Day 3: Unlearning With Kindness
Hey hey lovely people, if you’ve been following the Love Month Celebration series, welcome backkkk to Day 3. 💖
After being honest with ourselves (Day 1) and spending time getting to know ourselves better and learning our language (Day 2), it feels only natural to pause and look at something important today.
From your responses so far, I noticed something, unfortunately a lot of the things we feel are true for us and the ways we treat ourselves didn’t really come from who we truly are. 👀 They came from what we learned growing up. From expectations, comparisons, survival, pressure, and sometimes pain. The conditioning we’ve received and the environment we’ve lived in.
So today is not about “fixing” yourself. It’s about noticing what you’ve been carrying that was never fully yours to begin with.
Many of us walk around with invisible rules like: “I should be doing more by now” or “I’m falling behind” or “Other people handle this better than me” or “If I’m struggling, it must mean I’m failing.”
These beliefs often feel like facts. But most of them are learned fallacies, not truths and certainly not your “definite-reality”.
Far more important than the things we learn in life is to recognise what no longer serve us well and “unlearn” what we’ve been fed so far.
Unlearning doesn’t mean erasing your past or blaming anyone (we can sometimes xD and it’s human of us to 👀). It means gently questioning whether the way you speak to yourself is still fair, or if it’s just familiar.
Kindness comes in when we stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “Where did I learn to believe this about myself?”
Yall know the drill by now? :P We ask ourselves questions and reflect on what thoughts and emotions come up. Sooo when you feel ready, you can pick any and all to share:
❤️🩹 What belief about myself feels heavy or unfair to me?
❤️🩹 Where did I first learn this rule or expectation (for myself)?
❤️🩹 Who would I actually be without this pressure?
❤️🩹 How do I usually talk to myself when I feel I’m not doing enough?
❤️🩹 What would a kinder, more honest conversation sound like instead?
❤️🩹 What’s an unnecessary belief i am releasing today?
These take you closer to wayyyy back in life when you were still learning to form your identity and shaping beliefs, and this one’s heavierrr i know and can sense overwhelm flowing. Soooo before or after you’ve reflected/ journaled/ shared, here’s a small grounding pause to try for a minute or two:
Place one hand on your chest or other arm. Take a slow breath in. As you breathe out, quietly say to yourself: “I’m allowed to unlearn this (you can also speak out loud the exact belief you’re unlearning/ releasing) at my own pace.”
Noo forcing. Noo correcting. Just letting this reminder to self sit. Unlearning is not instant, we know that. And kindness doesn’t always feel natural at first.
However sometimes kindness looks like pausing before criticising yourself. Sometimes it’s choosing not to pile on when you’re already tired. (Also the times when you acknowledge that you’re really tired) Sometimes it’s simply saying, “This makes sense to me and it matters,” instead of “Why am I like this?” Or “i hate this about me” etc.
You’re nottt behind. You’re nottt broken for needing time. And you don’t have to punish yourself for being a certain way in the past or fight yourself to grow. Unlearning with kindness is just choosing, again and again, to stop being at war with yourself. Even noticing these patterns today is enough, it seriously makes way more of a difference than what we may realise. 💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
I just want to start by saying, I love when there are series on cups like this. I find it extremely helpful and something to dive in to. Thank you for taking the time to put this one together. I appreciate your efforts ❤️
❤️🩹 What belief about myself feels heavy or unfair to me?
- It feels heavy and unfair to carry that I’m a burden to others. That I should be more independent with problem solving and getting through life’s challenges. The way I don’t feel good enough inside and outside.
❤️🩹 Where did I first learn this rule or expectation (for myself)?
- I believe this was a core memory from growing up. I often felt I was judged on my appearance in school. My parent didn’t always compliment but, criticized. Not someone I could go and talk to when I needed a mom the most.
❤️🩹 Who would I actually be without this pressure?
Wow! guess my mind would be quieter. My body would be more relaxed. I’d allow room for decisions and mistakes. Both would be ok. I’d allow myself to feel what I’m feeling and that would be ok. Self confidence would increase. I wouldn’t be so fearful of others opinions of me. I could do hard things and be content with myself and not look for recognition and reassurance from others.
