Low self-esteem
Hii, I need advice or something...
What to do when you're feeling tired of everything,when do you feel like you're the most boring person in the world and you're very awkward? I've been feeling this way for a while now, I don't know what to do, I keep comparing myself to others, how pretty they are, how better personality they have, how interesting their life is...I just idk...I compare myself to someone who doesn't even like me, im a teenager and I feel so lost tbh. Everyone is living their best years, like in a movie...but i'm not...
Like everyone has better style than me and all that...how im supposed to feel important?
Like I want to feel like the main character but I can't...And I know nobody's life is perfect but I envy even their problems and I feel so unimportant and ugly and ughh...I don't want to write many things but I just want some advices, not maybe "learn how to love yourself" because im trying...I want some support, even some short answers would help but I really appreciate the looong ones too! :)
@Glitteryprincess17
Hii, i actually struggle with the same issue as you do too. People's lives aren't perfect, they just appear like that from the outside. When you actually do talk to them, then you'll realize that they have problems too, and maybe even the same problems as you do too.
I sometimes wish that i was more interesting and talkative too , but something that helps me is this quote "Even though you are shy/awkward/socially anxious, don't ever let it stop you from loving yourself."
Loving and accepting yourself is hard, and it is something that gets better with time and practice, so be gentle with yourself. Don't force yourself to be able to overcome all your problems in an instant and keep on practing self compassion and self acceptance and i hope one day you'll be able to love and accept yourself
Don't ever think that you aren't important or you don't matter. I took the time to write this message and give you support because you DO matter. Everyone does!
And just remember that with time and practice, the traits that you hate the most today will some day change and turn into the traits that you're proud of. People can change too, in both good and bad ways. One day you can be someone that you're proud of too :)
@Glitteryprincess17
Well, I had a lot of problems in my younger years (keep having a lot, but they're different lol) and was lost in between what people thought of me, anxiety, comparison, and either compulsive eating and becoming an obese child and forcing myself to starve and being an underweight teenager (to the point of rummors and gossip about some possible illness)...
When I was 16 I found this book at a trifth store - a depressive old man finding ways to cope with his life... Easier said than done, but... Why we compare ourselves to others? Why do we find others having a blast while we can't?
What we see about others - even more nowadays - is their overthought perfectly crafted full of filters take of reality, of their side of stuff... Just be you - for love yourself or not. Try to separate what you see and listen from the perfect tailored tale to reality, to the possible - and you don't need to check stuff or argue.
If you don't be yourself, who will?
And... No one passing 2 generations won't really remmember us... Why care so much on what people think? Don't we deserve trying to be what we want or do the thing we want? How other people show they are or what they do are that important?
I know... I cared and compared myself... Until become acctually tired of it.
@Glitteryprincess17 Hello! I just made my account too. I don’t usually struggle with this kind of thing, but I can understand the feeling to an extent. I know it’s not easy to stop comparing yourself to others, but the sooner you can let go of that habit—or even just do it less—the easier it becomes to build yourself up.
I still struggle with comparing myself sometimes, but I’ve learned that no one’s life is perfect. A good way to think about it is to imagine your own family—you may know them well, but you’ll never truly know everything about them. Only they do. It’s the same with everyone else.
It’s easy to look at someone’s life and think, “Wow, I wish I were them,” but you’re not them—you’re you. It’s like judging a book by its cover; you might read the title, but you still have to open it and explore the story inside. And even then, a person’s story is never fully told.
Sorry if this doesn’t make complete sense, but I hope it helps you in some way. I may not know you, but I believe in you!
@courteousPenny8741
Thank you for sharing. Your analogy makes complete sense so you don't need to apologize
And also welcome to the 7cups community! :D
Your message shows a lot of self-awareness. You understand that healing isn’t a race, and that allowing yourself to feel and move through things slowly is actually a form of strength. It takes courage to sit with emotions instead of pushing them away.
When you picture giving yourself that time and gentleness, what kinds of things come to mind that might help you through the process?
Hii, thank you for your message!
