I want to be sad peacefully
I just want to be sad peacefully. I want to remove the happy mask I'm wearing. I want to wipe out all the fake smiles and laughs i put on for surviving. I just want to be sad. I just don't want to act. I want to feel like me. I don't want to feel fake. I just want to cry when i want to, scream when i want to, hide when i want to and fall when i want to. I am tired of keeping a brave face while i know i am all broken inside. I am tired of answering I'm fine to everyone asking me how i am. I am not fine. I wasn't fine for the past few years and i wont. I just hate my life, can you take the pain away from me? I just want to tell someone and cry about my life. I want someone to hear me and look at me like I am not fine. I want someone to tell me that you're suffering and it wouldn't go away soon. I just want to be sad peacefully
@loyalBlueberry7653 you said what I feel D:
you can be sad here peacefully <3 you can remove your happy mask and you don't need to say you're fine if you're not really fine <3 you can be honest and you're accepted the same <3 hugs offered 🤗
@Optimisticempath
thank you so much, your input means a lot <3
@loyalBlueberry7653 We don't try to pretend we are happy when we are not really, we smile to stop the circle of transferring unhappiness and limit its transfer to others. ❤️❤️❤️
@MOSEN123
now that i think of it, you're right too. it mostly involves not trying to make the ones around us feel worse too
@loyalBlueberry7653 Sure, sometimes also we just need a shoulder to cry on and feel better 🌼🌼🌼🌹🌹🌹
I do feel the same. But try to understand this is the world around us. But you may be your own
Aw, blue, im sorry you feel this way. But you're absolutely right. It's hard to keep a different face when you feel completely different. I really hope you find your way and feel free around here.
@loyalBlueberry7653
All i can say is I do feel your pain and suffering.., i do feel you... Has been in pain myself for past one year... 😢
@loyalBlueberry7653 This post is extremely relatable right now. I haven't been doing good for a long time now and feel alone. I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I've recently deleted the last bit of social media I had (I didn't even have social media, but got just one so people would stop asking for my number). Going through a hard time right now and want to be left alone completely....
@ImpudentIncognito
i really hope u feel well soon. it must be hard going through all the tough times alone. sending you hugs (if acceptable)
@loyalBlueberry7653 Thanks Blue! Basically, I'm homeless right now, couch surfing and going to motels and renting out rooms temporarily, my parents are abusive so can't ask for help, and don't want to. Also, I don't get along with my brothers anymore(only the youngest I'm good with, the older 2...not so much, especially the 2nd oldest brother, he's a *** and the reason I ended up homeless, it's a long story. The oldest is an obedient little soldier to my physically & verbally abusive parents, and as for the youngest... I might only have to cut him off since he's around them and could end up being a "flying monkey" lol. It's terminology children of NPD parents use...).
Furthermore... I was in-between jobs for a while based on son's health, not getting paid by the job, and crazy micromanaging ever since I moved to this state/city... I hate this place and hardly have any friends here, but stayed because of my son's abusive alcoholic father/my ex fiancé, whom I have a restraining order against... When I called the cops on him 1 year ago, I lost my job, got evicted from my nice place(my ex never helped with the bills when I got my own apartment, another long story for another time), had my nice car repossessed, ended up in debt, and lost temporary custody of son for a year(son is with me now).
So yeah ... I'm stuck because I'm broke...
But hopefully I'll get my tax money next month, and get out of this continent to reunite with some (good/non-toxic) family members OR start fresh and do my own thing...
And that's why I'm sad lol.
It's hard to explain to people, they always just tell me to "cheer up, things will get better" or even when I say I'm tired, people laugh and ask how can I be tired with an office job, but don't realize I walk for miles most times just to get errands done and other stuff... Or they tell me my family will come around and "family is blood you HAVE to be there for them!!"...I kinda gave up on opening up too much. I rather keep to myself...
People assume I'm very jolly & happy person, and become shocked when they hear about my life. I rather just keep to myself, as I mentioned prior...
I understand how challenges in life can knock us down, and how it affects us in so many ways.
I just want to tell you that you have been so strong with going through all of this,
even though you might not have felt that way. Having abusive parent's is truly heartbreaking.
We need our parents to be there for us, to support us.
But when they are the ones we're avoiding, moving away from and distancing ourselves from.
Even though we know we're doing something good for ourselves, it does hurt.
Especially when there are other family members involved.
I'm glad that you are aware of what's happening around you and remove yourself from their lives.
You mention that people say to you "Cheer up, things will get better". Unfortunately
that's what people often say so that our discomfort or the difficulties that we're going through,
don't cause them discomfort. You don't have to cheer up and think that things will get better.
You can allow yourself to feel every emotion that you are feeling, because each and everyone,
and I mean every single one, is valid.
Our emotions come to tell us something, if we ignore them and use toxic positivity,
we're just denying ourselves of working through what we're going through.
So, I am glad that you don't accept this "Cheer up" thing.
