How would you define masculinity?

@Amanda84

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@Amanda84

I am afraid that asking such question you might have put a stick into an anthill, My Friend 😊 

I cannot resist the impression all the stereotypes you mentioned are rather harmful imaginations than anything really true:

"Men don't cry!"

"Men don't show weakness!

"Men hide emotions."

This might be true only for weak men because, actually, showing your vulnerability takes more strength than claiming that you are like a stone, distant, cold, indifferent, careless and not emotionally engaged.

BTW, does "like a stone" also mean: harsh, abrasive, inflexible, immovable, no thought, no brains, no feelings and difficult to bear?

"Men provide."

No. How can a man provide in the job market that is equal for men and women, and is shrinking? There are not millions of vacancies for highly-paid managers (and if they were, women would certainly take half of them), and the middle class is slated for extinction...

"Men protect."

No, as well. It is seems that nobody needs to be protected by men now. Kids, elderly or disabled people, cats or dogs—maybe they still need a man's protection. But women? Nooo... (at least that is what they claim).

Moreover, there is a big problem, I think, with discerning various shades of male physical power. If a man is battering his wife, it's a shame for him and it's the worst form of aggression. But if she walks through the street and is attacked—he must use some aggression against the attacker, to protect her from being hurt. But still there are some ladies who—in such a situation—yell: "Oh! You are aggressive! I don't wanna know you any more!".

I think that what is being a man strongly needs redefining, because the definition you quoted sounds ancient and is no longer valid today.

Men do need to have to be a tad like stones nowadays. But like stones that have feelings and thoughts, like stones that go on despite being unjustifiedly hurt and disdained many times. But still like stones because there is a plenty of vicious storms now, with a lot of mistrust between genders and classes, war, unrest and deepening social inequalities.

And AI-steered humanoids becoming a part of our society quite soon, including not only AI workers, but also AI companions and AI lovers, can make this picture even more complicated.

@Amanda84 On the most basic level I'd say the natural urges inherit within the gender. Guys like war, to hunt, sex, to succeed, to win. On the emotional level it strongly depends on the individual. Some I know are quite emotional some totally without, some hide emotion, fewer are open. But in general the more a man is openly emotional the less hes precised as being manly. As for societies view, frankly f--- society. Society is ever changing, fickle, cross opinionated, and hypocritical - ergo its totally unreliable to judge anything. Masculinity is a pure reflection of the mans 'time' his development years, each generation is self defined. You can't compare a 50 year old man to a 20 year old. For this question there's simply too many factors involved to formulate it. Sorry if I got all scientific on ya, I think too much about everything lol. 

I define masculinity by being who you want to be and not caring what others think.

So I if you want to show emotions then do.

Be your best self and don't let people or society change you.

You know, today in my country, just about 100 from the place I am living in, there was a border incident with some military drones sent by one of our unfriendly countries towards another. My ex partner has called me in the morning, quite panicked about imminent war, and I must have soothed her.

I think that being a man is being still standing, and relatively calm, even if the world would be falling apart.

My grandfather was an infantry soldier in WWII. I think he taught me more about being a man than my father did. Maybe he appeared as not very emotional, but we, the kids in the family, were quite easy to see his kindheartedness behind his posture.

I can give a sociological perspective on this issue.

From ancient times, most if not all societies were patriarchal in nature, where men were the bread winners. Women, on the other hand catered to household affairs.

Men were seen as the guardian of their houses. While women were seen as the precious beings whose, honour was very important.

If their honour was defiled by someone, even through a voluntary intimacy, without the permission of the man in the house, it was considered an upfront of highest degree.

So, men and women developed different social roles. With such roles, came the stereotypes and expected social behavior.

Even today, in tribal communities, you can observe this phenomenon. For example, honour ki lling.

The traits you mentioned, although exaggerated, are this behavior of men, that society demands from them.

Nowadays, with more emphasis on gender equality, we are having these sort of discussions. We are dismentaling such social roles.

I don't know what psychology or biology play a role on this, exactly, but I think they might also be involved.

@Amanda84

I’ve always felt like masculinity gets boxed into a really narrow definition. Growing up, I heard the same lines said to my friends, 

Don’t cry, don’t show weakness, just “be tough.” But honestly, that never sat right with me. To me, masculinity isn’t about shutting feelings down, it’s about owning them while still showing up for yourself and the people you care about. Strength isn’t just lifting heavy things or hiding pain 

Ssometimes it’s being vulnerable enough to admit you’re hurting.

I have lived most of my life disconnected from society so i dont understand this norm

And here's the harsh reality - if women don't start treating men differently, this will never change. So long as you tie a man's worth to what they do for you ... men will continue to operate I the way you've trained them.