🌸 How Are You Truly? 🌸

Less than ideal. I mean, I'm still here, so that counts as something but even then I still don't feel too good. Almost uncomfortable in my own skin. I want people to listen to me, see me beyond my interests and my mistakes, to treat me like I am someone.

I just want to exist without people going huffy about it.

Normally when you don't feel well it better to talk to someone I mean to let your emotion out but sometimes it become difficult to admit or to let someone know about your feeling due to many factors like culture you grown in that does let people express freely their emotion

For example in my country men are not arrowes to cry even if they are facing problems if he cries it sign of weakness.

It's just that I'm surviving this life. Nothing has been going right for quite a few month. I'm not fine rn. I'm just hoping that this time passes quickly as possible.

@Bubbles2025

I've also been a listener for a few years, but took a break because of my health. But I'm back and I'm far from ok. I'm the executor of my aunt's estate which I do not ever recommend agreeing to do, it's been literal ***. It's been almost 2 years since I started executing her will with the help of the lawyer she chose, he's an old family friend whom I've known my whole life, and until this past Friday, it was just normal ***, but it got soo much worse. The case is being probated in Maryland, add has been since it began, but she technically lived in Pennsylvania. I have to sell the house because, I can't boil water but apparently I can sell a house. Because I the house is in Pennsylvania, the lawyer for the estate reached out to the lawyer in Pennsylvania who did her will hoping he'd be willing to represent the Pennsylvania part, my lawyer is only licensed in Maryland and New Jersey, unfortunately, so we need a lawyer who's licensed in Pennsylvania to help with that part. Well apparently we were wrong about everything from the beginning. Pennsylvania is demanding the case be transferred to them from Maryland, I feel like Maryland would've known if probating it here was legal or not, but commonwealth states are kind of weird sometimes with their laws. Basically our attempt to find a lawyer to help turned into him tattaling and now the last almost 2 years of *** have been for literally nothing, it has to start over completely in Pennsylvania once I find a lawyer I'm willing to hire. I hated the one I spoke to on Friday and a 1 hour phone consult cost $3600, thank God the estate paid for it. He was sexist and I hated him. I don't want to do this all over again, I don't know if I can mentally handle it, but I can't step down as executor so I'm screwed and stuck. I told the lawyer that has been representing me and the estate yesterday that I refused to hire guy from Friday which he was expecting, and told me he'd try to find me 3 options, I told him I won't like them, I trust him because I know he cares, he's known me my whole life and I know he misses my aunt, he tells me stories sometimes, it's clear that he isn't doing it for money or whatever, it's because it's personal and matters to him, which is why I don't want another lawyer. I reminded him that technically if he's only planning on trying 1 case, he doesn't need to be licensed in Pennsylvania necessarily, he just needs a lawyer who is to basically vouch for him (I learned something helpful during my 1 semester as prelaw lol). He has a friend who practices criminal law in Pennsylvania that he's going to talk to over the weekend about vouching for him because I didn't react well at all to finding out everything needed to be redone in Pennsylvania when we were almost finished in Maryland, the house is the last issue. I'm disabled and can't drive, so I have no idea how I'm expected to just randomly be in Pennsylvania. I suppose I can get a ride with him, but it might not be possible every time. My mother-in-law can only take me on the weekends when she's off, but court is closed, so I don't know how this is supposed to work. I'm soo *** off and I feel like I'm grieving her all over again, I wanted to finish the estate and finally process how profound of a loss it was, she was my last living relative, but also more of a mom to me than my own. Next to my husband, she was the most important person in the world to me and with having to start over, I can't stop feeling like I just buried her again because I did that right before starting to work on her estate, I feel like I lost her all over again and I have to put off properly grieving because I have to pretend to be a responsible, functioning adult, and I'm not a very good adult and I don't want to to see what Pennsylvania's courtrooms are like, I can die happily without ever finding out, but I have no choice and it's not fair that I can't decide it's too much and step down as executor, I did it correctly for 2 years, I had no idea it was in the wrong state. The burden on my physical health and disabilities is a lot more than any reasonable person would expect, and mentally, I'm a mess. I'm sooo angry and sad, but also irritated and infuriated. Pennsylvania could have allowed Maryland to continue with the majority of the estate and just dealt with the property in Pennsylvania, but refused to consider it. I'm sorry for being soo whiny and grr, I just felt immediate devastation, the same way I felt when she died when I was told it had to be transferred, I also feel like I wasted almost 2 years of my life dealing with what I'm convinced is worse than actual *** because of estranged, not family in my opinion, cousins who are greedy and only received anything because she left our uncle money, but he died and his neices and nephews were his next of kin. She hated my cousins. I just don't know how I'm supposed to go through this again, mentally. The last 2 years both my therapist and psychiatrist have been really concerned about me having a breakdown, but in patient wasn't an option because I had to deal with the estate....I hope it can successfully continue to not have a nervous breakdown, fingers crossed 

I would say I am 95% doing really great! I have done a lot of self-work over the past 7 months or so and it paid off so much. I feel better and more confident than I have in as long as I can remember. I am still growing, hence the 5%. There are still some things I want to figure out about myself before I can finally say that I understand myself completely, but I am slowly getting there. Sometimes the 5% gets to me, but that is becoming more rare. So, long story short, I would say I am doing quite well :)

I feel... very overwhwlmed and anxious... Life just feels too much sometimes even tho it ovjectively isnt... But im just so... hypersensitive ***...

Id really like to feel less overwhelmed and scared rn...

I wouldnt tell my friends that bc it makes me feel like im a burden... :l

Although i really am ready to listen to them sharing their problems, and they are always ready ti listen to me, but i just cant open up...

Eh, thats it, thats how i feel! Feels good to say the truth :)

I wish everyone a great day/night!! :*

I feel terrible and hate myself, and my actions, my thoughts, my brain is just messed up at this point I feel 😥 but I don't want to give up