Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
Today, I realized (or maybe realized again) ...
Eating food and enjoying food are two very different things.
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(I don't want to tag anyone, but I will tag @kindDay4067, who's the only one I can think of right now 
. So thanks for reading, TwinK.)
Also @anomalia, @Laura
@cyanPlatypus6370 - <3
Not an easy thing to realize, but hopefully one that can help to know and to start to find ways to make those two things a little more in common.
*hugs*
@cyanPlatypus6370
Ohhh swetieee can I give you a hug? I just hope you are feeling better!
@cyanPlatypus6370
Platy I read your last coment but the celphone blocked before I was able to reply! Remember that Im here with you and I prayed for you! Try not to think much about it, it will go okay. Let me know how it went swetie! You are strong!
With Love,
TwinK 
I feel defeated. Apparently the meeting was supposed to happen last Friday...not this Friday. I messed up the dates, and now I'll have to wait another month. My doctor who recommended I go, thinks I did it on purpose. But I honestly didn't. I even set up a babysitter for this Friday. I feel depressed about the situation....no one believes me. I feel like I have to keep explaining why..and how I screwed up. I feel like crying....but no tears ever come. One of my favorite listener pretty much chewed me out. I tried going to a step meeting...I had a panic attack...and I bolted. I'm such a failure.
@Redheadbaker7206 - Oh, honey, I am so sorry. That sounds incredibly frustrating to begin with, and then really upsetting to have people refuse to believe you. For what it's worth, I absolutely believe that you just made a mistake, didn't do this deliberately. And while there's not much that can be done to change the missed appointment, there's a lot you can do between now and the next appointment to begin working on recovery. What do you think is a step you can take starting today to move even just a tiny bit in that direction?
If you ever need to talk, I'm here. And I know you can do this.
@Anomalia
A step i can take... I really don't know anymore. Maybe relax a bit more...lol... maybe read. I don't know. I just feel defeated...I'm so down. I don't even feel like doing anything.. I'm not going to talk to that listener that chewed me out. I took a break from him.. I feel like I'm being attacked by everyone.
@Redheadbaker7206 - I think it makes sense to take a break from the listener (or anyone else!) who makes you feel attacked. It sounds like before anything else, the first step is feeling safe again and less anxious. So maybe taking some time today to just focus on self-care - reading, like you mentioned, or any other activities - a nice walk, listening to soothing music, doing some mindfulness - whatever helps you feel a bit more at peace.
And if you do need to talk, you're welcome to message me or any other listeners - there are definitely plenty here who would be happy to support you.
Take care, lovely - you deserve it!
@Anomalia
No, you're busy. I put an ad up for a new listener. *sighs*
@Redheadbaker7206 - I am busy, but that doesn't mean I don't have time to chat, just that I can't chat live daily. I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it, but I also won't be offended if you prefer to look for someone else / someone with more availability. I just want you to find someone who is supportive and helpful for you, regardless of who it is. :)
I messed up :( I got back to where I live, and life is a shit show. I am barely functioning and I don't have a lot of support, let alone all of this eating stuff. I was so aware of my binge in my last post, but then on Monday I binged the old way, unaware on purpose. My life is so incredibly unstable. I really want to give up. I feel like I do everything wrong, and like everything is all my fault. I don't even know whether I technically have an eating disorder or not. The therapist I've been seeing for nine months is moving out of the country. She's finding me a new one, but I don't even know. I feel so helpless and powerless over my own life and I HATE that feeling. Every time I try to take power or control, things fail, circumstances happen that knock me on my ass. I keep getting back up but why? Why? Why? What's it for? What's it worth it for? Am I even going in the right direction? I don't know if I even believe there is a right direction. I feel so lost and worthless and like a failure and so, so, so so so much shame. So much shame.
@singercrystalspirit I guess I am going to download and watch Rocky tonight. I don't know what the hell else to do. Maybe I'm not wrong to keep trying. Maybe I wasn't wrong in keeping trying to make my relationship with my ex work. Maybe the trying part isn't the wrong part. Maybe.... ?? ?? I get confused. I watch my mom keep trying, over and over and over again in a marriage of 25 years where her husband (my dad) tells her awful things about herself on a regular basis, and still she keeps getting back up and trying again. Not in a heroic way, either. In a way where she called me to complain for hours, to unload the emotional burden onto me, until I stopped her doing so by blocking her out of my life. I am so confused about whether trying is the wrong part, how to know whether you are banging your head against a wall or whether to keep trying. I kept trying with my ex and then he left me, he disappeared after almost six years. I think I am afraid to try at anything else, with that happening and looking at the example of my parents. I am really, really, really, really afraid that all I know how to do is keep trying at things that are only going to hurt me.
@singercrystalspirit - First of all, here is an enormous *HUG* for you. I'm really sorry that things are so hard, and I know it makes it even harder to have all of this confusion about what is even the right thing to do.
Trying is an interesting thing in that there are absolutely times where trying is right and absolutely times where moving on is. Things like relationships that aren't working might be worth trying for a little while, but at a certain point, if there's no happiness on the other side of trying, it's hard to keep justifying it, especially when there might be something good if you let go. Recovery is different. There is a 100% chance things do not get better if you give up on recovery. And while different people feel different ways, I think we all agree that there is a chance for something better if you can recover, and that's worth fighting for.
I'm feeling good today because I was successful at dismissing an urge to binge. I felt the anxiousness and excitement that usually happens before a binge, I recognized that this is not really me and that I have control over my voluntary actions so its impossible to binge if I dont want to. I just stared at those thoughts without feeling anything and they disappeared some minutes later. I'm so happy, I hope I can continue ignoring those thoughts.
