Day 1: Being True To Ourselves
If you’re following the Love Month Celebration series, I welcome you to celebrate Day 1 of the Self-Love week with me! 🥰
I feel nothing can be truly achieved without being honest to ourselves first. And taking off the delulu-gear (unfortunately, sometimes delulu is not the solulu) from our eyes.
Can’t get out of something without first even acknowledging that you’re in it.
I know “self-love” is often “sold” as something gimmicky online. Like a “quick-fix” to every problem in your life is just feeding yourself “think happy” thoughts.
It’s great if this works for someone, but I know that it doesn’t for most of us, in the longer run.
Which is why, it’s so important to remember that:
Self love doesn’t mean always seeing yourself in a positive light. It means being honest with yourself while still choosing kindness and grace.
A lot of us avoid the truth because we’re afraid we’ll judge ourselves or fall apart if we look too closely. But avoiding the truth often hurts more in the long run.
Oh and mind you, this is not about blaming yourself or fixing everything at one go. It’s about noticing what’s real inside you and letting it exist without pushing it away.
If you feel ready, sit with one or two of these and write whatever comes up:
💌 What feels unfinished or unresolved in my life right now?
💌 What emotion do I keep distracting myself from feeling?
💌 What am I pretending doesn’t affect me, even though it does?
💌 Where am I being hard on myself for something I didn’t fully choose?
💌 What do I wish someone would notice or understand about me?
For those of you who like to journal (pen/paper or through text), I’d encourage you to actually reflect on these in your own quiet corner, if sharing here feels too much. 🫂
If emotions come up, that doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It means you listened, you made an effort.
Being truthful with yourself is not self sabotage or self-criticism. It’s the beginning of self respect and self-acceptance. It’s how you start to show up for yourself. 🥰💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
The emotion I distract myself from feeling the most is wanting more.
Sometimes I'm so busy being there for others, and getting things done, that I don't have the time it space to really sit and see what I want. I also need Abit more spontaneity and fun and alot more dancing 💚🤗
@Amanda84
You're awesome, I can appreciate why you might feel that way after chatting with me in the early hours, we both should of been sleeping !!!
@RunningMachine
😂😂😂
I enjoyed our chat!
🥰
@Amanda84
Oof with how giving and loving you always are even here with everyone, I can see how you’d be lacking the time and space for acknowledging your own needs let alone catering to them. :(
It’s cool to be kind. But it’s cool-er to include yourself in the list of people you’re being kind to. 💖 And saying you deserve it, would be an absolute understatement.
Incredibly proud of you for choosing to sit and reflect on the emotion you most distract yourself from, and for acknowledging what might help in filling your cup. 🥰 Yes to loads of fun, spontaneity and dancinggg along with being as loving and considerate to yourself as you are with everyone else, Amanda. You’ve got thissss! 🤗💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
About to go into a scheduled listener chat, will sit and reflect a little later, I'm reflective by nature, too much so at times 😉
@RunningMachine Hehe that’s great actually. Hope the chat goes well. And yess, you can reflect and share if you’d like whenever. ☀️
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
My scheduled chat was great, respectful, friendly but most importantly it helps with pinpointing and discussing issues.
What emotion do I keep distracting myself from feeling?
Sadness and loneliness in equal measure, becoming acutely aware of how much I value intelligent and emotional interactions. Distractions only soften the emotion temporarily.
What am I pretending doesn’t affect me, even though it does?
I've been minimising how much PTSD affects me in the present moment, the reality is although exercise and movement has always been a big factor, it is now acting like a crutch to manage health anxiety, social awkwardness and reduce loneliness more than it is for the enjoyment of exercise alone. I'm fearful of reductions in mobility taking the empowerment I feel as I age.
@RunningMachine
So glad your chat went well, and I agree it’s helpful to be able to discuss things in a respectful and friendly space. 💛
I really appreciate the honesty and self awareness in your response here as well.
Acknowledging sadness and loneliness as emotions that you most distract yourself from takes courage. You’re rightt, distractions can soften things for a while, but they don’t replace the need entirely.
Us hoomans are said to be social beings hehe, it’s sooo natural to want connection and belongingness, especially one that feels emotionally and intellectually stimulating to you. I get how the lack of such can feel sad and discouraging. :(
About PTSD and the importance of movement in your life. It makes so much sense that something empowering can also become something you lean on for safety. That doesn’t take away from your strength at all though. It just shows how deeply you’re trying to care for yourself with the tools and means you have right now. Your fear around mobility and aging is veryyy real and veryyy human again.
