Beginning to heal

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@easyScarf7950

hii!! it is so awesome that you’re posting here. honestly, one of the best parts of being in a community like this is realizing that even supporters need support, and they absolutely deserve it. this post is incredibly brave of you, and I’m really glad you shared.

childhood plays such a huge role in our mental health, and it makes total sense that certain experiences or moments might still stick with you. I’m so sorry you were punished as a child. I can’t begin to imagine what kind of impact that’s had on you, or how much pressure you’ve put on yourself to constantly go above and beyond. when mental illness goes undiagnosed, especially early on, it just adds another layer of pain, because instead of understanding, you’re met with criticism or harshness. it’s just not fair. I’m really glad to hear that you were able to get a diagnosis now, and hopefully some treatment or accommodations too. ADHD can be such a rollercoaster. <3

letting go of blame is honestly one of the most powerful things a person can do, it’s a huge sign of growth and healing. two massive thumbs up to you for that🤗. it's tough to realize that it is really everyones first time living too, even parents (which isn’t an excuse for harm, ever, but it can help us make peace with what happened). 

I totally get that feeling of “why am I still stuck on something that happened so long ago?” when we’re kids, we just don’t have the tools or context to understand the world. and sometimes, even as adults, we don’t fully move on until we’ve sat with it long enough, or finally have the capacity to face it. ideally we live in the present and think forward most of the time, sure, but sometimes we really need that space for processing. and from what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re making all the right moves, honestly, I’d 100% recommend the same path to someone else in your shoes. 🥹💕

we learn to expect patterns, even painful ones, and sometimes our harshest critic is ourselves. but if you’re not even on your own side, how are you supposed to feel safe or happy? you’re right, it’s time to accept yourself. instead of focusing on what you could’ve done, look at what you are doing!!  it’s about how you walk through the storm, and i personally think you are doing amazing.

I love that you have positive sayings on your phone! I’m totally a quotes/sayings person too, haha. as for a tip i just thought of to move to move forward reparent yourself (weird word, i know) by giving yourself what you think younger you might have needed, and didn't recieve.  also, celebrate the small wins, because they really matter <3 and above all, support groups and therapy sessions!! therapy really helps reframe thoughts and notice patterns, and learn new coping mechanisms to hard situations.

i just want to say I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, and i am sending you love, and hoping for better days ahead for you. you are already on such a good path.💌

@easyScarf7950 first of all, it is admirable that you are working so hard on yourself and are aware of the things that are happening in your emotional life. You are doing a good job, and I'm proud of you 😊

It's really brave that you shared this. It's good that you have positive statements on screen it will help you a little, try to look into your happy moments while you're down, looking that will make you feel how happy those days were it can bring out a little smile on you. You will be in a good mood, feels so free, and relaxed. Go sunshine good days are ahead on your way.

I feel like you're very much on the right track. You're telling your story here, and if youve been able to move on and release blame, that's huge.

As for ideas? The first thing that comes to my mind is the finch app. It's cute and positive. It may or may not be what you need

@easyScarf7950 I do really like that you're self-aware of these things! I could possibly suggest you to find different outlets to express your emotions or how you feel, like... listening to/making music, creating art, or anything utilizing your creativity. It can actually be pretty healing. 😄

Dear Easyzcarf,

it is difficult to to undo mental thought and behavior patterns that have since you were a child and you deserve credit for wanting to rewrite your scripts. You learned as a child to protect yourself from others anger by taking the blame for it. You now understand that it was a habit pattern that you adopted to feel safe in a threatening environment that you had no control over.

Now you can let go of those protective behaviors by realizing that you are not to blame for other people’s anger and say to yourself that tv he person who yells at me or around me has their emotional behavior patterns that they learned to deal with upsetting things they couldn’t control so you can depersonalize their anger and not feel threatened by it. You might visualize their words as words floating up and off your computer screen.

you might also pretend ghat you at a movie and the angry person is a character in the movie and you are sitting in the audience observing

I hope those ideas help.

@easyScarf7950 I'm sorry sweetie 🙁 life is never easy and to forgive and move on is extremely hard😥 I don't really have any suggestions to help you with that, sorry. But you have a family of your own now, and your an ammmmazzzing mum, little L is very lucky to have you💖 so give him everything you needed as a child, be the parent you wish you had💖 I hope you get to heal from your past💖 hugs you tightly 💖 I love you 💗

@easyScarf7950 

thank you for sharing this, it’s really powerful how much insight and self-work you’ve already done

what stood out to me most is your shift in perspective: recognizing the past, without staying stuck in it

for momentum, maybe also try keeping a short list of your own wins, not just affirmations, but moments where you handled something differently, no matter how small

and when those old patterns show up, you can say, “this is a learned response,  not a reflection of who I am now”

you’re already doing the hard work, and that deserves way more credit than your inner critic allows for. you’re not alone in this, rooting for you 💛

Update: I am reading 2 positive parenting books and I am applying what I am learning! I'm practicing giving my nearly 2 year-old son choices so I'm not dictating everything about his life, and I am allowing him to solve simple problems with minimal assistance. Today I let him struggle with putting flash cards in a box, until I positioned the box and made it easier for him. He struggled some more and then figured it out! I'm very happy that I get to invest in his self-concept! He gets to learn early on that he can do challenging things!