Anxiety & sexual relationships - fear of having an orgasm
My bf & I have almost been together for 8 years. I'm very comfortable around him & he's dealt with my chronic mental health illnesses the whole time I've been together.
although i do become aroused, by the time it goes to it I freak out. Whenever I'm close to an orgasm, I panic. It makes me feel like something bad is going to happen. It makes me feel out of control. It feels too intense. My bf can't wrap my head around when I say, it feels too much but I can't explain it.
my bf is very understanding & would never force himself on me or make me do anything i don't want to. It really upsets me but he says it doesn't matter. It matters to me tho & i know deep down it frustrates him.
I don't like sex. Never have and never will. I believe it should be used for making children. Nothing more or less. I found a guy that agreed with me, but he left... I am afraid I will never find someone again. There is so much more to a relationship then just sex, I believe.. I have no sexual desire sadly. Maybe that's why I have no future.><
Hi ^^ maybe you are just asexual and it is totally OK. Don't force yourself into something you don't like! I am sure you'll find someone who will understand you!
I know I'm not asexual because I crave sex & interested in it. I do get aroused & fantasise about sex so I know I'm not asexual.
the problem is the fear of the orgasm. I don't understand the phobia and I don't know how to get through it.
I've never had an orgasm cos I've always pushed away when it's about to happen.
I think alex was responding to Biohazard :)
@Biohazard You do have a future. You're asexual, and there is nothing wrong with that.
I unfortunately can't be of uch help. I can tell you that you are not alone. Your post gave me such relief because now i know that i am not the only one to experience this. My boyfriend is so understanding though, i wish you the best of luck and I hope someone can explain this better to both of us!!
I'm glad your bf is understanding too.
does he sometimes take it personally, mine does. Sometimes he thinks it happens cos there's something wrong with him.. Which is not true!
Do you get close to orgaam when you masturbate
Yes
So why not just continue playing
See my original post
So its all about just letting go .
If it were that simple as you make it out to be then I wouldn't be in this situation
Dear Panda, Thank you for sharing. That must have been a little daunting. I can relate. While I don't experience the anxiety you described, I do understand feeling like it's "too much". I have never had an orgasm with my husband. I had a girlfriend who didn't have her first orgasm until 25 because she had a psychological block as a result of sexual trauma. Fortunately her story has a happy ending. Do you think this could be happening to you?
What do you do when it gets roo much?
Panda,
Well, in general, I would say I have a healthy sex drive. However, as for most women I think, my emotional state is intrinsically linked to my mood. This is rings truer as I also struggle with a spectrum of mental illness symptoms. Fortunately, my partner is most loving and kind. However, I think he doesn't know what to do so he just doesn't try. I generally make it my priority to care for him sexually as I feel my needs are some times a lost cause. I have had partners who have been able to reciprocate me however. I am certainly capable of orgasm. But I often remind him that sometimes I do not want one due to the same sensitivity you described. I do not have internal orgasms so I can enjoy sex without worrying that I will necessarily "build up" to one. I have specific needs that will get me there, so I simply do not do those things when I am in no mood for an orgasm or sex in general. I would say I spend about 40% of my energy making certain his needs are met because my sexuality is so inconsistent. One week I am insatiable, and the next depression makes me indifferent toward sex altogether. That said, I don't think this is something that can be generalized. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Another damper on my very personal situation is that my husband and I live with his family made of seven members and growing, so there is little to no privacy. This also contributes to my inability to enjoy sex as much as I'd like, and as much as he deserves. I am certain the dynamic will change once we get on our feet and live alone. Maybe then I will be able to climax with him. But for me, it is not involuntary. I wish I was more lucky. Do you feel your body can give way even if you don't want to?
Thanks for sharing. Do not feel discouraged! 
@StrawberryPanda
Have you experienced an orgasm before or have you always stopped just as you are about to get there?
It may be an idea to develop your confidence through masturbation before you attempt it with a partner.
It is good to hear that your partner is understanding. You are not alone in being anxious about orgasm and having a partner that is supportive puts you in a better position to being able to find solution over time.Be patient with yourself.