If I have to be honest, I don't exactly know, I want to feel happy and don't compare myself to others, but sometimes I feel unimportant because my problems aren't so big like the others problems, so I wish I would have those problems too to feel more valid to feel that way. I mean I have some sad stories to tell but they aren't so big so I feel egoistic kind of? Like why im feeling this way when someone has harder life and can manage emotions better and is more succesful than me? I feel so selfish but like I am VERY selfish, there is this one girl I envy, she had always low grades but many friends, crazy stories and is super pretty naturally but now she starts to get better at learning and im starting to get worse...she starts to be better at the thing I was only good at...I found out that she gossipied about me that I p*ss her off and I started to dislike her bc of that but now I feel guilty that I don't like her because everyone likes her and I know she has some problems...
She's the typical rebel girl, plays guitar and wears all black and I envy her so much...like she's the girl from the movie...even her "problems" are aeshetic to me...It always seems like it, my problems are always ugly and so on. It sounds very bad What I said and idk how to be a better person...like I feel so evil
Sorry that I wrote such a long text I just came from school trying to not cry and wanted to let it out
It's so tough being that person who is always comparing your life with every other. I know this because I'm that person too. Something really beautiful is that we are aware of the precise cause of our problems.
I want you to know that you are perfect, first of all. With all your flaws, insecurities, fears, you remain the most perfect human. Why? Because we humans are flawed.
You being insecure is just one of the many flaws humans have hence you're the most perfect human. Instead of trying to fight your flaws, just accept it.
Yes, you're that insecure lady that thinks everyone's more perfect than her. Yup, that's you. Accept it. That's your flaw. The more you hate on your flaws, the harder it becomes to see your beauty. Accept your flaw and begin to focus more on what you're good at.
If you only focus on the negative, that's all you'll see. But I'm pretty sure there's a whole lot more to you than the negatives. So tell me, what's one thing you admire about yourself?
Hey, extreme comparison leads us to nowhere good. I think your focus is too much on her. Try to bring it back to you - what do you like and appreciate in life? What goals would you want to achieve to feel accomplished or happy?
Sometimes our thoughts are our worst enemies. But the good news is we can learn to address them properly so our mental health is not affected. I would advise to just try to bring the focus on yourself by consistent small things you do for yourself. It can be even something small like engaging in a hobby consistently that you particularly enjoy. Because for sure you have many cool interests - you just need to explore them more.
@Glitteryprincess17
All humans have the capacity for "evil" which is impulsive, moment to moment, self serving actions and, it's going to destroy you, because it doesn't care about "future you" either.
Your honesty is possibly the best thing you have right now. It will allow you to see what you're doing that will destroy you BEFORE you put yourself in a pit that is way bigger than you have the will or capacity to get yourself out of. Your negative emotions are the psyche's way of telling you, by your own moral judgements, that you need to realign your actions with higher thoughts. - Thoughts that see farther through space and time.
The body is homeostatic. Its always making sure things remain in the same range but the psyche is forward feeding. This means whatever it is doing it wants to do more of and better. So if you are on a road of comparing yourself to others and then feeling inadequate and then choosing to take ..whatever action it is you have chosen (because I don't know you or what you're doing), your mind will get better and better at that. If you're built with moral sense, and you're not truly "evil" (those people are out there), then your mind will make you feel bad for this because it's dysfunctional.
What actions will lift you up? I heard a study of where it was said that it's the same thing to be miserable and to be thinking of yourself.
Helping others will give you the attention you want in a positive way and also benefit the people around you. You benefit, they benefit. That is a morally sound way to orient your actions and I'm sure your mind won't protest to that.. not until it finds something to object to that would need your attention.
Don't get better and better at being sad and angry and miserable. No one can save your mind for you. Be your mind's own savior with that honesty and re-orientation when it's screaming at you. That's my advice without knowing anything too specific about you.
Also, wanting to be important and special is.. something many humans struggle with and it's a poison that tastes good. When it's not in check it deludes people into feeling more important than other people in ways that are sneaky and they may not notice for a while.
