, and in what way? Memories, some situations with close people, my mood swings, multitasking and skills, and the opinions of friends I just try to change my habits and set daily goals What are the things you can't control and spend time worrying about? Death, separation of loved ones, illness, whether it was for me or for others or for animals What percentage of time and effort do you put into each of these three "circles"? Most of the time is the first circuit and times between 2 and 3
@Saly33
Absolutely!
You have done such an amazing job of identifying exactly what you can and can't control, and what you can and can't influence.
This is a huge part of what we is called "emotional intelligence" and "emotional maturity." The ability to recognize these things is a skill and it takes effort to develop.
You've done a great job and it's clear that you're on the right path of making positive choices and focusing on the things that are important for improving your life.
@HealingTalk
- Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control?
things that are important to me that are in my Circle of Control are anything that i can manage on my own with my own time management skills. - What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way?
things that i can't control are things that happen that are not within the scope of my actions. i would like to influence these things by having a perception of them happening before it can lead to something bad. - What things you can't control you spend time worrying about?
things that i can't control that i spend time worrying about are things that i can't make the adequate time for in my life. i tend to have racing thoughts, or ruminating thoughts about things that i can't control - What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"?
- i think that in each of these three "Circles", i spend more time on things within my control, because i believe that i can be more productive this way!!!
IMHO, you have a very well-thought-out perspective on control and time management, @NewYorker11
You focus on controllable things: You have a proactive mindset. This approach allows you to use your time management skills effectively to achieve your goals and make progress in areas you value.
You accept there are uncontrollable events. This is a realistic outlook on life. It's natural to desire some influence over external events, and your interest in perceiving these occurrences before they lead to negative consequences shows a willingness to adapt and prepare yourself mentally for those.
You are aware of how wasteful is to devote time to uncontrollable worries. The awareness of wasting time on worries about things beyond your control is the first great step in addressing racing thoughts and rumination. Identifying racing thoughts and rumination can help you prepare strategies to redirect your focus and reduce stress.
Believing that spending more time on things within your control increases productivity aligns with the idea of directing your efforts where they can make a real difference. By concentrating your energy on manageable tasks, you enhance your sense of accomplishment and personal growth.
You have such a balanced and mindful approach to managing your life!
You are wise, man!
Very good post, thought provoking, and interesting responses.
@VioletVeritas
Thank you very much, Tas!
@HealingTalk
I believe everyone every day we wake up and we have work to do, not necessarily for an employer.
Today I went shopping for groceries, ran into a friend who gave me a lift home, and met with a caseworker.
Each interaction could have been positive or negative. People like being around me. I am concerned for them and behave in a way that contributes to them.
What if all I did was complain totally negative anger and black cloud? I had an effect but this time a negative one. My friend is mad and grumpy not happy and passes that off. My caseworker is relieved to see me go, and she is that less empathetic.
So what we do the choices we make, ripple out from us like a pebble thrown in a pond.
Choose wisely!
Wow, that's such a profound way to look at it @RogueOne1983 !
You are right about the power of "the ripple effect."
Every action we take and choice we make, no matter how small, has far-reaching consequences for ourselves and others around us. Even something as simple as interacting with others in a positive or negative way can have a profound impact.
We make a difference in the world, even through seemingly small actions. This is a big responsibility.
You seem like a thoughtful and empathetic person who really cares about making a positive difference in the world.
I love the idea of choosing our actions wisely because of the ripple effect.
@HealingTalk thanks much for this great feedback; much appreciated!!
