Weekly Prompt #15: How has your culture or upbringing influenced your approach to emotion regulation?
Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a good week.
In the last week, we discussed How can we build resilience and develop a more positive outlook on life, even in the face of challenging circumstances? If you haven't checked yet, please click here to add your thoughts.
This week's prompt is: How has your culture or upbringing influenced your approach to emotion regulation? Do you feel comfortable expressing your emotions in your cultural context?
Culture plays a crucial role in how we understand and regulate our emotions. As human beings, we experience a vast range of emotions. Happiness, sadness, anger, anxiety, and love are just a few of the many emotions that we encounter in our daily lives. How we regulate these emotions can have a significant impact on our mental and physical well-being. While there are cultural differences in how emotions are expressed and managed, it is important to find a balance that works for us individually. Please remember, it is okay to feel and express our emotions, and seeking support when we need it is a sign of strength.
Join us in the 24/7 General Support Group Chat to share and support each other.
@ASilentObserver
This is a topic that I don't think has enough understanding on the general population as a whole.
Culture builds lenses
Culture = Worldview
Which then leads into:
progressivism vs traditionalism
Which then leads further into "Sub-Cultures"
Sub-Cultures are the ones that define clothing trends and how short your shorts should be pleaded skirt or not. Sneakers versus dress shoes, etc
@Barltik2065
"Do you feel comfortable expressing your emotions in your cultural context?"
Here it is simple to express and share. I doubt I would ever be judged for "being me".
In the real world. Absolutely Not! I don't share my emotions. I would be judged tried and burned to the steak.
@Barltik2065 I totally get how sharing certain emotions with others can sometimes bring judgment. Feeling unable to fully express yourself must be difficult at times. But please know your feelings are valid and understandable. We are all here with you to listen to and support and I am glad you feel comfortable sharing here. We are glad to have you here with us
@Barltik2065 I appreciate we are discussing this complex topic. I agree with you that how culture can build lenses and differentiate the way we view things. How does reflecting on these cultural differences and sub-cultures make you feel?
@ASilentObserver
How has your culture or upbringing influenced your approach to emotion regulation? Do you feel comfortable expressing your emotions in your cultural context?
First let me say that I get confused with what is an emotion and what is a feeling.
One of my parents was a mean alcoholic and the other was a mental manipulator. That taught me to keep all my feelings and/or emotions inside.
The culture in the US is terrible as far as racism goes. I am very afraid to express myself in terms of racism/how we each are treated. I'm not even comfortable speaking openly about the subject here.
@purpleTree4652
" I get confused with what is an emotion and what is a feeling"
I get you!! There so many things as such as this that doesn't make sense.
Now, Feelings are from our reasoning (Spouse, Significant other, Child, etc)
Emotions are instant like from movies (Jokes, Romcom, Horror, etc)
Now I am not going to say they are logical though.
@Barltik2065
I'm not sure why you're responding to me.
@purpleTree4652
Just sharing in relation with your post :)
I think emotion is what we label the feeling with.. Emotion: Happy.. Feeling: heart racing, smiling face, feel warm, excited, etc.. Emotion: Sad.. Feeling: heavy-hearted, teary, negative vibe..etc
@purpleTree4652
@Jaeteuk
I'm not sure why you're responding to me.
Because you mentioned the confusion between emotion and feeling.. so, I thought I could provide my understanding of the differences. Sorry if your earlier reply wasn't actually looking for an answer, and if you feel I'm just being pointless or shouldn't have commented about it, I apologize.
@Jaeteuk
thank you
@purpleTree4652 I'm sorry to hear of the difficult upbringing and culture you've experienced. Expressing ourselves freely can be challenging when we've had to keep feelings inside for so long.
@ASilentObserver
very numbed down feelings and/or emotions.
That is not an easy question to answer... My upbringing did influence me indirectly, in that I eventually learned from my mother what not to do. She wasn't a bad person, but she tended to think with her emotions instead of using her reasoning. (Once I'd became an adult & had enough conversations with her, I realized that it was because my mother didn't have much reasoning ability. Basically, she wasn't very bright) As a result, my mother was impulsive at times & reacted to situations instead of responding to them.
After watching her absurdities while growing up & going through the early part of my life, I figured it out.
Yes, we should express our emotions instead of keeping them bottled up inside. But there's a time & place for that kinda thing, you know? Also, while emotions are a basic part of what makes us human, they are lousy thinking tools. When something happens it's usually better to "step back" & ask the important questions, like "is there any reason to take this personally" or maybe "what can I learn from this experience", etc.
@slowdecline48 It sounds like reflecting on your mother's approach has helped shape your own thinking. What kinds of lessons has this taught you about handling difficult situations?
