remembering childhood trauma in your adult life
iv'e never posted my own thread before Iv'e only participated, I'm around my late twenties and memories from my childhood are resurfacing through dreams too. I hadn't told my partner yet although I think she knows since I talk in my sleep, I think subconsciously I remember all the abuse but my brain blocks it out. Now that i'm getting older more memories are coming, and I'm this ball of heavy emotions to wort through and I think i'm crazy and out of my mind, I know now i'm rambling because of my nerves and the fact that I don't really know what i'm doing, could I be going crazy?
@crimsonRaspberries1486
I appreciate that it's easier to participate in the forums than to write your own. I admire you showing your vulnerabilities. Thanks for sharing. I assure you that you are not going crazy, unprocessed trauma presents itself in different ways. It might help to open up to your partner if you feel comfortable or a professional. Talking really takes the power out of the feelings. I genuinely wish you all the best. You deserve to be happy, to be healed and to sleep better 💜💕
@Amanda84
you are making very valid points, the reason why I try not to share too much is because, part of my childhood trauma revolves around a cult, and she went through similar ptsds so its very difficult. I do my best though and she knows it, she is very patient with me, thank you so much, really.
This sounds really disorienting and intense, sorry you are going through something so difficult. But it's not crazy at all, it seems like your mind thinks you may be ready to heal or maybe an event has triggered these memories to finally be released... I'm sending you supportive vibes, I know it can feel scary and overwhelming.
The way I understand it is your body isn't haunting you or punishing you, it's offering these memories up and asking you if you are ready to heal more fully.
@TaoistDragon88
I love the way you describe it my God, I couldn't agree more its just such a scary transition to go through. I have spent my whole life just remembering fragments and getting used to that, and boom. Theses memories are just popping up through my dreams and its got me thinking, mate cool down you've lost your marbles!
@crimsonRaspberries1486 not at all my friend! I'm battling similar issues from my childhood right now also and I'm 46. It's not easy at any age and sadly can pop up anytime from just about anything. I'm learning talking helps which I see your doing. I'm sorry I don't have much advice I really just wanted to pop in and say your not alone! Maybe we can chat and help each other figure out some things by opening up and sharing with each other? Either way I feel you on the rambling on part my anxiety does the same to me. 😂 Gotta laugh it off and keep talking my friend. God bless and keep fighting the good fight. I'm here if you wanna talk
@TheRegionFisherman
thank you for your sweet message I'd love to talk to you and possibly bond over our miserable childhoods haha, that sounds like a blast, sending hugs and prayers your way. Definitely feel free to reach out please.
@crimsonRaspberries1486 hi, don't worry. You are not crazy. What you are experiencing is actually a very normal thing, happened to me too! Have you possibly started to deal with your unresolved things lately or are in a safe environment? If yes, that explains it. It's basically your brain going "Now that I have your attention" and rolling out the SpongeBob meme list (thisone)
Of things it didn't get an opportunity to deal with before. There is no need to panic at all. It can be a sign of you actually healing, just don't let it frighten you. I highly recommend journaling a little about it and seeing a therapist if you can to help sort through this with a professionals guidance 😊
@sadcat13
well I don't journal but I vent to my listener about it and she knows exactly what to say, i'm seeing in the comments that this is very normal, I just didn't ever think I'd take steps towards healing from all the bs I've had to go through, i'm in a way laughing out of fear but I'm at the same times honored thank you for the insight my friend.
@crimsonRaspberries1486 you are doing great, just don't panic ☺️ take it as your brain finally feeling safe enough to address things, you got this 😊
@sadcat13
if I could hug you, I would give you a big hug, thank you for the reassurance 😊
You are NOT crazy. Our childhood trauma and abuse is not our fault, it is not you who is crazy. I think being so close to someone and hearing about their life growing up tends to bring up things we thought were normal and weren't as well as things we have spent a lifetime repressing. It is really hard, but you seeking some help and it is a really amazing step to take. Stay communicative with your partner, good and bad. Keep pushing through and get it out of your head with someone. 🫂
@TryingandFailingMama
Thank you so much it's ironically nice to know that there is a whole community that can relate to me it helps me in a way feel grounded if that makes sense.
