Getting away from a narcissistic mother
Hi y'all :) I'm a 23yo female. I live with my mom only, I have two siblings but they're both abroad, having families of their own already. I was the youngest one of the family, and an unwanted child. I strongly believe I'm depressed and have some form of adhd or autism, but I've never really checked because my family doesn't believe in mental health. My relationship with my mom is very strained, hanging by a thread to be honest. We don't seem to socialize well ever since I was 14 and it only got worse since then. Currently she's saying no to me going to university, so I'm trying to get a job and save up to move out of here. Anyone else going through something similar?
@BlossomFlowerr
What you're going through, unfortunately, happens all too often in families. Parents can be critical and very difficult. They don't want to accept our independence, especially if we live together. Not everything happens the way we'd like. But you're not 14 anymore; you have the right to your own opinion, actions, and vision of life. You're doing the right thing by saving money. You may be there now, but don't let that get to you. It's her vision, not yours. You can get through this, and you're not alone. Hang in there!
Thank you, that means a lot ❤
@BlossomFlowerr
perhaps if you look at it another way ...
you are only child there and perhaps she is scared if you go to uni or take a job you will leave her too... some parents try to hold on too hard and drive kids away. working with her and talking about everything is better then to assume what they are thinking or feeling. My mom wanted to insert herself in my life and give too many suggestions and advice ..... i pulled away only later when she passed did i see she just wanted to be included and needed.
She's difficult to talk to. I don't even try that anymore to be honest. I just can't wait to get out of here.
That’s nice, but it sounds dysfunctional and perhaps the parent should go to therapy instead of putting it on their child. The parent in this case needs to grow up.
Yeah.. It's a lost cause. She doesn't believe in depression or therapy or just.. Mental health at all.
@BlossomFlowerr Hi, I'm so glad you found this place to share. Family relationships, especially with parents, can be so hard sometimes! It seems a great idea to look for a job and start building your financial independence. It can help boost your confidence and might bring a new perspective. Also, as someone who is working full-time while also being in school, I can attest that there are so many programs out there right now that offer online programs and part-time studies. That way, once you find a job you can also work towards your higher education. Some of the schools offer asynchronous classwork, which you can do at any time of the day as long as you submit tasks on time. What would you like to study?
I would like to study criminology, but that's not available where I'm living so I'd have to switch countries as well.
I have a narcissistic father that I wish I got away from sooner. He seemed to enjoy taking his anger out on us. He is emotionally immature, overly critical, and made efforts to disuade us from making friends. He would humiliate us in front of other people to control us. He was terrible to his own family but usually nice to outside people or people he wanted things from. If it feels like you are in a cult, then leaving as soon as you can is best. It’s been about 10 years since I moved out and I’m still trying to get over my social anxiety and resentment from it all.
I'm glad you got away 𫶠My mom got.. Suddenly religious as of late, and she's trying to enforce it on me. Which I'm not interested in. I'm not a religious person, haven't really been, don't know if that will change. Other than that, she just loves bringing me down by saying "you can't do anything, you're incapable". And she's very confusing too. While she doesn't let me attend university, whenever she sees successful people on tv she goes " see, how could that kid be so smart and you can't?" Like bro? You're the one not letting me show how smart I am.
Quite frankly it's pissing me off and it's making me emotionally and mentally tired.
I'm just gonna be honest, you probably have it too. That's why you fight so much. Look into it and educate yourself and her about it
So sorry you have to go through that