@warmheartedCranberry455 .... Good job, Cranberry! Yes we DO have control over our thoughts. We need to seize it! Sounds like you did that here ...... = Way to go!!!
...................... :) Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370 Thank you so much Platy!
Yeah, we cant control our thoughts but we can absolutely control our movements even when we don't think so. I will keep you updated on my journey, thanks for the strength.
@warmheartedCranberry455 ... ((Platy gives Cranberry much strength!!!)) At least I hope so.
Keep fighting!!! You Can! ............ :) Platy
Hi guys I've recently began to eat less and count calories and it's basically taking over my life :/
@ImALittleLadyBug .... Hi. I'm glad you found this section of the forum, well and found 7cups in the first place! I am a member - same as you, but there are some great listeners here who know stuff and can and will help you too.
Stay here, Stay connected. Please don't try to do this alone - cuz it doesn't work very well.
ttyl, Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370 I've had listeners on here before but they weren't very helpful. I'm not really looking for someone to help me recover but for someone who knows what it's like. Basically I just want someone who can listen and understands.
@ImALittleLadyBug - Hi lovely, I definitely know how hard it can be to get support from someone who doesn't understand what you're going through! I struggled with my eating disorder for about 10 years before recovering, and for me one of the things that made the biggest difference was when I did finally have someone to talk to who actually knew what I was saying.
If you prefer to use the forums, etc., to chat with other members struggling, that's no problem. But if you do also want to try out talking to a listener again, I can tell you that I probably will understand a lot of what you're going through.
Take care!
@ImALittleLadyBug
@ImALittleLadyBug i can really relate to this. i have to be careful not to count calories because it will consume my life and i will start to beat myself up for eating.
I am okay today, I guess you can say.
@Gipsy1998 ... Hi :) What does 'Okay' mean for you?
I'm glad you posted here. Take care!!! Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370
Hi Platy. I guess okay as in I have a decent body image today, if that makes any sense. Anxious about other things unrelated. Thanks for asking.
@Gipsy1998 ... Yes, that does make sense. And I've anxiety today as well - also unrelated (or so I'd like to think). Oh, and, you're welcome :) Take care of you! ... Platy
Second time posting. I started my day wrong. With a muffin. That muffin set my entire day off. I entered the store thinking "today is the day I take back my health," and I bought and scarfed a muffin. Thought about it all day. Ate healthy the rest of the day to make up for it. vegan salad for lunch, super filling too, almost too much! got home and binged (6 cookies) on vegan cookie dough and a bowl of vegan ice cream. Wtf!
I feel uncontrollable although all I really want / think about is getting better. I can physially feel the weight in my throat, neck, hips going and my clothes are getting so tight. Almost too tight.
I feel as if I cannot break the cycle even though I know exactly how to.
@pluckyPineapple7615 - I think it's really easy to get caught in that bit of thinking that once you've slipped once in a day that the rest of the day is a waste, but it doesn't have to be true. Our bodies aren't meant to eat perfectly healthy at all times, but rather to make sure that in general we do and we don't go too far in any extreme.
Next time you feel like you've slipped in the morning, maybe trying something different would help - look at what happened, what might have triggered it, how you could do something different in the future, but then forgive yourself and move forward. You don't need to spend the rest of the day making up for one little thing, that just leads to a binge. Instead recognize that what happened is in the past and treat the rest of the day like a fresh start - not one where you need to be perfect, just one where you try to be healthy in general, but not over the top - that's a far easier way for your body to avoid binging and to keep that guilt that can trigger binges away.
I made an appt to see a new therapist for Tuesday of next week, and I'm so nervous. A large part of me craves health, but another part screams you're not ready. I want to not be so numb...yet I don't want to gain weight. So I'm very nervous. I keep replaying the scenarios in my head like a broken record... do I mention my food issues. Or just work on my emotional stuff? If i don't mention everything then I would have wasted my time and money. Because I haven't eaten really anything in a week ..give or take, and I'm at my lowest weight...I wonder if she'll try to put me in a program. I'm so nervous... my stomach hurts just thinking about it. Maybe I won't need to even bring it up... I'm so scattered..and scared.
@Redheadbaker7206 .... Dear Red, I'm proud of you for setting up this appt for Tues. When I think of you, I will send good wishes for less anxiety and getting to the appt well. As far as bringing up food issues or focusing on emotional issues, or both, do your best not to stress about it. You can let the therapist lead and just answer her/his questions if that would be easier. Or of course, if when you get to that day and the appt, you feel like telling your new therapist about (insert whatever issue here) - please do tell! It's scary, I know. Really scary. But you can do it, I know!
Platy is proud of you, dear! Keep going! <3 Platy
I feel so fat right now. I don't want to eat anything at all today. But knowing me I'll fail.
Right now the hunger in my stomach feels good. It gives me power.
I'm determined to get skinny.
@decisiveVase00 thats exactly how i feel
@Laura like purging even tho im under my max calorie limit! i just feel like a fat cow......
and then i walk into work and they are screaming at me for leaving 2 go eat, wen actually, my parents dropped me off early just so i could eat! so i wasnt even supposed 2 b there and they yell at me for leaving!
@alexaners7734 - I'm sorry that people weren't listening and were yelling at you for things outside of your control. That must have felt really frustrating and like there's just no way to win. But I think it's great that you did leave to get that food since your body needs that nourishment, and those people clearly didn't know what was actually going on.
@Anomalia i no they no i have ed, but i guess they just dont understand how it is 2 live w\ it..... :'(
@alexaners7734 - I think you're right. People who haven't been there struggle to understand the realities of fighting an eating disorder and often times hurt more than they help as a result. Stay strong and keep fighting. You can do this with or without their support!