is it weird if i don't show up in a group chat for a really long time?
because i feel anxious to even read their chats. to see how they're so chatty when i don't show up but very quiet when i was active chatting in that group?
the last time, they ignored me for around 15 days. not wishing me anything on my day(yes that's a big deal for a nobody like me). they're my long time friends but now i feel like i don't belong to that friend group at all.
@hopefulencounter
You need to do what feels safe for you 💛
You don't deserve to be ignored.
And friends don't forget a birthday 💛
@Amanda84 thank you Amanda
i'm really sad because i know them since a long time ago in school but now it feels weird to talk to them 😞 it's been 2 days and i still don't read their chats
@hopefulencounter No, it completly your choice to not want to show up to a chat especially after how you feel you're being treated. You're completly valid to want to not chat with them. I cannot give you advice regarding what to do as I dont know the complete story but their actions are negatively effecting you that's not okay. I hope you find better friends because, in my opinion, the amount of time you've been friends does not matter but how they treat you and respect you does.
@utopianpixie213 i agree, i guess it's because i have no stories to tell and then now i become boring to them. life changes but i'm still stuck to the past
@hopefulencounter
Yes, it is quite rough to hear.
As someone who has experienced that, my conclusions were. That they truly do mean well and try to care. But they themselves have a LOT going on in their own lives that they just forget about details and need to be reminded. They are good people, and I don't know enough about your friends to say if this applies or not, but I try to have faith in people more often, so I don't turn away those who are genuinely good people. When people ignore, it usually comes from a place (imo) of being too busy, forgetful or just people being tired of living life.
If group chats make you anxious, how does messaging them individually feel?
I hope you don't dwell too much on this. Please, take care of yourself.
@GoodMellow individually will only make me feel more anxious. i honestly feel like i'm weird if compared to them, they often traveled to other countries while i'm not. they only read my chat(left on seen) or not open the gc at all when i was the one sharing something
@hopefulencounter
It is awful to be excluded, and I understand your frustration there. I believe people don't invite people to things because of multiple reasons, note I am not saying this to defend their actions. I think you are believing it has something to do with you? When it could be a plethora of things (they got too busy or they assumed you were too busy which is why you don't message).
I don't think dwelling on it over and over again is good for your health especially if you have anxiety. Being alone with your thoughts is the worst thing to do, and I understand needing to talk with them about it WILL be absolutely scary. But remember you don't have to come off as accusatory or scary yourself. You can simply open up with asking something simple like asking how their day was.
People are more trustworthy than we give them credit (or a lack thereof) for and people are deserving of more faith. If you were long time friends, then simply greeting them shouldn't be a problem. If you feel it needs to be brought up, then just say you haven't been in the gc for a bit because you struggle to keep up regularly. And if the unfortunate thing was to happen when they ghost you or don't respond, then you can reevaluate your situation.
I am telling this to you with genuine care for your circumstance, until something happens, you will keep sinking into a cycle of critical thinking; about whether your friends are truly friends or not and eventually it will hurt you more than it needs to. I understand it feels safer to think on it yourself however without any outside perspective (granted I am glad you brought it here, but we can only say so much given we aren't directly involved). You won't be able to properly resolve the issue you are having.
Take care of yourself and I hope you are able to find a solution to the situation you are facing.
@GoodMellow yes i think it has something to do with me. Why i stop talking to them because it's not fun anymorr, they either gossip about other people or flex about them going to other countries honestly i have nothinh to flex about i dont have gossip i feel sad
it's been 5 days since their last chat
i'm avoidant now ;(
@hopefulencounter
I commend you for wanting to be the bigger person and continue life without them. It might take a bit, but if you believe that being around them is toxic. Then I am glad you are making the right decision for yourself.
@hopefulencounter
look I have multiple big gcs and in most of them sometimes someone will just leave for like 2 weeks and we never ever get upset about it. they might get a but worried (depends on the friends) but you should do what feels right or even text one of the people in the chat and tell them
@PicklesANDOcean4ever i'm too scared to be ignored again, i feel like they dislike me now. they're chatty when i wasn't active chatting, but when i sent something they replied slow, left my messages on seen, or not opening the gc at all
i'm still avoiding😞
i feel so tired to interact
@hopefulencounter
Hiii, I understand you and same thing happened to me.
I decided to leave the group, and cut ties with them. Sending you 💕 💕
@purpleCurrent5277 thought of this too, my sis told me leave the groupchat but i still can't
++update
i finally read their messages, yes they didnt ask anything at all about me they just asked each other
@hopefulencounter
Happy to hear you're taking action, hope you are able to find closure.
@hopefulencounter maybe you feeling anxious is a sign that this friend group is no longer for you?
@hopefulencounter Back then, a lot of people I called friends were, later on I realized was ones kindly bullying me :/ I was very sticky to my surroundings as a child, so considered everyone as a "friend". We sont EVER have to satisfy anyone, I am so sure you can surround yourself with people that make you feel good! Either online or in reality. Just be mindful who is not-that-person !
i'm so sorry ❤️🩹 i know the feeling. it's not pleasant and makes one feel so unwanted.
do what you know is right deep down in your heart. quantity doesn't mean quality, even in friendships.
you're not alone in this; you're so strong! 🫂💗