I'm not okay.
I hope it's okay to post this.
I'm not okay and I haven't been okay for a while.
I'm so tired inside, but my mind won't let me rest. I lost a friendship a couple months ago and it shattered me. I've done a lot of reflecting on the friendship and have realized that it was never about connection, it was about control. My ex-friend just wanted to fix me, manage me, mold me to fit her expectations. But knowing this doesn't make her judgmental words go away; they echo often. I even can figure possible explanations as to why she said what she said to me when I was vulnerable with her. Still, her words feel etched in my head and heart. I've just been left feeling like I'm a burden and a bother and that I don't deserve support or friends because I'm not fixed. I feel like I need to protect others from me because of my mental health struggles, because I'm too much. I've even been putting off posting this because I've been struggling to see the point in doing so and I'm afraid of being a burden and bothering everyone. I just feel like I need to fix myself by myself and never ask for help because I feel like I'm undeserving of help and support.
I just could use a little light because it's dark inside.
@Felingina Thank you for sharing that with us.
Its tough for someone to longer not be a part of your life in anyway shape or form. Sometimes when we don't get the hint, life gives us more hints as to what someone's intentions and motivations are towards us. Actions speak louder than words!
Positivity Corner is opened usually at 4pm et for fun and games and this is a very chill room xxx
@GoldenRuleJG
So true. I wish I had listened to the signs and my gut more. But I wanted to give my ex-friend the benefit of the doubt. Boy, did that bite me in the rear...
Where do I find the Positivity Corner?
So it’s one of the community rooms and if you hit the groups tab next to chat you will find it there if it’s opened:) usually it’s weekdays :)
Here is a post about the fun and games initiative in Positivity corner above ☝️
@GoldenRuleJG
Thank you for sharing this! ❤️
@Felingina
Another alternative if not ready can be to chat 1-1 with a listener online 7cups.com/BrowseListeners
You do deserve good friends and sunshine and I’m sorry you’re going through this depression sucks! You’re not a burden! Need to reach out when you feel like you do as we are here to help. The light is just ahead at the end of this dark tunnel keep moving forward and doing your best.
@MagesticButterfly2448
Thank you for your kind words. 💖
I'll try to continue reaching out. It just can be scary sometimes and I feel like some of my struggles aren't bad enough to need or deserve support or that I just need to try harder and figure things out on my own. Things can be so hard to deal with sometimes.
All of them deserve support and we all need help sometimes figuring things out especially if we’ve tried on our own and haven’t succeeded. I totally understand that 100%
@Felingina
I know what you're going through: I am going through it myself. As someone who has had to go no-contact or completely cut people out of my life far too many times in the last 5 years, I agree that it can get really dark and lonely. That judgment and criticism that your friend left in your brain is real. Those words will get quieter over time but right now I bet they're so loud!
This community has been vital in my growth process. Meditation as well. Growth, happiness, peace and love: you are worthy of all of that! I wish you well on your journey out of the darkness, and we're here if you need us 💖
@HappySpecter
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this multiple times. 🫂 It can be difficult to find people who will be true friends and stay. I've been trying to fight back against my ex-friend's criticism and her words have quieted a little, they just have a tendency to get loud on my really low days.
Thank you for your kindness. ❤️
@Felingina
Hello, I am so sorry that you are struggling. I understand that you are grieving the loss of your exfriend but if they were a true friend to you, they would not have tried to control you and say the things to you that hurt you so much. You deserve love, respect and support. Please do not be afraid to ask for help. We cannot do everything by ourselves as much as we often try. We cannot fix ourselves any more than we can fix others. We can work on ourselves if we learn how to use the right tools. I believe that reaching out for help is a sign of strength. Thank you for having the courage to share with us. We are here for you. Sending you virtual hugs.
@sabeyesofblue3535
I agree. It's been hard losing this friend, especially when I thought she would be a true friend. But at least this loss creates room for others who will be true friends.
Thank you for your response and hugs. 😊
Its sad to hear you are feeling this way. Have you been officially diagnosed with mental health problems that require medication?
@Felingina, yes I agree with everyone else who has commented-Thank you for sharing. It actually made me feel better knowing there is someone else out there with almost identical issues. I would gladly chat if you want, anytime…
@FeelinglostinAZ
I'm glad I made you feel a little better and less alone. Sometimes we just need to know that we're not alone in our feelings and that our feelings are valid. ❤️ I'd be glad to chat with you! 😊
@Felingina I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. You're not alone, and we all understand what you're going through. The most important thing is to talk about it, and a solution will обязательно come. Remember that after a dark period, a bright one will follow.
@SweetVE
Thank you for saying that. ❤️
I'm going through exactly the same thing. I don't know how to get better because I'm not well myself. All we can try is take it one day at a time and remember what we're living for, doing everything for.
@kindWatermelon5023
I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing. 🫂 It can be difficult some days. I hope I helped you feel less alone. Your experience and feelings are valid. ❤️
@Felingina enter my chat , let's talk
I'll be a friend to you , which you can express your emotions with
