What is Being Bipolar Like?

@jesusredeemedme2425

Sharing 💜💕

Thanks @jesusredeemedme2425 for giving the platform to share our stories. I believe stories are the greatest form factor of Learning and if my story can help someone then I am all in.

I was diagnosed with BPD Type 2 in 2012 after suffering silently for 2 years. I used to abuse myself heavily with alcohol and weed during that time. It was all play and fun as I was just out of college and doing my job.

I am a very energetic, people oriented, bright and have been a leader ever since I was a kid. I enjoy playing music guitar and drums and singing. Bipolar lows always generated some amazing songs out from me. And Bipolar Highs made me perform these publicly and also approach a lot of women with a confidence that was borderline cocky.

I was obnoxious during my highs and contained in my corner during my lows. Once diagnosed I started going to AA as I couldn’t drink while taking my medicines. This was the first step towards recovery.

My AA Journey

AA thought me to accept my weaknesses and make amends. It made me sober and I stayed sober for 3 years post that. This really helped me as abstinence from weed and alcohol was the most required and rewarding experience.

Return back to Normalcy. New friend circle.⭕️

With medication and sobriety, I was able to return back to my old self with stability back in life. I enjoyed just doing things sober. I found a new friend circle at work and hung out playing music and being sober. I met my future wife also in this ⭕️

Slipping back to old habits

During the new years ever of 2015, I went out to party and indulged in smoking weed as I was sober for almost 3 years. This single activity opened doors for all the old demons to sneak back in. I occasionally started drinking again. I started my womanising habits again. I started gambling again. All my vices came back and I officially had a manic episode after 3 years. This time I was so far out gone. The mania that used to last for 7 to 10 days lasted for 40 days. It just devastated me, took all my savings apart, and just made me go through the worst part of my life, which at that time seemed to be the best part of my life! Weed, cocaine, MDMA, alcohol I was all over the place.

Return back to serenity

My wife then became my girlfriend and she made me realise my folly and pieced me back together. I became sober again and then was sober for another 3 years. My medication changed Lithium was introduced along with divalporex which was my initial medication.

Fall from grace.

I had achieved a lot in the next big phase of stability:

1. Sober again

2. Found a girl to be my partner

3. Had a good set of friends

4. Good at my job

5. Bought a home

6. Got married

7. Bought a car

8. Got promoted

   This was like a fairy tale for me as I never thought I could have a normal life like this.

   Then creeped in the occasional drinking, occasional smoking up. This became a pattern. I was not consumed by it, but I was always looking forward to it.

   Then my wife had to go to France for a couple of weeks for her work and I started smoking pot and indulging in all my old vices and spent all our savings.

   Road to Redemption

   After my wife came back from one of her trips she caught me red handed with some women and then my life got a reality check. I was so out of my way in ruining my own fairy tale. This led to almost a divorce,

   But thanks to my wife, she stood by me and I had another medicine changed Lithium was taken off and Oxetal was introduced and then I was given serta this took a month to settle in and in another 3 months I had to deal with a lot of inner work to forgive myself and move on I started journaling again and learning and applying all the tasks that made me sober and happy before

   Life is beautiful

   Now I’m doing much better. Sober and quit smoking. We are trying to have kids now. My parents in law are here and they just love me.

   This is something I am not going to throw away. I am going to make sure I stay sober and continue this extension of life that has been so generously gifted to me by my wonderful wife and God!

   Hope my stories strike a chord with all suffering and spark some hope.

Hi

Hi

@jesusredeemedme2425

its confusing, 
i'm compassionate yet careless and selfish, ambitious yet i keep finding excuses, i feel lonely yet i'll actively avoid people, i'm calm as can be yet i hate anger management issues, i'm very self aware yet blissfully ignorant
my choices, my beliefs, my thoughts... are all contradicting 

most of the times idk what i want, if i'll still want the same thing, if it even matters

It's been ***

Progressively getting worse while impacting my daily life/jobs/relationships in such disastrous ways

But im finding my way, slowly, yet surely