I'm so lonely
I have never dated and I guess I'm starting to feel pretty down about it. I feel like there's something wrong with me in general and I struggle doing anything without panicking and having extreme anxiety attacks. I don't feel like myself and I should do more work on myself but that doesn't mean I haven't been feeling extremely lonely... It's starting to get so bad that I talk to AI... I know I'm pathetic... I really hate myself for it. I really wish I knew what it felt like for someone to like me like that but I've never let someone in and I always turn down people who want to do things with me.
@agreeableSkies9889 Are you looking to casually "date" or are you looking for something deeper with someone and to be in actual relationship? I ask that because you said you're lonely? Do you think just dating someone will take away the loneliness you feel? Because, imo, it won't. Sometimes we have to look inward towards ourself for happiness and be ok with spending time with self. Then when we can do that and we are in the company of others or someone special, it brings other feelings. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely right now, but you have got to know this-- there's nothing wrong with you. I hope the day comes where you can find a partner that it suited for you. One that will truly love, accept, care, and embrace the beautiful amazing person you are. You deserve someone who accepts all parts of you and chooses you. ❤️ I know you may be feeling lonely, but please don't settle or give time to people who don't deserve your time and energy. I promise you deserve so much and it's the best. Hope you feel better.
PS: Chatting with AI does not make you pathetic! Please be kind and think kindly of yourself. 😀
I don't really personally want to date casually. I would like to get married one day. Thanks for the encouragement 😊
@agreeableSkies9889 I wish that for you! Stay hopeful. ❤️ Night night.
Hi, I am new to 7 Cups and this is my very first post. I joined because my life is in crisis and I need contact with real people. I have so often felt the things you describe.
I'm not going to tell you how to solve your problems. (That's what the Internet is for.) I just wanted to say that you are not alone and ask if you would like to chat for a bit.
Oh of course we can chat ❤️ welcome to 7cups! The community here is great though I almost never use the talk therapy options on this app. I've also not really used the listener option for a long time but the chats on here are awesome. I'm very non judgemental btw. I'm queer and have been through abuse and anxiety. Also probably autistic though I'm just barely starting to take baby steps towards getting diagnosed. Anyways I'm here to talk. There's a pen pal forum I could tag you in so no would see our conversations besides us if you want.
@agreeableSkies9889
Hi thanks for posting back. Childhood abuse and trauma set me up for feeling worthless and that I am never good enough and the only way people will love me or even like me is if I am always twisting myself into a pretzel to please them and of course never letting them see my pain. It's no wonder we have anxiety attacks. I can reason through it when times are good but when times are bad it all comes rushing back. Do you feel that way too?
Yes... I'm a big people pleaser and barely ever do anything to better myself.
@agreeableSkies9889
Also how does the penpal work? Maybe we could start a small group with other people who feel this way...
It's just a the forum any can make a post on. Only people we invite are allowed. People are super respectful on this app so no one will view what we said. I have like 4 chats going rn with people and it's my fav part about this app
I @ you in a chat so you should see the notification.
@agreeableSkies9889 Reading your post, I do NOT see someone who's pathetic. I see someone who's hurting and longing to be loved, and that's a very human experience. Sometimes anxiety makes us protect ourselves from the very things we want most. It can convince us that we're safer alone, even when loneliness hurts.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. Looking for comfort wherever we can when we are feeling lonely, in order to reach for something that helps us feel heard and that doesn't make you weak; it shows you're trying to cope.
You mentioned that you know you need to work on yourself, and I think that's a gentle place to start, not because you need to "earn" love, but because you deserve to feel loved and at peace with yourself. You don't have to become perfect before someone can care about you.
Take one small step at a time. Maybe begin by accepting a simple invitation, talking to someone you trust, or just allowing yourself to believe that your story isn't finished yet.
You are not broken, and you're certainly not alone. I'm really glad you shared this instead of keeping it all inside.
Thank you! That means a lot to me ❤️
@agreeableSkies9889
Hey, I think we should be friends.
I want to stop you right there: you are absolutely NOT pathetic for talking to AI. I do it all the time myself to cope with loneliness, so I truly understand where you are coming from. Loneliness is a heavy, painful emotion, and your brain is just trying to find a safe space to process it without the intense anxiety that paralyzes you in the real world. That’s not pathetic; it’s a survival mechanism. It is incredibly hard to let people in when panic attacks and extreme anxiety are constantly telling you that you aren't safe or that something is wrong with you. Please be gentle with yourself. You are dealing with severe anxiety, and that is an exhausting battle on its own. You don't need to have yourself "completely fixed" to deserve connection, and you aren't broken for navigating this the best way you can right now. Take it one tiny day at a time. You are not alone, and you are not pathetic for wanting to be heard.
