Weekly Prompt #21: Can forgiveness be earned, or is it something that should be freely given?
Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a good week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed- Do you have any guilt? How did it make you feel? If you haven't checked yet, please click here to add your thoughts.
This week's prompt is: Can forgiveness be earned, or is it something that should be freely given?
Take a moment to reflect on what is forgiveness to you and whether can it be earned or simply freely given. Take your time to explore fully and allow your thoughts to flow freely. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to forgiveness, as it is a deeply personal and individual experience. Please share and discuss here among us.
Join us in the 24/7 General Support Group Chat to share and support each other.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
I think it depends on what we are forgiving. If someone accidentally stepped on my foot, I forgive freely. If someone I haven't seen in a long time, and used to treat me badly, but now is treating me well, it might take me some time to warm up to the forgiveness. And if someone treated me worse than any one human being on this planet, it might take me a long time, but I will forgive them and leave the vengeance and judgement to God. And if I'm forgiving myself, I forgive myself wholeheartedly with God's help, but that might take the most time of all and might be hard to accept. If what is standing between me and getting into Heaven, is forgiving all the worst people in my life, I forgive them all wholeheartedly. I leave the vengeance and judgement to God.
@purpleTree4652 Hello purple, it has been a while since I saw you around. I hope you are well and taking it easy on yourself. We missed your presence and thoughts on different discussions. I look forward for your thoughts and experiences.
Thank you for sharing and opening about it with us here. It seems forgiveness can take different forms and times depending on the situation. Exploring our feelings around forgiveness can help us process and heal. You demonstrate wisdom in leaving vengeance to a higher power and focusing inward on your own path. What aspects of forgiving yourself feel most challenging in your journey?
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO, Yes, I am plodding along through school and a new job. I'm actually ok and doing well at times. But I still struggle at times, too. I've been watching your questions to everyone. Some of them just bring up to many painful thoughts for me to answer. So, I passed on several questions.
The things that are hard for me to forgive myself on are things I did when I did not have psychiatric care or psychiatric meds. I have confessed to God and received his forgiveness. That is all I will say about that. Even with his forgiveness I suffer because I know what I have done.
@purpleTree4652 It sounds like you are going through a difficult time coping with past actions, even though you have received forgiveness. Struggling with painful thoughts can make life feel very heavy at times. You have shown strength in getting support and doing well at times - is there anything else that lifts your spirits during challenging periods?
Also, I understand some of my questions might seem heavy and difficult to think or respond to, but you are welcome to share anything or everything you feel comfortable to. All these questions are a way for us to explore and discuss our emotions, experiences and insights together. I am here with you to discuss them, Purple. You can share what you can <3
@purpleTree4652
forgiveness is somthing i think i depends on the person wh is doing the forgiveing as for me personely i will forgive a person who made me cry when i was liittle (bio dad) and has not bee aloud to be in my life and i will forgive my bro in all but blood as they have erened it in ways hard to explain but i can not frgive my mom for the 16 years of trama and i can not forgive my bro in all but blodds sisters as they have all proven i can not trust them ever and will forgive my halfsibs (same mom dif dads) depending on what they did as if they tear up my room i will not frgve them for like 3 days but if they tease me abt my bf i know they are teasing so will forgive in like 3 min 1hr at most and my bro gts moe passes as he is asd so just copys my sister . so it all depends on the person as yyes it should be given freely to everyone till someone hasproven they cant be trusted then they have to earn forgiveness at least for me as i will not forgive half of my grade or my chem teacher ever as they insault me while i am in the room and think i do not hear or am not paying attion but if my boyfriend or friends make fun of me i will forgive them in 1hr to 3days depending on severety of insedednt and wich friend. i have a system that i use that my friends do not know abt where they get three strikes then they hve t prove them selfs to me or my bf
@ASilentObserver children and adolsents should be forgiven freely. Children and teens think differently to adults a lot of the time, and should just be forgiven. Animals should also be forgiven freely, cause they act in instincts not human rules. Everyone else, needs to earn forgiveness/trust back. (Every one deserves a second chance) but those who intentionally abuse others, I'm not sure if they deserve forgiveness at all
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you for sharing your perspective, Tiny. It seems forgiveness is an important value to you, yet also weighing how intentional harm affects trust. Exploring different views can help us better understand such complex issues.