❤️🩹 How do I usually talk to myself when I feel I’m not doing enough?
Not good—-I’d get censored for sure putting those words here.
❤️🩹 What would a kinder, more honest conversation sound like instead?
Sometimes things need to be learned at any age. That includes emotions and feelings. Seriously, look at the things you’ve done in life, accomplished, and smiled about. Please take time to look at the good.
❤️🩹 What’s an unnecessary belief i am releasing today?
I am letting go of people pleasing. Pausing before I get wrapped in a thought.
@peachThinker662 You carry so much strength<3
@BlueDarkAurora 
@peachThinker662
Hi hi Peachyyy, just getting around to reply to this but I can’t tell you how much this warmed my heart! Thank youuuu so much for saying that, it genuinely means a lot to know the series feels helpful and worth engaging with. I really appreciate you taking the time to reflect and share so openly here. 🥹💖
The belief you mentioned about being a burden is such a heavy one to carry, and unfortunately it’s also a very common one for people who grew up feeling criticised or unsupported in moments when they needed comfort the most. Especially from our first contacts, parents, caregivers. When there’s a lack here, it really does leave an impact and I feel you for this.
When those kinda harsh messages come from such early experiences, they can start to feel like facts about who we are, even though they were never truly ours to begin with. Reading your reflection about who you would be without that pressure was really powerful. The way you described a quieter mind, a more relaxed body, allowing space for mistakes, and not constantly fearing others’ opinions… that already shows such deep awareness of what you actually need and deserve. That version of you isn’t imaginary or far away, it’s the part of you that’s slowly making room for itself as you question these old beliefs. You’re doing so so so much better than you may realise.
Haha I get it about the potential censoring of the inner dialog (‘: it’s a start to acknowledge that it’s not a kind one but I also reallyyyy appreciated the kinder reminder you sharedd that things can be learned at any age, including emotions, is such an important one. Growth doesn’t come with an expiration date, and the fact that you’re reflecting on these things now already says a lot about your willingness to care for yourself differently. And letting go of people pleasing, even if it starts with simply pausing before getting wrapped up in a thought, is such a meaningful step. These shifts don’t have to be big or dramatic to matter. Sometimes awareness itself is the beginning of unlearning. Thank you again for sharing this so honestly. It takes courage to look at these beliefs and gently start loosening their hold on us. I’m incredibly proud of youuu! 🤗 💖
Love the gif, by the way. 🌼
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
I've grown up feeling and being made to feel that other people's needs are more important than mine, but I'm slowly relearning this 💚🤗
@Amanda84
Ahh my heart :/ Amanda! I feel you. Been made to feel like other people’s feelings matter more while growing up, wires our brain into thinking ours don’t, and to learn again that your feelings are important and matter too can be difficult. It takes time but it’s very much possible to slowly relearn and welcome more compassion into your life! 🫂💖
Youre allowed to take spaceee, always!
Answered the questions 🤗😁 but it’s not easy to let go of the belief “If I tell people how I am really doing, I’ll just burden them and it won’t help anyone” 😅 Learnt this from experience… 😞 but I’m on my way, being sooo much more honest than a few months ago ☺️
Also, I love this series! 💗
Hii lovelyy @Butterfly723389 I’m really glad you are participating in the series. 🤗💖
The belief you shared about feels so much relatable, and it really isn’t easy to let go of this one. I want to remind you that it didn’t come out of nowhere, when something is learned through experience, it makes complete sense why the belief feels so real.
Wanting to protect others, and yourself, from feeling like a burden is something so many of us learn quietly. The hesitation in reaching out for support or letting yourself feel needy or vulnerable with someone is soo natural I feel.
But the fact that you’re being more honest now than you were a few months ago is huuuuuge. That’s real progress, even if the belief hasn’t fully loosened yet. You’re not failing at unlearning just because it still shows up.