It's truly heartbreaking to hear that people are not showing any understanding to what you
have to go through on daily basis and don't understand the challenges you face.
Unfortunately, many aren't able to put themselves in other's shoes without thinking
how they would do things in another way and that makes it even harder for them to understand.
I want you to know that you, doing your absolute best for you and your son is absolutely wonderful!
I am glad to hear that you do what you can to better your life and I hope that you see, that
you are a good person and that your soon has a good parent.
When it comes to our families, we don't owe them anything and we are certanly not supposed
to accept any kind of bad behavior or treatment from them just because they are family.
When we have a good, healthy family system, we support one another and we are there
for one another. When we have that, there's no abuse or mistreatment going on at all.
But when we have a dysfunctional family, abusive one or narcissistic one, the best thing
we can do is to remove ourselves from that system, because we can't change others.
But we can change our surroundings and ourselves, we can make sure that we are
feeling good about how we are, who we are and what we do in life.
Being blood related to someone doesn't automatically make us owe them anything.
I hope you know that you deserve all the love, care and the support you get and more.
And that you and your son deserve all the good things in life.
Allow your emotions to come, to be and to pass, because they are valid.
You are valid and you are important!
You are enough!
✨💙✨
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@AnnaSilverberg Wow, can I just say I'm blown away by your reply? This is exactly what I need to hear right now... I appreciate you for taking the time to read about my situation and tailouring your words to me. My friends just gave me the generic talk instead, but you addressed what was bothering me. I screenshot the reply since I can't bookmark it here to use as a reminder when I feel down... Again, thank you for your response, you're an amazing person!
I hope it will be a kind and caring reminder for you.
You are wonderful!
✨💙✨
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@AnnaSilverberg I just wanted to give a quick update — I am no longer homeless as of August. I've been doing much better. I also have the possibility of getting a pay raise and permanent position at current job(I am currently a part-time temp), I'm extremely excited!
I don't really have friends anymore, but that is OK. There's always time to make new ones. I am dating again, and have been in a relationship with a wonderful person who I talk to daily and see most weekends, since he lives far away, but he still comes down and makes the effort.
Life is a bit better now. Still working on some things I need to get done.
I'm so happy to hear that you have a place to live in and a good job!
You truly deserve wonderful things!
It brings me so much joy to know that you have found someone who
brings smiles to your face and warmth to your heart.
And it sounds like you have just found that.
Your life is on a wonderful path of healing,
hopefully other things come with time.
Know that you are amazing,
and that you deserve the best!
And you are always enough.
I am proud of you!
✨💙✨
✨
@ImpudentIncognito
So proud of you and I'm honestly admired. You're a really strong person and an inspiration. I really hope you get the best wherever you go❤️
@loyalBlueberry7653
I'm hearing how you have been suffering for all this time and I want you to know that you are safe to inhabit this space of not being okay, and not being fine, exactly as you are in this moment as you are without any mask. You are not fine and your welcome here isn't based on how fast you can feel fine, either. It takes bravery to show up authentically, even online in spaces like these. Thank you for your courage. We are here for you.
@zaatarHoney thank you so much. This means a lot
Me too.
@loyalBlueberry7653 Hi!God will bless you. You will be all okay my dear. Even I am going through the same situation.
I hear you, being sad all the time and yet have to put on a smiling face is challenging.
It takes a lot of energy to put up that smile and laugh when all we really want,
is to curl up in a corner and cry, allowing ourselves to feel the sadness that's inside.
It's okay not to be okay.
I understand why we do smile and laugh though, because we don't want others to know
that we are hurting on the inside, sometimes so that others don't feel uncomfortable,
sometimes because we don't feel able to share or simply don't want to.
Whatever it is, you are allowed to be sad and feel sad in peace.
You mentioned how you are tired of answering that you're fine when everyone asks how you're doing.
Because you haven't felt fine in a long time, what would happen if you would say
that you're not fine? Would it help to be open about what you're going through?
Would it help you put down the mask?
Often we ask if someone's okay because we see that they are going through something.
But we don't want to intrude on their life or take the chance of them distancing themselves from us,
because we were asking questions that made them feel uncomfortable or upset.
So we want to pay attention to them, make them laugh and be happy,
but we also want them to open up on their own time.
Sharing isn't supposed to be forced, it should come peacefully.
I wonder, is there a friend or a family member that you feel that you could open up to?
Someone who you could answer with: I'm not fine, I'm not okay. - Or something like that?
There's nothing wrong with needing support or help or a listening ear, be it here or in real life.
There's nothing wrong with being sad either, to allow your emotions flow,
accepting them as they are, allowing them to be and allowing them to go.
What we do need to be mindful of is that we need to work through the emotions.
And it's okay if we need help with that.
Remember that you're not alone
Allow yourself to heal
Allow yourself to feel
You are enough
✨💙✨
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@AnnaSilverberg this message is just so beautiful. thank you for taking your time to read and reply ❤️
@AnnaSilverberg so supportive and kind Anna 💕 I needed to hear this also 😢 thank uuu