It's great that you admit that your not that great because now you are starting your journey to becoming something you decide you'll be instead of being thrown around by your mind. Many people choose not to take that step because it is so painful to see how not great they are. The process of creating a new self isn't comfortable but is necessary to becoming more flexible, capable, dynamic, and sociable.
Thank you, I keep on trying but its hard because im focusing on this one girl I envy, I try to ignore her and live my life but everyone talks about her so its hard
@Glitteryprincess17
If the part of you your calling envy could speak what would it say? What does it want you to know it needs?
This is becoming conscious like emerging from the dark waters. Your conscious mind needs to organize it into your whole self, so it has a positive/helpful role to play in your life. It will act through you whether you give it a helpful role or not because nothing that is part of your psyche can be ignored and done away with.
Go into yourself, call envy and greet it with a smile
What does envy look like in your mind? Or sound like? Or where do you feel it physically? (Your psyche will give it some sort of form that you can interact with.)
What does IT want. Instead of thinking about this, just let it speak for itself rawly.
How can you make it feel accepted by you? Give it a role that you'd actually appreciate? How can it watch out for you and take care of the whole system with its own niche?
Let it go back to the unconscious and run itself once this feel complete or you feel satisfied.
Working with yourself in this way feels deeply connecting and with practice become easier and automatic. You should feel quick shifts as things move around and restructure. This is a suggestion that you can try. There are many many ways someone can interact with their own psyche or mind/body complex to create magic like changes so do what comes naturally to you.
If your mind seems to have parts that have a mind of their own and don't like you to control them, then they are parts that you do not have conscious control of yet and you may need to find a way to get them to agree with you because the mind likes its structure that has worked for it this far and prefers to be on the safe side rather than let it go into chaos for fear that it could possibly make things worse. So reassuring it that you want to move things around to try something out to see how it goes but it can move it back can be all it needs to allow you interact with parts of yourself and give you some room to play and think.
Think of an interaction you had. Jump into different positions outside of your body/first position self into the other person (that you were talking to), a third person watching you two interact (but who wasn't part of the interaction), a being that is watching the whole situation (fly on the wall, alien, dog) and then back again into yourself as an example to give the mind a new way to process how something went down. Don't think about it as much as you want to emerse yourself in it. Watch a movie in your mind.
This creates new meanings, thoughts, feelings and a fresh perspective that can free you up from sticking painful feelings and meanings you give your experiences.
It is crucial that as you develop throughout your life, you exert conscious observation and control over unconscious parts of yourself that are wreaking havoc in your life externally and on your inner peace. It does compound otherwise, but you seem to be wise enough to know that already since you are here! 💛
You wrote so much here😭Thank you very much! You sound like a very wise person, I will try to use your advice :)
@Glitteryprincess17
hey there, thank you so much for opening up about this 💛 what you’re describing — that deep, tired feeling and the constant comparing — it’s something so many people quietly struggle with, especially in their teen years. but that doesn’t make your pain any less real or heavy. it sounds like you’ve been feeling invisible and out of place, like the world is full of color and you’re watching it in black and white. 🌧️
you’re not boring — you’re just tired. tired of pretending, of comparing, of trying to feel enough in a world that constantly tells you to be “more.” but the truth is, your story is still being written. you’re not behind, you’re just in the quiet part — the part where you’re figuring out who you are and what makes you feel alive. 🌿
when you see others and think they’re living their “movie life,” remember: you’re only seeing the highlight reel, not the late nights, the crying, the self-doubt they hide too. the prettiness, the confidence — they don’t come from having everything; they come from small moments of self-trust and kindness toward yourself.
and about wanting to feel like the main character — you are, even if it doesn’t feel that way yet. sometimes the main character doesn’t realize they’re in the middle of their character development arc. you don’t need a perfect style, a glowing personality, or attention from others to be important. you just need to start showing up for yourself, even in tiny ways — putting on an outfit you like, doing something creative, or sitting with yourself without judgment for five minutes. 💭
you matter more than you think. and it’s okay to not feel okay right now — it doesn’t mean your story stops here.
you’re not alone in this, truly. 🌙
— bubbles 💜
Thank you all for those texts!💕💕💕
