Living with a monster
I am currently in a long-term relationship but have been unhappy for more than half of it. My partner doesn't seem to care at all about being supportive or meeting my needs. I have read all the books, did all the research, had many frustrating conversations. He refuses to go to counseling. I've given up and now I just want out. It feels like it's been a slow death of sorts, and I spent years blaming myself, letting my health and self-esteem fail. I've prayed and cried a million tears. But slowly I am starting to realize that maybe it isn't me, that this selfish, unpredictable man is really just an expert manipulator. A narcissist. The truth is devastating that I may have wasted so many years and so much love. I don't want to live with someone who mocks my pain and can sit callously by watching me suffer. Who just doesn't care. I love you means nothing when backed by actions that only contradict. Trying to find the courage and support to leave safely. Thanks to everyone here for listening. 😘
Get out while you still can. Don't have a child with this man. If you want to know what true *** on earth is, have a child with a monster.
@honestBirch1622 We are married so it is difficult to detangle ourselves and our finances but yes thank God we did not have children! He has three from his first marriage and I have seen how absent he was to them, only doing the bare minimum
@LucyDW He also threatens that I will never see my fur babies again if I leave him. And that he will come after my income if I take anything that is his. These threats are not even when we are fighting but totally random out of the blue. It is super bizarre.
@LucyDW aww I'm sorry sweetie 🙁 but thank God you saw the light 💖 have courage, you can do this and we are all here for you every step of the way 💗 hugs you tightly 💗
You need extra help in this painful process, you need to go to a therapist.
@LucyDW you have gathered courage to leave, you're already in the right direction. Better love awaits you. We are all here to support ❤️
@LucyDW wishing you all the best with whatever decision you make, thinking of you 🥰
@LucyDW
i know it is hard to distance ourselves and leave ... maybe we played the i will change game before so many "talks' that was a waste of effort. many lawyers offer a free consult to divorce to at least know your rights and options take inventory and if you have things that are special to you move them out slowly a small storage unit etc... separate if they do not see us anyway you will get a lot done and be ahead of the game before he clues in.
remember the person who loves you id YOU and actions and history show you who he is.
@LucyDW Following your thread. I’m sorry this is happening to you. We try to do the right thing and think the best of people. We give them chance after chance, even when they do nothing but empty words to show us they deserve another. We even blame ourselves, to try to find compromise, and because we are willing to admit mistakes and change. We must be careful, we can lose ourselves in this fog. We make ourselves a sacrifice so that they can go on living comfortably. I am at a loss how to find myself again. I’m glad you’re putting yourself first right now. I hope you’ll keep us updated if you want.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Thank you so much. I was in denial for literally years. Now I wonder how I was so blind, naive, pathetic etc. Went through so much depression, then one day I got really, really angry. And that was when it all changed. Something in me said "you don't have to take this", and that nothing is worth this. HE isn't worth this! I loved him to the point of destruction. I don't have to accept this. I don't have to keep making excuses for him over and over, while I continue to disintegrate. Nearly every time I was drowning in my struggles, reaching for a life raft in his hand, he threw me an anchor. That isn't love. It's just wrong.
@LucyDW You’re right and explained it so well. Anger is a funny thing. We’re told all our lives not to ever get angry. But sometimes anger is the life raft that finally arrives.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I am right there with you. But been with him since 2001 and have had 3 chrildren. I do not know who I am, my brain fog is insane. Where do we look for help when we have no money of our own ?
@yellowSouth7371 I’m sorry you and your kids are going through this. I have kids as well. It adds another layer of complexity, forever wondering what is right. I wish I had words of advice. Do you have safe family or friends you could stay with? I have neither, so just been supporting them on my own working.
@LucyDW
Really sorry to hear that. Your time is worth it and I wish you the best of luck. Please feel BETTER 🫶
There are organizations for domestic violence, and yes, emotional abuse, manipulation, etc, is also abuse. I found this one online: https://www.thehotline.org. They have a phone number, live chat, text, and AI chat. Look them up, or google another one.
I’ve been through DV. I feel your pain. :(
@LucyDW how can he refuse counseling? Please drag him for counseling. Please do. Btw how old are you?
@Sanvee11 You can not force someone to go to marriage counseling. He doesn't think he needs it, I guess. I am in my forties. He is 15 years older than me.
@LucyDW omg he is 15 years older to you and still so immature, ugh these men...sorry for you though.
@Sanvee11 Yeah, apparently age has little to do with maturity. 🤣