@ASilentObserver
That could be a long answer but to keep it short, when it comes to most "difficult situations" I find the best approach is to keep your head screwed on, for a start. You may be upset; you may feel angry or shocked, etc. Such emotions are natural to have. But reacting out of pure emotion is never a good idea. Stay cool & keep focused. In some cases you may have to act quickly, even without much conscious thought...but not thinking is not the same as not knowing. And when you fly off the handle in the heat of the moment, whatever knowledge & savvy you have leaves you until you calm down.
The above is one thing I learned from a few experiences in my life. I will not recount those experiences here as at least a couple of them (& probably more) would likely trigger a few readers here.
@slowdecline48 I understand and thank you for sharing Slow. It sounds like you have learned some valuable lessons through difficult experiences. Staying calm and thinking things through before reacting seems wise. How have you been able to apply this approach even when emotions are high? I can understand how keeping a level head could make a world of difference
@ASilentObserver It's not easy to do but more than anything, it is a matter of will. If you know that you can stay focused & that you must stay focused, then you'll probably pull it off!
@slowdecline48 I agree with you. Willpower and focus are important factors.
I think my parents came from backgrounds where emotions were not brought up or were seen as negative (“you’re overreacting”, “stop making a scene” etc.) So it made me think I was always too much in relationships for a long time. I now know my emotions are not too big. They’re normal and reasonable and deserve to be heard. 🩷
@mariposa5437 I'm glad you've come to realize that your emotions are valid and deserve to be heard. How does that awareness make you feel? You're on an important journey of self discovery.
@ASilentObserver
Emotional Regulation is not something that is taught where i come from. First time I have heard of it was here.
Hello, Obs.
I don't want to represent the entire Chinese culture, but I think it's safe to say, that in the older generations, the majority of people are often not taught about what emotion is. Let alone, how it should be regulated. A lot of the times, it is treated like the plaque. No one speaks of it, and if it is brought to the surface, people are ignored/brushed off, or stay away from that person as if they are crazy. Often, negative emotions are the ones that are ignored.
Nowadays, depending on where we live or have immigrated to, the community around us will play a role in teaching us what emotion is, and how it can be regulated. Also, it depends on whether or not we have kept the traditional ways of our parents in our everyday lives, or if we've weaved into the culture that we're living in and learned to accept emotion in a different perspective. While we may still be influenced by our parents through our growth/childhood, but we also have better resources available for us to seek our own answers.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk Navigating the different views on expressing emotions can be complex. Feeling frustrated that past generations had more difficulty openly sharing feelings is understandable. What feelings come to mind as you think about regulating emotions in the older generations versus nowadays?
I think back in the days, for the older generations in their time, many are not well-educated. At least, when I look at my parents generation, not many families are able to afford their children to study abroad or even finish high school. So, I think that back then, then don't know how to regulate their emotions, and are probably told that expressing emotions is what weaklings will do. With my parents, they seem to have had a good life, good career, good friends, getting along with all their siblings.
I think that there wasn't much change with regulating their emotions until we immigrated to Canada. Living in a different country, blending into the Western culture, and as they learned the ways of survival here, they also became more curious in exploring their emotions and how it can be regulated. So, in my generation, as their child, being able to study and have our schooling here, we've learned much more about our emotions and feelings, how they can be expressed, or experience ourselves what happens if they are suppressed. The things that we learn can be shared with our parents, but the older they get, the more stubborn they become. So, it's difficult to change their ways of thinking, and they don't admit that there's a better way to express.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk I agree with you navigating these differences in perspectives and ways of expressing emotions between generations can be challenging at times.
@ASilentObserver There is a silent, unspoken rule that feelings aren't meant to be shared unless one is an adult and even then, feelings should be respectful to older generations. This as a teenager was really harmful on my mental health and my ability to regulate my emotions. Thankfully, I unlearned a lot of the negative things within my culture and learned to emotionally regulate my feelings in much healthier ways
@MindfulMomo It's understandable how frustrating it must have been to have your emotions disregarded as a teenager. I can only imagine how isolating that felt at times. You're perfectly right that learning healthier ways to understand and express your feelings has been beneficial. I'm glad that we are discussing.
@ASilentObserver Whenever i hear of the word "prompt" , i think it's from ChatGPT lol
@secretVase857 lol vase. here it means our discussion and for that a question on the topic that prompt us to think about it and share our emotions and experiences related to it, to share, to learn and to seek support from each other.
I would say Perfectionism is a silent almost ghost reason for most of the sufferings in the name of passive aggressive behaviours I'm monitoring. Not being able to know how to make space for feelings, our own feelings.
@WavesandSea Your thoughts on perfectionism and its impact resonate deeply. What feelings come up for you when you think about making space for them? You're not alone in navigating this.
@ASilentObserver
Temper and perfectionism has likely played a role in my ability to regulate my emotions, that and Bipolar mood disruptions.
@nongelic thank you for opening up and sharing your experiences with us. That sounds like a challenging situation. How has managing your emotions been for you lately?