I intend to leave 7Cups
Trigger Warning: Depression, loneliness, anxiety, self-worth issues, emotional distress.
I feel like I'm disappearing. I no longer know who I am. I've been thinking about this for the past two months, so it isn't just a random thought.
I am lonely. I feel guilty about the things I've done, and I carry a lot of regret. But I keep everything hidden. No one truly knows me, to put in the right way " i never let anyone know me" what I need, what I want, or the reasons behind my actions. People simply come to their own conclusions and judge me and i donr care about it though. I hate explaining or express my everyday pain. i don't know why but it hurts me so badly now.
I can't spend a single moment alone, every minute I am sitting alone getting heavy. i can't prevent myself from crying. i tried hard, but i couldn't resist. No one knows I am moaning here all day, no one knows i didn't have food since yesterday.
I know I'm making mistakes. I know I'm not doing well. I know I haven't met anyone's expectations or made them proud the way my sibling have. I just need a little kindness, a few kind words, and a gentle push forward. Instead, all I seem to receive is criticism, disappointment, harsh words, and judgmental looks. I can't take it anymore. i really can't. my chest hurts so much
I acknowledge that I've failed in a lot of ways, but at least let me go now. Permit me to lead my own life. I detest the way my family perceives me. I'm taking medicine for my health problems, and I'm exhausted. The medication has adverse effects. It's too much for me. I have to take care of my household chores while feeling weak, dizzy, and sleepy all day. If I'm having trouble, nobody seems to care. However, they said, "You are a woman, you got to face the pain and never say or let your facial expressions out and endure it." Whoa! I was taken to heaven by those lovely words.
Everything feels so heavy. I cry every single day, yet I smile at everyone and tell them I'm fine. I'm tired of doing that. I'm not okay. Not at all.
I don't know what to do anymore or where to go. I feel completely lost. But why? Even now, a part of me still believes that everything will somehow be alright, even though nothing feels normal anymore. Why do I keep acting like I'm the happiest person in the world? Why do I keep smiling?
Sometimes I feel disgusted with myself.
I feel worthless. The people who genuinely care about me seem to exist only behind a screen, while in my real life I'm constantly struggling with anxiety, harsh words, being taken for granted, and feeling unwanted.
I don't even feel like 7 Cups is helping me anymore. I feel like I'm losing myself in a world that doesn't feel real.
I'm exhausted.
Maybe I'll feel differently later. Maybe I'll change my mind. I don't know.
But this is how I feel right now.
I've definitely been there and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders so I hear you and respect what you have to say :)
Sometimes it feels like because you're a woman, you're not allowed to be raw and vulnerable, or if you have a true moment, oh then it's time to quickly smile and pretend everything is fine again.
The only way I coped was releasing those feelings, for me publically, anonymously, writing got easier to say the things I needed too.
The things I never told anyone and even when the words didn't come, I created fiction, a world where I could explain it.
Find something that is yours to hold onto. That was the only thing that made sense and gave me a purpose.
It slowly built my confidence up, but it took a long time to be ok with myself.
Take care of yourself and your needs, where possible.
@AiluraTheCat
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and it’s leading you to leave 7 Cups. If you do end up actually leaving I hope you come back sometime even if you can’t see that happening at this time :)
@AiluraTheCat I hear you, and I'm here for you 💜 do what feels best for you right now. You're loved by my side no matter what 💝 You're not alone in this ❤️ Sending you all my love ❤️❤️❤️
@AiluraTheCat 
Sorry for everything … , I’m here for you and you know that I really care about you , and whatever happens to you it hurts me too , you are not alone my lovely sister wish everything will be okay
@AiluraTheCat we'll miss you 💙 please don't give up, you're worth more than you know
Goodbye and good luck o7 (that's a salute btw) 💙
@AiluraTheCat
We definitely don't know everything about you but I know that you're an incredibly kind and compassionate person - beyond any shadow of a doubt. You've exceeded any and all of my expectations as a supportive friend despite not knowing me and being half way across the world.
I'm sorry you feel like this. While I can't get in your head or understand exactly how you feel, I hope that you can find a way to value yourself despite the turbulence of interpersonal conflict. You deserve the self compassion even if you don't feel that way right now.
Your value is incredibly high. If you are human you are not perfect, but you can't convince me that you haven't put way, WAY more into us than we have in you. You always are lifting us up.
Which is why I support your decision regardless. You have earned the choice to step away from the platform if that's what you feel is best. You've already done so much good. You owe us nothing.
You do what you think is best, and if that means taking a breather that is ok!! We are here and aren't going anywhere and will CERTAINLY not forget about you.
@ShadowFaerie @unassumingEyes @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @sadcat13 @Amanda84 @goldenduckling @mytwistedsoul @Tinywhisper11 @LovemyMoonflowers @GreenLime3141 @7Bear7 @Phoenixthepoised @Torean @GentleHealingInitiative @cyanessence @YourCaringConfidant @CaringEzra @NobleSeeker @fossilfellow @BastionKnight @trueconfidant123 @safeplace288 @lovingCat6978 @reservedOwl321 @dapperNest2125 @Creamyyy @naturesbeauty1234 @bubbleSummer9800 @warmheartedHuman836 @Mansbestfriend @Paliloveyourself @Magicpawsoffuture @SelfCareMatters @sabeyesofblue3535 @AiluraTheCat @charmingApple8098 @luvArisu @BlueDarkAurora @curiousbookishness @sympatheticPlace3743 @musawva @KindleMissie @WellsFiction @Angelanj @SlappyMcGee @SunshineJazz @LexListens2025 @Heather225 @agreeableSkies9889 @HopeAura @rainbowBridge46 @sereneMango2512
Don’t leave us :’(
@AiluraTheCat
Hi, I'm sorry your family has been so dismissive of your feelings and all of the physical side-effects you're experiencing with the medication.
The smiling and crying both make sense. You're crying because of how much you're struggling, and that's the heavy truth you're constantly carrying. And then you're smiling because other people around you are cold/uncaring/disappointed when you're vulnerable and masking feels like the only way to stay safe and continue to have value/worth in the eyes of other people.
Both parts of you are beautiful and doing their best to support you. It sounds like right now the crying part is shouting for help and needs more love.
If your presence on 7 Cups feels like it requires existing in the smiling/cheerful side most of the time, I'd completely understand why you feel like you need to step away. I wonder if dropping leadership roles and using your member account in more of a pure 'member' way feels like an option?
We haven't interacted much, but I lurk a lot in the Religion & Spirituality forum and I've appreciated the work I've seen you do there. But I know offering support often involves projecting a certain kind of presence/energy/self and bracketing off things that might feel like they aren't what other people want.
I hope you have a space somewhere where you're able to be yourself as you are, with all of your feelings, whether that's on 7 Cups or in real life. And I hope that at some point you have the freedom to do and be what you need.
Hey... don't expect anything from anyone... Be your own savior... U hv to show yourself some grace and self respect....and believe that the universe which has made you...loves and respects you....hold onto this thought....you will be fine my dear....
