I'm sick of being the strong one

@debanie

It's like you were reading my mind.

I know exactly how you feel and I want you to know, I hear you, I see you and you are appreciated.

It's so difficult navigating this.

We naturally love and want to protect our families but sometimes we want it to be reciprocated and not taken for granted or our only role or personality.

When I'm at home, if I'm sick, I have to get on with it.

No staying in bed.

No leaving chores undone.

It gets isolating, when you see other people in your family getting all their needs cared for , yet you care for you alone.

Trust me, I get you.

And I hope you find some time to prioritize you.

I know you'll get through it, because that is what we do.

But you are every bit as important and don't forget that 💙 

@debanie

When we act the part .. when we keep our needs to ourselves it not only makes us tired sooner or later it can make us bitter.  Being the strong one wears us down.  The true strong thing to do is be honest and tell your partner you do need time when you take a break from being the strong one...

I found in my world it helps both partners grow the person who needs a break gets one. For the other one they learn to become stronger. Both will appreciate the trust built. 

@debanie

You're not alone here. Take solace in the fact that your wife recognizes it and takes the time to acknowledge it to you directly even though it doesn't do much to alleviate the exhaustion.

It's hardest when your soul is tired like this. I'm currently sitting up with a 22-month old for the fourth night in a row and if I had any hair left I'd be tearing it out.

I'm with you, buddy. Stay strong.

@debanie wow, yep just like other people said, this is exactly my experience. it's so draining and can feel thankless even when you are literally being thanked. being appreciated makes it better, but it's still an awful position to be in.

in sympathy with you

@debanie

In your mind, do you feel there's room for mutual improvements in this aspect of your life? How far away does that feel?

As others have said, have you vocalised how you are feeling? Because maybe no-one realised how draineed you are.

Just be candid and say something like Thank you for appreciating me and I do it out of love but at present I feel burned out.

Could you focus on me and my needs for a bit so that I can say and feel how I need too because that would help me a lot.

And then find small things to break up your day with. You don't have to be all things, to all people, you get to take care of yourself and have others show you kindness too.

My husband said I was his mountain. But I just want to be a flower.

I totally get what you want to tell here.

Marriage is a system that absorbs us, like any other systems. I recently came to that thought.

I used to be a bit selfish, but being with my husband, with his anxiety and depression and mood swing...I seemed to have no other option.

I wake up everyday looking at his face to decide how to organize my day.

And then the structure growing that way. I get use to the role, he gets use to the role.

Now...it can't be changed without damage someone's feeling.