Things People Who Don’t Have Kids Wish You Knew
If this is part of your life story, please share your insights! What would you like the rest of us to learn? What should we know about people in this community? How would you like people to interact with you? Should people ask questions? What’s the best way for people to learn about this? Do you have any resources (books, movies, YT videos, etc) that will give us greater understanding and empathy and kindness toward people who experience the same things you do?
If you’re not on this journey, we welcome you to listen, learn, and ask respectful, good-faith questions! Open-ended questions are highly encouraged, as they give people the space to share their unique experiences in their own words. While this is a safe space to learn about things you’ve never experienced, please remember to be sensitive, and avoid sharing harmful stereotypes or debating someone's lived reality. If you have a question, ask it with empathy. If someone gently corrects you, please be open to learning. Let's have a gentle, fun, friendly conversation where we support one another, because it takes all sorts to make a world!
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I’m adding a taglist to start, but this post is open to absolutely everyone! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 thanks for tagging me 💗
@jesusredeemedme2425
That we dont feel inferior.
It's not because we are lacking.
It's personal.
We don't wish to be looked at as if our lives are over and have no meaning.
We don't need sympathy.
We don't need people thinking it's their place to be kind oh, at your age why do you not have kids!
We don't appreciate it when people say, but women are put on this earth to have kids.
We might not even be able to have kids, and yet people prod and pry! 💙
@Amanda84 Thank you for sharing 💝🥰
@Amanda84
but women are put on this earth to have kids
This is so shameful. I don't understand why the worth of a woman has to be reduced to child bearing. There's so much more they have to them.
YES THIS! I was thinking that when she wrote that…
I get time to play video games. 😁 I'm generally flexible on my schedule when people want to hang out. I sometimes have extra money to invest in things or go do fun things with.
And, it's not lonely or unfulfilling. Though I do love being a pet dad. Ultimately, it helps me on the path to being a lifelong learner. I don't dislike kids though. In another life I might've loved to be a dad.
I’m fine if people ask questions.
The answer is I don’t want my own kids, and on top of that I’ve never dated anyway.
@GreenLime3141
People should learn to respect personal choices and mind their own business.
Childfree by choice checking in here.
I’m fortunate that most of the people in my life are understanding about it and don’t pressure me. I wish that could be true for everybody who is on this path, whether by choice like me or whether they want kids and can’t have them for one reason or another.
Things I wish were more understood about childfree folks though…?
There are a million reasons someone might not want kids. I personally don’t mind being open about it, but not everyone is like that. It can be super private and personal for some.
Most of the possible reasons someone might not want kids apply to me in one way or another, so I’ll just list a handful of my top ones:
* My preferred level of responsibility for a living thing is pets. My cats are easy to care for and give a lot of love back in return, and I’m very content with that.
* I only want to have to worry about myself and my partner long-term when it comes to career and finance choices. Not having to provide for kids also frees us up financially and time-wise to travel, pursue hobbies, etc.
* Family history of physical and mental health issues that would be bad to pass on. Also on the mental health side, I’m not consistent enough in taking care of myself to bring another human into it.
* Tokophobia (phobia of pregnancy)/gender dysphoria factor into my choice also.
Contrary to popular belief, not all childfree people hate children. I don’t mind spending time with them especially once they’re old enough to have some personality and interests, and to not be covered in sticky messes or need any help with bathroom functions. 😅 I joke that “I like kids as long as I can give them back,” because hanging out with my friends’ kids in small doses is a very different thing to caring for them 24/7.
I have served many purposes in this life. Friend, provider, defender, creator, helper, supporter, teacher, student, explorer, and more. I love those who have different purposes. It takes all kinds. I know being a mother is not one of the purposes I need to fulfill to have a full life. If that makes sense. I respect those who know what they want, and make it happen. I love kids. I just know I am not destined to be a mom, and that's cool with me! And all those who decide to have kids have my respect.
I don't think I ever wanted kids. All around me teens were popping them out and aging 10 years. I feel like a big immature brat myself at times. Self indulgent doing what I want to do.
And then when I got older and got sicker. I realised people weren't dependable and I didn't want to do it alone plus taking care of myself, takes all my energy.
It seems to be the most important question......Are you still single? Do you have a family?
Being independent is enough for me. All I need is my writing and that gives me meaning :) Also I couldn't stand how people desperately latched onto others because they didn't want to figure out their own needs.
I never wanted to use someone or be used out of loneliness or boredom and then be stuck.
I always get a similar question… Do you have a boyfriend? Like… why is this such a big deal? Lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 Exactly, asked me about what matters, what my interests are, what makes me happy..... Something I don't mind being asked, ugh.. lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
And when they assume you've had multiple boyfriends like how come? What's the basis of your stupid assumption lol?
It’s important for people to understand that for some of us, not having children isn't a 'choice' or a 'lifestyle preference'—it’s a deep, personal ache. The uncertainty of whether I’ll ever be a parent is incredibly painful. When I look at it from a purely biological standpoint, I struggle with the feeling that I'm missing out on a fundamental purpose of existence, and that weight can be hard to carry.