What's "too much"? Share your thoughts and preferences
I heard someone use the phrase "too much" recently. It made me wonder about people's experiences here and what would feel the best to them. I think awareness of many perspectives is important.
Please be respectful. There are no absolutes. Your experience is yours, and other people deserve to have theirs. If it's hard for you to express yourself, try "Personally, I feel [insert emotion] when..."
When you come here, what are you looking for?
What helps you find that?
What feels overwhelming to you?
What makes you want to avoid (even if temporarily) a forum or chat or even the site itself? (Again... be respectful! Own your own personal experience. Generalizations aren't fair.)
What does help you or would help you?
I think it just varies day to day, moment to moment, sometimes seeing a lot of notifications seems overwhelming and I leave it for another time.
Later or another day I can feel excited about it.
I visit here to lend support, listen, read posts that I can relate too or add my input too.
What deters me from this site? Not feeling free to express myself, being trolled and timewasters who think it's amusing to be gross in my messages!
@ScrabbleBrain
Thanks for your perspective, ScrabbleBrain. It's truly good to hear your thoughts.
I can definitely understand how your responses to various aspects of 7cups changes with your mood. That totally makes sense to me, and I certainly can relate to it.
I can also relate to your frustrations with those who might be trying to use the site in inappropriate ways. I used to get a lot of that when I first started as a Listener (I think it was my name, maybe?) and I hated how much time it seemed to waste. I'd rather be spending it positively supporting people!
Feeling like you can't express yourself seems like a big deal. I'm not sure what that means for you, and I'd be interested in hearing more - if you feel comfortable saying.
Thanks for your response!
@JustSophia I don't think it was your name, that's just an excuse to target you. Sorry you went through inappropriate messages too.
I grew up in a world being shushed so when a few of my posts here got flagged/removed for simply expressing myself as a female, I knew it wasn't a place to post anymore, just a place to answer others.
@JustSophia
Great question 💛
I come to listen.
Support
Learn.
Grow.
I don't like when people don't realise we are human, cannot solve or have the answers to everything, we are trying our best and are volunteers.
We deserve respect too
I don't like when some people take over chatrooms and exclude others.
Form cliques
I don't like people using cups as a dating site 💛
@Amanda84
Great to hear from you, Amanda. What wonderful reasons to show up here. I love that.
YEEESS to people remembering that we are volunteers and doing our best, and that we deserve respect! I do want people to be able to have high expectations for us, and I think it's good when we strive to meet high expectations. But it is true that we are only human, and we're not going to be perfect. Ever. (Even if we were, it wouldn't be what works with some people). We do deserve respect for the time we give and the effort we put into the positive things we try to offer.
It's easy, I think, to hang around with people we know in a community sort of way, but it can seem very "clique-y" and it's something we all need to be aware of I think. And no one should ever have reason to feel excluded. I hear you about someone dominating a chat, too. Basically, it seems like you're saying it's important that people have space for themselves, and that they know it, and I couldn't agree more.
And yeah... this is not a dating site. Bleh.
Thanks so much for your response, Amanda.
@JustSophia
A pleasure 💜
@JustSophia
That's a very good question. It is also very broad.
I think as someone who has studied psych [perhaps like many here] that textbooks give us a generic template for what folks may experience when things are "too much", so-to-speak. While such generic information may be helpful, it shouldn't be used as an end-all-be-all, for lack of better terms. Everyone experiences things differently and it's important to recognize that.
I have certain exercises that I do to keep myself grounded. I always encourage folks to find stuff that keeps them grounded and stick with it. A half-clear, half-cluttered head is much better than a head full of tangled thoughts. An entirely clear head would require a miracle to achieve, imho.
@comfortingmusician08
Thank you for your response. I particularly appreciate your pointing out how responses to this question might be more helpful if the question was more specific?
I think I get what you're saying in that sometimes posing a broad question offers TOO much space for people to know how to answer it and too much space to have useful answers that address any particular goal. It could maybe even inhibit responses, My intent in asking these questions was to give space for people to share what "too much" means for them and how it fits into their experience here. That will definitely involve a lot of different perspectives - to your point. It's hard to know the best way to encourage engagement while offering plenty of space for people to answer in ways that are meaningful to them. Given your background knowledge in psychology, I'd be interested in your perspective on that. What are your thoughts and suggestions?