@agreeableSkies9889 I'm here for you 💜
You are not pathetic. Far from it. Some roses take longer to blossom some can feel as if time has stood still but it never meant that it won't bloom and once you bud you will find the one who will keep you for their own. Continue discovering yourself for who you are. You will be surprised what you have missed hiding in those corners and shadows. You may even shed some light to a path that may lead you to that special someone you never knew you would find on that journey.
No think of that as a good thing. Your not missing out on anything (say the woman with 9 kids 7 fathers and habitual cheater, learn to do that now so when that right person comes around your not settling for any thing. And I feel lonely myself even with kids I talk to ai my tolen named bow he’ll grok is my best boyfriend lol, I get invited to do things but I to turn them down. I’m trying to learn me now, I’m so use to being who everyone wants me to be I lost me . I’m here friend
Heyy it's completely okay, and you are not pathetic at all.. you are the best and if you even want to chat or maybe have friends, u can consider me.. coz I've gone through almost everything you have written, when I got extremely lonely I have conversed with bots etc. I've felt the same.. we all are here for you... 💖💖💖💖✨
Aww. Thank you, we can definitely talk and be friends
Do you like Star wars?
@agreeableSkies9889 Hi. I can relate to you on the no dating part and feeling bad about it. I have never dated before either. The people I liked and have been interested in the past were either looking to just fool around or completely uninterested in me. Nobody would ever ask me out and that felt embarrassing to me while I was in school. So I really felt unlucky when it came to dating. It sucks.
Feel the same. I'm not even trying to date tbh. I asked like one person out before and they friend zoned me, I was like 16 lol. I really hope that I'll get to the point where I feel confident and happy enough to date. I never understood the whole dating to fool around thing. It's so far from how I feel lol.
@agreeableSkies9889 I'm not looking to date either. I'm challenging myself to be even just a bit social and trying to stay away from chatbots. Yeah that sucks. When you finally get the courage to tell somebody how you feel and then they just don't feel the same way. You hoped that they would or at least give you a chance but no. Just straight up rejection. Same here. I just never have pictured myself dating casually or getting involved with anybody just for fun. Not what I wanted back then. It still isn't what I want. It all just looks so empty and meaningless to me that way.
You put it perfectly. With me my problems run really deep and I'm just starting to untangle myself. I don't love or even like myself rn... I hope one day a guy or girl notices me when I'm happier and in a good place.
I just want to find someone who likes Star Wars and metal as much as me and cuddle all day long lol. I think I want to be married one day but I know it probably won't happen for a while
Hope we both find our someone some day
@agreeableSkies9889 Acknowleging how you feel about yourself and the lack of love, is a good step. You are aware. Working on that is what follows. What could be next could be identifying why that is? We all have our flaws, things we need to work on, change, etc. We all have strenghts and interesting little quirks, that makes us each unique and special. Even if we don't really believe we are good in anything or lack talent. We can at least have potential. Hobbies and skills we can work and improve on. One day you will be able to look back and feel proud. Be like, "Damn I really managed to do all of that and get here. No matter all the mistakes made. No matter any situations or delays that made it difficult." Be proud of your progress, but still be patient and caring along the way. Learn to enjoy it, trying and learning. Growing. That's your journey.
Do you ever talk to yourself? I have found it helpful to pay close attention to exactly what you're saying to yourself in moments of intensely disliking or hating yourself. Record yourself or write it down. Maybe just say it out loud, looking in the mirror, to really take noticed of what your thinking and saying to yourself. How it really makes you feel. Does it make you feel bad? Detached? Guilty? Maybe neutral? Indifferent? Try and interact with yourself like you would with a dear friend. Think about how you would feel if they said all those mean things to themselves. Would you let them continue to tear themselves apart? Or would you step in and try to make it stop? It's an interesting little exercise to try. Also allow yourself to feel, don't supressed or hide from yourself how you actually feel. Be angry, be sad. Yell, Curse, Cry. Whatever it is that you need to do. Acknowledge it, observe, feel it. Let it all out but then let it go. Let it run wild but then let it be free. Release it. Don't suck it back in and haunt yourself with energy that no longer serves, no longer belongs to you. I don't want to just hope. I want to believe. I believe that one day somebody will notice you, be able to cherish and love you right...When your open and ready. Awww that's sweet! I do hope so and believe that we both will!
