Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel nervous and disgusted. But I feel I may be making some progress. I had lunch in the break room today at work. I enjoyed some light conversation while eating. I haven't had lunch in about 4 months. Now I feel like I'm extremely bloated and uncomfortable. I made no progress finding a therapist. I'm not even sure if I should attempt anymore.
@Redheadbaker7206 - It sounds to me like despite being anxious about it and despite feeling discouraged in other areas, you were able to make some real progress and take a big step by eating lunch. And for that, I'm really proud of you!
What do you think has stopped you from making progress on finding a therapist? Is there something that might help make that easier, if it's something that feels like it would be helpful for you?
@Anomalia
Unfortunately it's my insurance that's really stopping me from finding a therapist. I called around to a few places and the cheapest was like 130. I'm single mom..I hate to say that as an excuse, but I need to make rent/after school fees. I obviously recovered before...bc I had my son. I can do it again. I'm just a little bit more nervous this time for some reason. If money weren't an issue I would go.
@Redheadbaker7206 - Got it. That definitely makes it a challenge. I know some therapists will pro-rate to make it more affordable, but I don't know a ton about looking for one that way. There's also an option of doing message based therapy on this site, which I think is $150 a month, so more affordable, but still not cheap.
One other option, and something that I personally found really helpful in my recovery was to find support groups that were free or 'recommended donation' of just a few dollars. If you're in the USA, anad.org has some great ones. If you're elsewhere, googling your location and 'eating disorder support group' can usually turn up something.
And, of course, if you ever just need to talk with someone who understands, I'm here. :)
I'm just going to jump right in, I starved myself to be thin, I lost a lot of weight and my family started to notice, my mother wasn't sleeping with worry, she talked to me, told me I was making myself sick, that I needed to eat, my sister told me that I was going down a dangerous road, that I was going to give myself an illness if I didn't stop, my father shouted at me, "What is your problem with food? Just bloody eat something!" My mother then started weighing me, crying afterwards when she saw I had lost more weight. I was going on holiday for three weeks and the day before I left my mother told me that if I came back one pound lighter than when I left, she was taking me to the doctors about an eating disorder, when I came back, I had gained a little weight, and she didn't bother taking me to see a doctor. I was never diagnosed, so what do I call that time of starving myself? Please, someone, I need help.
@Reflectinglight - It can still be an eating disorder even if it wasn't formally diagnosed. Or if it's easier to call it something else, that's okay, too. In my opinion, at least, the label of it isn't nearly as important as the recovery from it. How are things now? Are you still restricting, or are you back on a path of 'normal' eating? What about the reasons behind it happening in the first place - have you been able to talk about those with anyone and process all of those feelings? If you ever need anyone to talk to, you're more than welcome to reach out to me. Or if you think that seeing a doctor would still be helpful, it's okay to ask your mom if that's still an option - it sounds like she was pretty worried and would probably want you to get the help you need, even if you did gain back a little of the weight.
Hello, today is my first day committed to eating healthily / exact portion sizes for health. It has been a really rough day. In part I think because I didn't get enough sleep last night, so the whole thing has kind of been on the wrong foot. I'm also feeling really royally scared, there have been so many changes in my life and so many more coming, and I just wish I had a solid partner to support me, or a family to support me. I feel really, really sad that I don't. And sad that... I am where I am in life.
@singercrystalspirit - It's hard to do this without support, and it's really brave of you to be trying to despite that. It's okay to struggle, especially at the beginning, and it's okay to feel sad about how things are. You're taking really big steps by committing to trying here, and I'm really impressed. And I would love to help support you, if you want. You can feel free to message me. Take care, and good luck! You are a warrior and you can beat this!
A while ago I was restricting and lost weight. I tried to stop because it was getting really unhealthy but I gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time because my metabolism was really messed up. Recently I've decided to try and lose the weight I gained but through healthier methods and it's going really badly. I afraid I'm going to get caught up in restictive habits again.