Also - I'd love to hear your own responses to these questions in as much detail as you want to give!
Thanks so much for your comment.
@JustSophia
Aw man you got me, my minor was in psychology, I majored in French horn performance lol.
Perhaps like many, for me "too much" usually entails an overwhelming number of thoughts tangled among each other. It can feel like the thoughts can't be organized at the moment.
Beyond that, there's frankly not much specific that I can share without prompt.
I must draw the line where my knowledge/thoughts on this matter end so as not to make a fool of myself -- and so I'll leave it at that for now. :))
@comfortingmusician08
Thanks for your response, comfortingmusician. I really appreciate your sharing whatever your perspective is, and I'm not going to judge you as a fool for having an opinion. I do respect whatever is your comfort level is in sharing, though.
By the way... I think it's really amazing that you majored in french horn! That gives new meaning to your username. I wish we could all hear you play!
Best-
Sophia
@JustSophia
I'm not very active these days but it was a major part of my past. When the time is right, I may figure out a way to share a recording, or several. :)
@JustSophia
I mostly just come here to give support to others or just hang out. I don't really share much about my own life here anymore.
Something that makes me want to avoid coming here is when I get ignored or dismissed. Sometimes it's also just too overwhelming or triggering so I'll leave for a while.
@IzzyGamer
I mostly just come here to give support to others or just hang out. I don't really share much about my own life here anymore.
Something that makes me want to avoid coming here is when I get ignored or dismissed. Sometimes it's also just too overwhelming or triggering so I'll leave for a while.
Thanks so much for sharing, Izzy. For my part, I do appreciate hearing from you - even if it took me a while to say it. I'm sorry for that. I wonder if response time is one thing that feeds your feeling ignored. It's okay to say so if that's the case. I totally get how that might feel like your thoughts don't matter. Do you feel comfortable sharing any more about it?
Glad you respect yourself in taking a break when you need to, and I appreciate that your positive experiences are enough to keep you coming back. I would be interested in hearing what people can do to help you feel more comfortable and accepted.
@JustSophia
I think it kind of depends, in forums I don't mind when someone has a long response time, I can understand if someone is slow to respond bc they were busy, or forgot to reply, or just whatever the reason. Listeners tho, I usually end up getting ghosted whenever I try so I kinda just gave up with listeners. in group rooms I usually feels ignored, theres so many cliques, ppl breaking rules, and its triggering. And it also just doesent feel the same anymore bc a lot of my freinds arent really around anymore. so i just stopped going into group rooms as much.
I don't really know what would help me feel more accepted tbh, dont really feel safe or like I belong here anyways.
@JustSophia
Hello JustSophia,
This is an interesting post, one that makes a person reflect on their "reasoning" and on their own needs for self-care. An invaluable tool in any arsenal when a person is struggling.
For myself;
When you come here, what are you looking for?
ANS: Many different things depending on the day, time, conditions, thought processes and problems. Most of the time I come here as a member to be available to support other members. I come here as a "Listener" (my other role here) to be available to people who are reaching out for support via the 'Chat' channel. At still other times I come to share when I am burdened and find someone to give me a different perspective, possibly a more positive one, that I can't bring to mind at that moment.
What helps you find that?
ANS: The "Support" circles, the "Listener Support Room", posts in the General Support forum, 1-on-1 Chat and, promise you won't laugh? Noni, the A.I. Chatbot - Yes, I know Noni is just a highly responsive algorithm program that recognises certain words and phrases and builds queries based on those but there is something oddly comforting about it.
What feels overwhelming to you?
ANS: In general, out here in the "real world", life, just life sometimes. In here, in 7 Cups I would have to say nothing.
What
makes you want to avoid (even if temporarily) a forum or chat or even
the site itself? (Again... be respectful! Own your own personal
experience. Generalizations aren't fair.)
ANS: I never want to avoid the site, I can help people here, support them, show care. I feel good when I help people. As for avoiding particular forums, well, if I have no knowledge, or experience, of the subject shown in the descriptor of the forum I wouldn't disrespect the members there by entering with nothing to contribute.
What does help you or would help you?
ANS: What does help me is my mental health care team, my wife and 7 Cups of Tea. What would help me further? I haven't discovered that yet.