Sweetheart thanks so much for sharing this topic and being so open. You must feel so terrible and probably wonder why you just can't be 'normal' and have normal sex you just want to be a good partner and sometimes you feel like you are not. Come talk to me anytime if you need it I love you and want to help.
So your anxiety builds during the foreplay and run-up to orgasm to where you feel it's too much and you are at the mercy of the anxiety?
@tab20z
Simetimes it's just easier to not have to anticipate the trying, so I guess I set the bar low. But to be honest I have been terribly unhappy in my sex life for two years now. He doesn't respond to my needs. It's the same every time, the same position, the same selfish endeavor, the same anticlimactic finish. It's awful. I have been very happy in the past with sexual partners so I know it's possible. I think it just depends on the pairing, the love, and the chemistry. My anxiety stems from a place of simply not wanting to have sex with this person and pretending to be interested for the sake of kindness.
I have the same problem. I have no problem getting there on my own but when I'm with a partner it's hard. I still build and I feel myself getting to that point. I get all the signs of being turned on but i cant do it with someone else. Last time a guy tried to get me there he actually asked me if I was close and I lied and said no. I'm scared of feeling out of control and vulnerable.it's probably because I was assaulted as a kid and my mom constantly shamed me for expressing my sexuality growing up. He ended up stopping and I could tell he was quite frustrated that he couldn't get me there. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one.
My issue is a little different. I've tried may things but with my current partner i just can't get there and im really scared of getting close because i know he'll make it before i do and i hate feeling that intense build up and then nothing. It makes me cry and feel out of control also. He's always so fast and a little clumsy when it comes to foreplay. I have tried just getting him to hold me after sex while i play but i feel like it is a chore to him and makes him feel insecure. I'm at a loss i what to try new things with him so it gets me more worked up so it doesn't take me so long but he's not into a lot of the things i want to try. He's fairly insecure but hides it well from most. I've been with current partner going on 3yrs and only at the very beginning was i able to cum before or at same time. I feel totally at a loss of what to do from here I've tried to talk to him about it but it hasn't gotten much better he tries a bit more in foreplay but as i said it doesn't usually get me very far and if it does at all by now i just know not to get my hopes up. Fairly worried ill have to do things myself forever and thats depressing and lonely
@LoveGrows97
My life :/
@LoveGrows97
I have post coital depression. For me, after an orgasm I can become severely depressed, even suicidal. My brain uses too much serotonin in the orgasm and then has nothing left. It makes me feel out of control and anxious during sex about it happening.
Does this sound like what you're dealing with?
My husband has been very understanding. If I tell him to stop doing something because it has me too close, he lets me cool down or change to doing something else. Communication the entire time is part of what makes sex work for us.
masturbate lol. you can even look up diagrams/tutorials online. figure out how to get it on your own first (it takes practice but keep trying). even invest in toys. once you know what you like, you can tell him what you like. focus on what feels good/comfortable to you. try not to worry about pleasing him. if he's a good partner he'll want you to be happy!
@Daydreamer47
What happens when your partner is not receptive to your sexual needs?
@blitheSun94 idk if I'm the best person to help you, but maybe try to talk about it with them or consider couples counseling? The couples counselor can help both of you with communicating those things. Only you can decide what to do about your relationship though. If it's someone you really care about, I hope you can work through it with communication. If over time, the relationship is really toxic and making you unhappy, you may choose to move on.
@Daydreamer47
Mhm, I certainly have one foot out the door. Just trying to wait to the end of our lease agreement. Thanks for your support.
@StrawberryPanda Hi there! I'm sorry I can't be of help to you, but I have the same exact problem and it's comforting to know that I'm not alone. A few days ago I realised that I probably won't orgasm for a very long time and, if not, I'm not sure if I ever will. It's too much for me too and I just can't let it go. Vaginal stimulation feels good, but it starts to burn after a little. I'm terified to orgasm it seems. I'm also 19 and a virgin, so I'm worried that I won't be able to have sex with my future boyfriend even though I have strong sexual desires... :(
@Sweet92590 Literally the same problem with me.
Please continue to support one another. 
@StrawberryPanda its totally fine but just remember tp not put yourself in unconfortable situations :) and dont be forced into it or pressured