You’re noticing it, questioning it, and choosing honesty more often, and that matters so so so much. Thank youuu for being here and for trusting this space with your honesty, I am grateful to hear you are loving the series and hope that it’s somewhere helpful to you in loving yourself better. 🥰💖
Hiii 🤗
Yes, it is not easy, but I’m (un)learning. 👍💫
I am making huge progress the last few days, which is currently not making me feel better, but I believe it will benefit my future so I just gotta make it through 😓😉
Thank you for your kind words 💗
@Butterfly723389
I love how you acknowledged that sometimes choosing better or right for ourselves might not feel like we are choosing right or feeling better because in the moment we aren’t really feeling happy about it. But to be able to persist still knowing that it’s for the greater good and that your future self will thank your current self for having kept going despite is so so commendable.
I truly am proud of youuu! Keep going! 🤗💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you for your support! ☺️
I’ve made a lot of progress and I noticed that it’s becoming easier to open up to people :)
🤗💖
@Butterfly723389 Sooo proud of youuu and happy to be of some support! 🤗💖
@Sunshiningandsoareyou
Sorry for delay in replying, missed this somehow despite waiting for as I'm finding the series valuable thank you.
I've always felt sociably awkward from a young age, it's feeling awkward I'm letting go once and for all.
Loneliness isn't pleasant but at least I have been true to myself and can hold my head up high, the friendsships I do have are deep and meaningful.
Being diagnosed quite recently has made me more reflective, loneliness and gratitude journalling in particular has made me value day to day interactions more closely and 7 Cups has helped me accept this and myself more, I am likeable and I'm not prepared to sell myself short, just value any meaningful friendships I have got and will make in future.
@jesusredeemedme2425
You do matter as much as I do !!!
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
❤️🩹 Who would I actually be without this pressure?
@daydreammemories
Wow so well said, I relate with this and am certain more people can too.
We’ve all had our fair share of conditioning and been fed with tons of things we “should” be to be seen or valued a certain way.
I feel it’s immensely powerful to realise that when all we have is just ourselves and what our actual core looks like, instead of all the “polishing” and “branding” we experience as an inevitable progression of being a part of the functioning adult society (lol), it is what we really are and have the potential to become~ ourselves, more authentically, more unapologetically, more truthfully, just ourselves. Nothing less, nothing more. Nobody’s nothing else. Just us, just ours.
I release the belief that I have to hold it all together when all I really want to do is isolate and cry.
@TheGeminiInMe
Thats such a heavy belief you’re releasing and as someone who can resonate with the weight of holding things together while simply wanting to crumble apart and let emotions have their way (out?), I’m superrrr proud of you for letting this one go. 🫂💖 You're allowed to loosen your grip at times, it’s strong of you to as well. You’re allowed to cry and express as you feel too, it’s again incredibly strong of you.
It’s also strong of you to not care about what “strength” could look like at any given point in time. Sometimes we can simply just be and that’s more than enough too. ❤️🩹
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou Okay ;-; I answered them in my mind lol I appreciate this<3
@BlueDarkAurora Haha that counts! 💖
I believe I have to be superwoman, and do it all, and do it all pretty much now. Living up to this belief has caused me so much stress and anxiety. It even has led to a physical limitation called fnd. At this point in my life, I'm going to try to clear my schedule. I have been doing too much. As the kids have gotten older it has not gotten easier for me. I know it's March now, so I'm a little late to this, and I'm probably not answering all the questions, but thank you for the space to attempt to answer this.
@sunisshiningandsoareyou
Meanwhile, I feel that I am not a great person. No matter what I do, I don't live up to my own expectations to say the least. I need to unlearn this. As I write this I'm feeling like such a turtle for still being on day 3 in March and all. Had serious bumps in the road. I hope it's okay for me to continue to post on these topics if I am still able to find them, as I like contemplating this topic. I will try to catch up on the actual questions when I am not using a phone to do this. Thanks for this!
@sunisshiningandsoareyou
Meanwhile, I feel that I am not a great person. No matter what I do, I don't live up to my own expectations to say the least. I need to unlearn this. As I write this I'm feeling like such a turtle for still being on day 3 in March and all. Had serious bumps in the road. I hope it's okay for me to continue to post on these topics if I am still able to find them, as I like contemplating this topic. I will try to catch up on the actual questions when I am not using a phone to do this. Thanks for this!
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
This is such a beautifully reflective and colourful thread. Thank you for taking the effort to post this and to really keep people engaged in their thoughts and feelings. 🌻