I think that @Tinywhisper11 is correct about children and adolescents as their brains are still maturing. I think forgiveness is given, but not necessarily freely. Abuse, crime - and I am thinking of Lewiston, ME. are examples where s forgiveness is not earned. Hitler did not deserve a second chance, though. Forgiveness has to be a measured, thoughtful response to an action.
@dadalo yeah I understand that sweetie ❤ tw) I was a sex slave for 18 years. And no those sort of people don't deserve forgiveness
@Tinywhisper11 I did state everyone deserves a second chance, except for people who intentionally abuse others. I'm sorry you were a victim of bad people too😞 huggs you ❤
@ASilentObserver
Largely depends on the scenario.
@Thedoctorno12 It sounds like forgiveness is something you've been reflecting on. What feelings come up for you as you consider different scenarios? You seem interested in understanding when forgiveness may be possible or not.
@ASilentObserver
God forgives us when we earn it, but just because God acts a certain way doesn't mean humans should. In the Lord's Prayer, we say, "and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others." From that, it sounds like if you want to be forgiven, you should forgive others freely.
@windchimes1991 Thank you for sharing your thoughts on forgiveness. It seems this is something important to you as you explore your faith and how it relates to human relationships. What feelings come up for you as you think about freely forgiving others?
@ASilentObserver I find it pretty easy to forgive people as long as they're sorry
@windchimes1991 It sounds like forgiveness is important to you. I am glad to hear you find a way to move past hurt.
@ASilentObserver
Forgiveness is moving past hurt. It's choosing to not hold onto painful feelings.
@windchimes1991 That's a thoughtful perspective on forgiveness. Moving past hurt can be challenging but also healing.
@ASilentObserver
It depends on the situation and person... when it is a person who this is a first time etc perhaps we give the forgiveness
Unfortunately these days more and more think they can over step boundaries and break rules and the "forgive all" idea gives them a get out of trouble free attitude ....... THESE people need to EARN to be forgiven.
@toughTiger6481 It sounds like forgiveness is a complex topic that depends on the specific situation and person. Exploring different viewpoints can help us better understand such nuances. What kinds of experiences have led you to think more about when forgiveness has been earned or not earned?
@ASilentObserver
The idea promoted that forgiveness is for the person instead of problem people .............never made any sense to me and i got nothing from it....was empty and hollow ... wonder if anyone really gets peace from this.
People who earn it are people who ACTUALLY learn from mistakes and do not repeat them .... they OWN up and that earns forgiveness.
those whom i doubt will ever earn it are the ones who count on this idea to get away with anything, It is or was Never their fault or not what they meant even though there is no plausible deniability for repeating the same thing over and over.
@toughTiger6481 It can be difficult to find meaning in ideas that don't resonate with our experiences. What feelings have you been left with after people have not taken accountability for their actions?
@ASilentObserver
I know not rational as everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves but seeing or being exposed to the people who consistently take advantage sours me on people so i tend to snap at a small mistake or error instead of letting it go and waiting to see if they are 1. people who redeem themselves or 2. users
@toughTiger6481 It sounds like seeing people take advantage has left you feeling sour and less trusting of others. Those experiences would understandably make it difficult to give people the benefit of the doubt. What emotions come up for you when you feel yourself snapping at a small mistake?
@ASilentObserver
Obs,
You always bring the tough questions which usually ends (for me) in deep deep thought.
While I hear the words spoke to me more times than not “Forgiveness is for you, not for the one whom you are forgiving”. The logic and the reasoning is most sound.
But it is most complicated to me. I say the words, but it doesn’t change the feeling. I heartfelt say the words but the feeling comes back. It seems there is an internal vicious cycle that needs to be broken but I wouldn’t know how.
Thank you for your wonderful post! You are appreciated
@Barltik2065 Thank you Barl for reflecting and sharing your thoughts. I am sorry for the tough questions but I feel sometimes we all can reflect on these questions and support each other.
