As I forgive people who wronged me
Hi:
I wanted to post in here because I didn't see any forums that revolved around forgiving others but I thought this was probably close because it's all about letting go.
One of the reasons why I have had a hard time forgiving people is that I was always worried about forgiving some people who hurt me because I was concerned about what they really thought of me and here's why.
Though this is cliche, I have decided to
- Accept that this person for who they are
- Accept that I can't change them and nor are they going to change their mind about me.
For example, I have been working to forgive a former fake friend who doesn't like me and thinks she's better than I am. However, I realize that's who she is
@Summershy
congratulations t o you if you manage to do that .... while i have forgiven many some i simply cannot let go because that is who they are because i know better ... i have seen them be better.... so i will need to work harder i guess
@toughTiger6481
Oh no, I have a ways to go in my healing journey but forgiveness doesn't mean that you go back and reconnect with the people who hurt you because they could do it all over again. Rather, it's about accepting a person(s) for who they are and why they treated you and acted in anyway they did. All the while not letting them steal your joy by letting what they did control you.
@Summershy
I have let go and it does not steal my joy but i feel bad in a way for some who settle on being a bitter person .... that is not who they were it is who they became.
I don’t want to be bitter anymore and yes I accept how she is but I am not willing to be around her or put up with her behavior
@toughTiger6481
I honestly didn't like feeling bitter when my ex-friend dumped me and showed her true colors and I didn't like feeling unforgiving toward her. Rather, I just wanted to be happy so I could move on and meet other people.
However, I think accepting who she is and that I cannot change her will help a whole lot.
@Summershy I am the person who has most wronged me. I just want it to stop.
@Screenname333I
First of all, I love your avatar name, and second, don't beat yourself up.
However, I think the best thing for both of us is to not let these people ruin our joy.
@Summershy I was just blown off by another "therapist" who makes nice money here. I have no joy to be ruined
I am so sorry and not there is nothing wrong with you, it’s clear there is someone wrong with her. If she is only out for money, then you are better off.
@Screenname333
You are better off finding a therapist who cares about you and your wellbeing.
I have had a few therapists who had their own agendas and didn't care to hear what I was going through or how deeply wounded I had just gotten by a fake friend who turned out to be a narcissistic abuser.
@Summershy Not looking anymore. Nobody understands what I go through, happened again this morning. Most human experiences are unsharable
👍
@Summershy
@Summershy
Did you do any work on forgiving yourself too? Apparently that's the trickiest part. I've been working on this stuff for decades and seem to only be getting it!
That's a best thing to ask.. :)
@Summershy
I'm so proud of you! In leadership training, a key point was, "You cannot change others, nor can they change you."
Keep up the good work--I know you got this!!
I'm happy for you. That sounds like a big accomplishment. I hope you have a good evening/day depending on what time it is when you read this. :)
