what's the point...
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I think I've just about given up. Tired of trying. it feels like I've just stopped caring about everything, nothing matters to me anymore. Whats the point of anything. I just feel numb, don't really feel anything atp. No one understands, no one cares. Im just a hopeless cause who should'nt even be here. I was just some stupid mistake. Why me? why now? why why why. I could ask a million questions but only end up more and more confused. They say time heals everything... but nothing will heal if I cant escape the source of my pain. There's nothing I can do. I can't be fixed if I'm already beyond repair. This was all my fault, I wish I could go back and undo everything. I cant keep living like this. Nothing feels real, nothing makes sense. idk what Im doing, and I probably never will.
@IzzyGamer
🥺
I wish you could change the source of this pain.
I wish you could go back in time and do things differently.
I know when people say time fixes everything, you feel like it doesn't because it's still unrelenting.
But I want you to know, I do care and if I could make you feel wanted and heard, I would 💜💕
@Amanda84
Thanks, I appreciate it. 🫂
It's been about a year and somehow everything just spiraled into this mess? Idk anymore, I give up.
What’s atp?
@Phylomena
It means, at this point.
How can we help?
@Phylomena
I don't really know, to be honest.
Well what do you want to achieve?
@Phylomena
Don't really know either, everythings just really confusing right now, I'm just trying to get through each day.
What’s been happening?
@Phylomena
Sorry, I completely forgot to respond to this. 🫠
I've just been really stressed and overwhelmed mostly and a lot of other things, but I'd rather not go into detail rn. It's also just a lot to explain too.
@IzzyGamer….. most of us have felt the way you do. Somehow we stuck thru the mind blowing pain, the never ending struggle and the war within our hearts and mind. And as we got through it, we found a little light. That light wanted to show us life, and the goodness it could bring us- if we allowed it to. So we go towards that little light, sometimes we shrink away from it too. But the more we go towards it the he brighter it becomes. And we see how much better our life can be.
Maybe you can think of something like this as you find your way. You are so worth it! The light will shine brighter for you, if you want it to, just try to open your eyes a little tiny bit!
@decisiveHuman7373
Thanks, I appreciate that. I'm trying i guess.
Same let's feel alone together them
I can imagine what you are going through. Went through this situation, it feels like it can never get right again. But trust me it will. And you will be glad it happened the way it happened. Just a little more patience and you will be fine. Everything is gonna come back together. Just hold on when the time is tough. Don’t give up. **virtual hugs*
@blueCurrent03
Thanks, I think I know I'll be okay, that's what I keep telling myself at least.
@IzzyGamer that’s so real bro, I’m tired asf and school is killing me. It’s okay twin, we got this
I gave up too, i don't understand why evrything is the way it is, why not the other way, there's just suffering all around, there's no goodness (morality) like honesty, non violence, Truth etc. just ego, falseness, judgment, comparison, etc everywhere. What's the point of anything? I am nothing more than matter, it's just i got Conscious accidentally, trapped in my own thoughts, never breaking free, reminding me I am nothing more than just a complex system of matter. Yes i understand you, nobody understands and nobody cares, many just pretend to, they are like "i understand" and all the bs. but they never doo, they never, not family, not friends, not people, nobody does. I too do nothing but always think and remain depressed. Nothing is real, then how could one feel real? Evrything feels illusinoary.
I've lost hope in everything including myself. *** Damn reality but i wouldn't sacrifice myself for illusions, i won't give you fake hopes cuz i know it will never get off, the only thing that you could do to be better is ignore, now it's upto you whether you go with what is or ignore it all.
@INFexistence000
Thanks for reading.
You actually kinda put some of what I'm feeling into words, something I probably wouldn't be able to do. That's another thing I struggle with I g, trying to translate the mess in my head into words.
I assume you might be feeling lonely and might be having negativ thoughts constantly, but I would suggest you one thing, please don't let yourself act in those thoughts, i am not giving hope, i am just telling that we don't know what happens next, so it's better to go with what it is rather than acting on such thoughts, tho it's diffucult due to bodily Mechanisms, we don't know with what degree you are feeling, we know it's high but in "high" too, it's classified. soo that's all I wanted to say
@INFexistence000
Yeah I guess I kinda of am. But I'm not giving up, not yet.
Good to know that, i sometimes feel special too (idk if this is egoistic or not, unable to identify). cuz everybody feels it at one point and not everybody feels it very deeply, in that, not everybody understands and this goes on.. btw i really love your PFP, cuz i love space.
@INFexistence000
Thank you, I've kinda always loved space things too.
You don't have to achieve anything tot prove your worth or validate your existence. Find the reason for your life like finding the reason to wake up in the morning or the reason to live like finding God (for me it is the God of MCGI). You feel like you're "beyond repair" but that is just a feeling. It is not an accurate assessment of your current state and capabilities. Instead of feeling pressured to live a life that others have why not go for a life that is neutral? Like instead of body positivity why not body neutrality? instead of a happy life why not a life where you are just content? Like instead of "I wish I was..." "If only I wasn't so..." why not just look at it and go "meh"
Allow yourself to rest. You probably have an emotional fatigue in caring about multiple things and various things at once at the same time. And fatigue or burn out cant be a joke. It takes a toll on you. Your body keeps score. And if you seek someone to care, well, I care. I choose to, at least.
What made you conclude you are "beyond repair"? What needs to be "fixing"?
@VentFreely
Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.
I feel like I've kinda lost my reason for anything idk. But I also just feel numb towards everything. Like I don't care about anything, I don't care what happens.
Idk if that makes any sense actually lol.
@IzzyGamer
Hey, you may or may not remember, but awhile back you commented on one of my poems. It was about the game hollow Knight, those comments and conversations we had truly made not only one day but two different days they were the highlight. I say this to point out how even when we don't know or can't see, our actions effect every, and you can literally be the highlight of peoples days without knowing.
I say all that because knowing that despite not feeling emotions regularly I can still help good people and bring happiness or smiles. It's not a big comfort when I'm struggling to feel anything, but it can sometimes. Also I sorta get what you where saying, not knowing why we're here, almost ready to give up, all the questions asked just making more confusion. It's default and definitely not fun, and while I can answer some of these things either by logic or what I've been told, there are times when the answers I know don't feel right like my gut and chest refuse to accept.
One random thing that may help or just be confusing cuz I ramble like a a mad lad at night is. Poetry. I started writing poetry for a number of reasons that I won't get into on this post cuz I did that somewhere else. Anyways I realized after awhile that when write sometimes I would actually be exploring a question or confusion I have, rather than just trying to answer the questions, I was clarifying in my own way. When you get so lost and are asking so many questions that they end up just repeating as why why why. I tend to find that I'm aren't actually asking the questions I truly want to ask. Anyways all that to say, a creative outlet, is helping me stay afloat and try to find and figure out the questions, emotions, and world in and around me. So while it may not be poetry for you, finding way to let your unconscious write (or draw or ect I am using write as a filler cuz words are failing me) can help relieve or understand the tension (or lack of anything) inside you. Also it could be anything drawing, painting, singing, music, ect. Tho I personally recommend something physical or recorded so you can look back on it and analyze refeel, and see how you are changing.
Also might be rambling or crazy and nothing I said help, if so I am sorry for wasting time.
I truly hope things will get better for you,
@7Bear7
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Yeah, I do remember actually, and I did like talking with you. I think that was probably the highlight of my day too.
I used to write, I did do poetry and used to journal I guess and it did help, but I gave that up... I've been trying to do other things too I g to kinda to figure out how I'm feeling or organize my thoughts, or just to distract myself idk.
No, don't apologize, you didn't waste my time.