@ASilentObserver
“What aspects of forgiveness are most difficult for your?”
Thank you for asking :)
The sum of the whole.
I say “I forgive you.” And then, before you know it. Right back where I started
before saying those words.
It is illogical to me.
@Barltik2065 It seems this situation has been difficult and frustrating for you. When we say we forgive but find ourselves back where we started, it's understandable to feel confused. You are not alone in struggling with these kinds of challenges - feelings often do not change overnight. We are all here with you to listen to and to support. <3
@ASilentObserver
That's why 7 Cups rocks :)
People like you Obs
@Barltik2065 Thank you Barl! This is everyone's community and I see every day how everyone comes together to support, heal, and discuss some of the really difficult challenges in the most compassionate way. That feeling might not be described best in the words but we try as much as we can. And I hope we continue to spread the feeling of comfort and support to everyone and more every day.
@ASilentObserverI think the latter. Forgiving is not so much for the person who does us wrong but for us. Just Free yourself from those negative feelings. Work on the process. Learn the lesson. And move on. You don't necessarily have to keep having the person around either. Set boundaries too and respect yourself from going back to a lower level.
@colorlover Thank you for sharing your thoughts on forgiveness and moving forward. It seems this is something you have given a lot of reflection on. How have you felt as you have worked through the process of learning lessons and setting boundaries?
honestly, lighter. It's hard to get to the point where we need to understand to let go so that out mind and spirit can be at rest. It's not about what they did to us but understanding that we can control our feelings and emotions. Nobody else has control of that but us.
@colorlover It sounds like controlling your feelings and emotions is weighing on your mind. What thoughts or realizations have helped you gain that understanding?
Oh, this is such a tough one. Good question!
I’ve actually recently been talking about this in therapy.
depending on the situation, forgiveness can be REALLY hard. But as hard as it may be, forgiveness isn’t for the defendant. It’s for your own well being. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to keep in contact with someone who hurt you. If you can’t forgive, you are continuing to let that person harm you.
That’s such a hard pill to swallow, because forgiveness SHOULD be earned, but not everyone is going to earn it. Not everyone is sorry. ❤️
@ItsMeJax Thank you for sharing your thoughts on forgiveness, Jax. Exploring difficult emotions with a therapist can provide much-needed support. I am glad you are focusing on your own well-being through this process. Continuing self-care and surrounding yourself with understanding companions can help lighten the load. How have your discussions helped bring you greater peace of mind?
Your assessment would be a common one but .... NO i do not get taken advantage of because i do not accept the philosophy that every one operates with good intentions and should get benefit of doubt over and over.
most of my dismay with people in general is was not due to personal experiences but watching this behavior being used like a skill to play innocent.... used to be less used or expected but the philosophy of instant forgiveness made this grow like mold.
@toughTiger6481 It seems this way of thinking has caused you a lot of dismay. You have clearly given this deep thought and come to your own understanding. How have you managed to take care of yourself through this difficult experience?
@ASilentObserver
I do not see it as others do not difficult at all for me...... not upsetting ... just frustrating that honesty and accountability is becoming rare .... and replaced with everybody does this mentality
@toughTiger6481 It sounds frustrating to experience a lack of honesty and accountability from others. What kinds of situations have led you to feel this way?
@ASilentObserver
I spent a long time working with the public!
@ASilentObserver
Forgiveness is not a gift freely given but one earned. And sometimes never earned. You don't have to be pressured to forgive someone, as that is a choice entirely up to you. Some people do not deserve forgiveness.
@SquidwardBobRoss It sounds like forgiveness is weighing heavily on your mind. What feelings arise as you consider the possibility of forgiveness not being earned?
@ASilentObserver
Some things are unforgivable.
@SquidwardBobRoss It sounds like something deeply troubling has happened. Would you like to share and talk about it with us?
@ASilentObserver
I'm just saying that despite common belief forgiveness is earned and not freely given nor should someone feel obligated to forgive someone. As mentioned, some people do not deserve forgiveness.
@SquidwardBobRoss oh yes 100% to the point, Squid. I agree with you
