I'm not okay.
I hope it's okay to post this.
I'm not okay and I haven't been okay for a while.
I'm so tired inside, but my mind won't let me rest. I lost a friendship a couple months ago and it shattered me. I've done a lot of reflecting on the friendship and have realized that it was never about connection, it was about control. My ex-friend just wanted to fix me, manage me, mold me to fit her expectations. But knowing this doesn't make her judgmental words go away; they echo often. I even can figure possible explanations as to why she said what she said to me when I was vulnerable with her. Still, her words feel etched in my head and heart. I've just been left feeling like I'm a burden and a bother and that I don't deserve support or friends because I'm not fixed. I feel like I need to protect others from me because of my mental health struggles, because I'm too much. I've even been putting off posting this because I've been struggling to see the point in doing so and I'm afraid of being a burden and bothering everyone. I just feel like I need to fix myself by myself and never ask for help because I feel like I'm undeserving of help and support.
I just could use a little light because it's dark inside.
Im with you dear 💓 I can also remember a friend doing the same thing with me i started writing about it🤗☺️😌
@lightBirch2565
I'm sorry you went through similar. 🫂 I hope things are lighter now. Has writing about it helped?
@Felingina you are not alone, and you certainly don't have to do this by yourself!
@JPlikesTea123
Thank you for saying that. 😊
@Felingina things will get better twin keep thugging it out
@Jumpscarepro16
Thank you. I will try to. 💖
@Felingina
Know that you are not alone. I am feeling very similar to this, only it is with my ex-girlfriend. I’ve been lied to and manipulated and used. I’ve changed for the better to be with this person and it still wasn’t enough. I’m struggling with it very much. It really stinks to love someone dearly, knowing the true concept of love, and have it not mean anything to the other person. I do believe, however, that everything happens for a reason. This “friend” of yours probably did not have your best interests at heart and that is a truly hurtful feeling. I understand your pain completely and feel very alone and in the dark too. For the both of us, I believe time is the only thing that will eventually help us heal, but we must stay positive and vigilant in our own healing process. I love you.
@Bluchuck007
I'm so sorry you went through that. 🫂 You didn't deserve to be treated that way. It definitely hits hard when a relationship means more to you than it does to the other person. I hope you find someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them. But for now, try to be gentle with yourself and take it one step at a time, friend. ❤️
@Felingina
Thank you. I’ve been trying but nothing is really working. I’m in a bad loop right now of still really, truly caring for her and her happiness even though I know she probably doesn’t care one bit about me at all. Feeling pretty small.
@Bluchuck007
I know how you feel, so you're not alone. 🫂 What you're feeling is normal and valid. I imagine it probably feels like a dark void right now and that's okay. Something that's helped me some is doing something distracting like a hobby, watching TV, or just listening to music. I've also typed out my feelings in a letter I'll never send that's addressed to my ex-friend in a notes app just to get the feelings out. And making posts about it here on 7cups has helped some, too. Those are just some suggestions you could try, but totally understandable if any of them feel impossible or unhelpful to do. There are probably going to be days that are really hard and if all you do is survive another day, that is more than enough. ❤️ The main takeaway is to feel your feelings because they need to be released. So cry, scream into a pillow, cuddle up with a blanket, punch a pillow, whatever safe thing you need to do to let those feelings have the space they need and deserve. 🫶
@Felingina
Thank you very much. I have, indeed, tried everything and nothing is helping a lot. Which, I know it won’t instantly. The letters I wrote, I want to send her so badly. I want her to know that I truly love her and want her to be happy despite what it’s done to me. I’ve become a man that sees things very differently now. I do not think being in a relationship allows for either part of the couple to have single friends of the opposite gender. It’s not right to the partner. Nothing even romantic has to happen, it’s the simple fact of “I shouldn’t hang out alone with this single friend as it would be disrespectful to my partner.” If you choose to make someone the most important part of your life, should they not come first as a best friend, a confidant? Am I crazy?
@Bluchuck007
You're not crazy. I agree that your partner should be the person you go to for almost anything. I think someone should also be able to completely trust their partner and know that their partner will be faithful to them. And if they show they're untrustworthy and unfaithful, then they're not the one. It'll hurt, of course, but it's better to be with someone who is good to and for you than to be with someone who is not.
Bluechuck, you have a good head on your shoulders! Great advice you gave and l am so sorry you are in almost the same spot! Glad you are on this site with your sharp mind and encouragement! I pray you soon put this behind you fully, too! 🙋♂️
@warmheartedHuman836
Thank you so much. I really appreciate the encouragement and hope everything is great in your world!
@Felingina
Thank you for the support and advice. I feel sometimes that maybe I’m unrealistic about that kind of thing
Felingina, absolutely your female partner doesn't need a " bestie" of the opposite sex. That is an accident waiting to happen! It puts doubt in your mind! "Why is she hanging out with him?" , is something you can't help but wonder. Is it only friendship? Or is it attraction of a different kind? You are thinking logically and normally!
A real mate, someone to grow old with as a true best friend, would cut that friendship off the moment she realized it was making you uncomfortable! Why? Because she would put you first and never want to make you doubt her love! So sorry for what you are going through. You are not crazy. You are normal. She is the crazy one to be doing this to you. Don't send the letters. You can find someone who truly values you. You don't need her back. Wish her well! Tell her you pray she finds happiness and be on your way! You will heal, though it might take a while.
What you described with her is SUCH a red flag! You are thinking straight, l assure you. Hang in there, brother! You will get over this! You need someone who is respectful of your feelings! She obviously aint it! But it hurts like crazy, l know! Be strong. There are plenty of other fish in the sea who would be thrilled to love you and never make you doubt that love! Sending you a virtual "hug"! 🙋♂️
@Felingina
I feel u
@q2e4t6u8o0q2
Sending virtual hugs your way if you want them. 🫂
Ur not a burden when sharing! Im proud on you that u shared this!
I hope that telling this us made you feel at least a little bit lighter.
Yes... Friendship breakups are definitely harsh... But it will pass! I had exactly the same problem! So i fully understand you.
Im open to chat if u wish! :)
@koli
Thank you for saying that. ❤️ Sharing my feelings did help lighten the load a bit. I'd be glad to chat! 😊
So glad you're reflecting. I think it's awesome. Putting my thoughts down helps so much.
@Felingina I’m really sorry you’ve been carrying so much pain.. Sometimes the way others treat us makes us believe that we’re broken.. or need fixing.., but you’re not a problem that needs to be solved, you’re a person who deserves care, patience, n understanding. People often project their own pain or expectations onto others, n it has nothing to do with your worth. You don’t need to earn kindness by being “fixed.” You already deserve it. Be gentle with yourself, you’ve been trying so hard for so long, and that in itself shows strength..
Sending a little light your way, u deserve to feel warmth again✨🌸
MeilleureAmie, such super good advise!!! Such good insights!!! Glad people like you are on this site!!! 🙋♂️
Do you need to talk to one of us I’m available to chat