It makes perfect sense. I see you said your partner had a similar past, do you both share together? My partner and I had a lot of similarities in our childhood and adulthood that has left lasting PTSD. We talk a lot about our pasts. Helps us understand one another. Listening really helps us both say "Hey, this part that your struggling with seems like it stems from this point way back. What do you think? Would you like to explore it more or wait until you feel more ready. We've both learned to see when a bad mental day is happening and can say "I'm here whether you'd like to talk about whatever is going on in your mind, or not. I'll sit with you in silence if it's needed"
@TryingandFailingMama
it's really funny that you say that, because we have similar conversations but we had it really bad with every kind of abuse in the book, we are on separate healing paths, but we still talk about it when we can. we both have dealt with cults I won't specify here because it's entirely inappropriate. I am just beginning to heal and she has been at that point for a little while. however I'm in no rush with my healing journey there are many cuts and bandages on my soul and heart, soon maybe I can learn to forgive.
I'm glad you aren't rushing your journey. That's important. I wish you and your partner so much love, support and future happiness in your journeys.
@TryingandFailingMama
thank you so much dear, almost four years engaged, we sure have our own battles and ptsds but we always hash it out in the end, I wish you lots of healing and a big hug. Thank you for your support.
I commend you on making your first post 🙌 great job towards growth. Not easy but, you did it!!! That shows strength and love for yourself!!!
So, yes. Very normal. In fact, I literally just had a session “remember as you work on new memories, your anxiety/mood can shift”
Certain things can trigger it. I’ve been told that as you grow, your mind is like “ok we are tough, we can deal with this one now”
Keep sorting through them. Little by little. I’ve always been told not to push it as in don’t force yourself to try and remember things.
Idk if you remember your dreams at all-someone I do, sometimes I don’t- but, hypothetically if I had a dream I was idk being chased. I started a dream journal where I would put positive things-where would I run to, what good things would be there and how would I feel. Hope that makes sense.
Keep going on your healing journey. You got this. Proud of you!!!!
@peachThinker662
you have warmed my heart, I was so scared and anxious to make this post, but I needed to know that I was actually making sense. I honestly think that my brain is telling me yes its time to take a very big step, but I also have a ungodly amount of PTSD and too many triggers, either way I cant complain with all this love and support i'm getting i'm feeling heard in a whole new different way. I'm not sure if i'm rambling or not i'm just so overwhelmed by all this warm welcomed support🥹
I understand, I can relate.
An abundance of people supporting, caring and understanding can be overwhelming. Take it all in, you’re deserving. :)
One day at a time, one step at time
And You’re not rambling
@peachThinker662
thank you for your sweet messages they mean a lot. (;
@crimsonRaspberries1486
I do know about them babe, but all I can do is be there for you. You aren't crazy. You went through so much in your early years that it would make even the biggest horror movie fan cry out and shiver. I am so sorry you went through everything you had. The RICO charges on the organization isn't enough justice for what you went through baby, but we must remember God is watching them and knows what they did to not only you, but all the others. Every day as a survivor you get braver and stronger. 💜
@StrawberryMoon07
You know me so well Hun, I just know you went to h*ll and back to make the progress that you have been making I feel like my story is nothing to compare to yours dear. You have made the best life out of so much integrity, grit, and so much more. We will get through this I know you have my back even when I can't say anything all day because i'm going through my "manic" episodes because of what I had to go through. I will always be there for you like you are for me my dearest.
@crimsonRaspberries1486
I hear you. And I want to say this clearly: What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve the pain you went through, not then, and not now. Childhood trauma has a way of sinking into your bones. It shapes how we see the world, how we trust others, and how we treat ourselves. I know what it feels like to carry that weight into adulthood to try and function while still feeling the echoes of what happened years ago. It’s exhausting. It’s lonely. And sometimes, it feels like no one could understand the kind of hurt you’ve buried just to survive. I’ve walked through my own trauma, and I want you to know healing is possible, even when it feels slow or messy. You don’t have to rush it or do it perfectly. You’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to feel angry. You’re allowed to not be okay. But you are not broken. You are not beyond healing. You are not alone. Every time you speak about it, even in a small way, you are reclaiming your voice. Every time you choose to treat yourself with a little more kindness, you are breaking the cycle. The path forward is real, and you’re already on it. I’m really proud of you for being here and talking about it. That takes so much strength.
@Kharolful
Thank for your heartfelt message it’s moved me to tears. I never would imagine other peoples going through what I have and the pain that haunts you. I’m so sorry that you have your own skeletons and demons too, we should have never been hurt. It’s bad when I don’t want to sleep because of all the nightmares and then scared to wake up! 😞