@NebulousCoffee hi! This sounds a lot like me! You mentioned that your metabolism slowed and it is true that restriction can slow it down, meaning the only way to speed it up again is to boost your intake and never restrict. Just because you may not be the low weight you once were does not mean you deserve to eat less food. Its hard but I've been down that path and there is a way out!
I don't know what to say right now.. I'm in shock. The place where I work ....have been working for years...the manager just spoke to me about my weight. It was the most embarrassing thing...I feel like I have the wind knocked out of me. I guess they noticed my weight loss. Maybe 15 lbs in a month was a little much. I work at a doctor's office, do this doesn't help me very much. I'm nervous...sick to my stomach about going in today. I feel like I'm 15 years old again. I don't know what to do..I need this job
@Redheadbaker7206 - I wasn't there for the conversation, but it sounds an awful lot to me like they are concerned for you, and that's not a bad thing. Did they say anything to make you feel like your job is in jeopardy? Or did they express concern and a desire to help? What do you think would help you feel more secure there?
@Anomalia
This may sound crazy...but I don't remember the conversation. I remember the doctor came in and that's it. I don't think my job is in jeopardy. But I don't remember. It's like I blacked out. I don't remember being so scared in my life. But no one has brought it up today...I wish I could remember what was said.
@Redheadbaker7206 - Perhaps now that the immediate anxiety about your job is gone, your memory will let it come back with time. Glad to hear that you're feeling a little more secure today.
Hi I'm new 
I'm experiencing a bad moment never in life I've felt so hugly and big! I gained all the weight I've lost a month ago... I feel I can't go back to my bodyshape of one month ago and start again losing weight...
@Scar208 - First of all, welcome! I'm glad you're here and reaching out. I know that can be hard to do, so I think it's a big sign of strength. :)
I know it's scary to see yourself gaining that weight and feeling like you're starting all over, but what is most important - much more than size or numbers is your health. Health is what lets you move forward and be able to do the things you love, have relationships with the people you love, and learn to include yourself on that list of people you love. It's not easy to refocus there when you're feeling the need to look a certain way, but getting to that point can be so much better, and I know that you can get there.
At the moment, I feel sad, not hungry, and I have a headache (and my stomach hurts too, a bit).
Any of you all dealing with Grief and EDs?
........................... signed .... no I don't want to sign this, I'm too sad.
@moj @korsbarella @kindDay4067 @kristenHR @anomalia
@cyanPlatypus6370
I wish i could do something for you, remember that im here by your side! 
I am feeling scared today, and also proud of myself. I binged last night, and I am feeling so proud of myself for the way I handled it. I didn't shame myself. I accepted that it was happening, and I was mindful about it, and I let it happen, and I engaged in it, and when it was done, I made sure it was really done, and then it was over. And it was over for the whole night, and this morning I am starting anew.
@singercrystalspirit - That is amazing!!! I'm really proud of you and impressed by the way you handled it - that's an incredibly healthy perspective and way to respond - to accept it and forgive yourself and move forward to focus on healthy behaviors in the future, since that is the only area you can influence. And most importantly, I'm thrilled to hear you say you're proud of it, too!
I'm really really nervous about meeting a new potential therapist Friday. I feel like I should reschedule and b maybe lose a few pounds. ....part of me screams that's crazy. I'm thinking of every reason not to go. I keep thinking maybe I'm not ready..maybe I'm not thinking enough. I'm 5lbs away from my thinnest...but it's never enough. I feel like throwing up. Part of me wants health...and a large part just wants my comfort...my eating issues.
@Redheadbaker7206 - What you said about it never being enough is exactly right - no matter how much the eating disorder tries to lie to you and tell you that if you were just a few pounds lighter, then it would be okay or then you would be ready to see the therapist, it's all lies. The time is now. You have an appointment with someone who just might be able to help make this a little easier and help you recover to a point where you can get freedom from this and reclaim your happiness. And that's worth taking.
I eat like a fucking snorlax.
@GipsyS - To be fair, I've always thought Snorlax was pretty darn cute. :)
But jokes aside, I know it's incredibly frustrating when you feel out of control on your eating, but I believe in you and I believe that recovery is possible.