PTSD isss hard to deal with/ manage, I’m really glad you held that truth with compassion towards yourself and didn’t minimize the affects here, and extremely proud of you for being honest with yourself! 💛
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Dam, didn't really i never upvoted or responded at the time, i think you know I have taken your awesome words onboard and too heart, aologies.
@RunningMachine 
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
WOW I'm about to try and get a little more sleep, that has made my day already.
In case you haven't gathered the feelings mutual, simply loving the series.
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou I just wanted to thank you! Your prompts really did it for me. Truly, reflecting on the questions and feeling my emotions. I took all that time to type out my response here just to close it out and not post. Not because I'm on a listener account. You know Desiree is going to be Desiree and I'm not afraid of being raw and sharing my feelings. But deleted what all I typed and closed it out just because letting it out already made me feel better. Even not following through sharing it publicly. Just the fact you had these prompts available for me to think. Thank you, thank you. Sometimes I don't want to think or feel. But clearly, this morning I'm emotional off your thread that can bring me to my emotions. So just letting you know I appreciate you so much, 🌞! Happy love month to you, brightest one of all. Always love for ya! 💛🧡
@YourCaringConfidant
Awww hugsss youuuu! 🫂💖
This was the entire point of these reflections (and the whole series idea actually xD to reconnect with ourselves better and also become more loving towards self along the way) and I’m soooo happy you got to sit with your emotions and feel them tooo. 🥹💖
I really get it about not wanting to think or feel stuff at times, it’s also one of the many ways our defences try to protect against us something that might not be pleasant for us to think/ feel. Our mind and body seem to be looking out for us even when it seems they aren’t or are shutting us off hehe.
You’re allowed your pace in letting yourself feel. 🤗 No pressure ever.
I’m just soo glad that the prompts helped you reconnect with your emotions today hehe and truly appreciate you sharing the experience too, Desiree, I know it can feel so unsettling and emotional but I’m super duper proud of youuu for being youu and for trying always! 🫂💖
Alwaysss love back at youuu and a vv happy love month to you too, dear one! 🥰💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou Well, you certainly accomplished what you had hoped with your post and I'm so thankful! 🤗 Tysm for your loving, thoughtful response. Xoxo.
@YourCaringConfidant
🤗💖
I’ve written down my answers in my diary ☺️, already excited for tomorrow. Excitement is an awesome feeling! 😁💞
Thank you ✨
@Butterfly723389
Aww glad you got to spend time being honest with yourself. 🥰 And yesss, excitement is a great great feeling hehe! 🤗
I wrote down my answers. This was not easy.
@reservedOwl321
Owl! 💛 I knoww this wasn’t an easy ‘exercise’. Asking ourselves stuff about us and then also honestly answering it, gosh… it really is no cakewalk. Also shows just how much this kind of a “sit with yourself” experience we needed hehe.
I am so so so proud of you for trying and for showing up for yourself, despite finding it difficult to do. 🥹
Such can often leave us overwhelmed and drained emotionally, I hope you’re being gentle with yourself and took your time letting it settle.
Here with you if you’d like to debrief more on your experience or just need some virtual company to sit with. 🤗💛
Thanks @sunishiningandsoareyou sometimes I just have a gut feeling certain things are not right, but not sure I can go there yet.
@reservedOwl321 You’re able to recognise when things don’t feel right, that’s a great start. You can dig deeper in it at your pace, always. No rush!
💌 What feels unfinished or unresolved in my life right now?
My past. My future. My anxiety. Letting go of the fear of past experiences.
💌 What emotion do I keep distracting myself from feeling?
Grief.i can’t stand the tears, it makes me feel as if im doing something incorrectly
💌 What am I pretending doesn’t affect me, even though it does?
All the changes I’ve had to undergo this past year.
💌 Where am I being hard on myself for something I didn’t fully choose?
My health. Medication changes. My looks and well my past.
💌 What do I wish someone would notice or understand about me?
That sometimes I need a hug. Sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on. I don’t mean to be childlike when I face emotions. I just haven’t fully learned how to manage them.
@peachThinker662
Peachyyy, I am soo happy to see you here 💖 and thank you for trusting this space with something so vulnerable. 🫂
I can feel how much you’ve been carrying, and how much hold your past seems to have on you, especially with grief, health changes, and everything shifting so fast around you. Feeling anxious and scared about future after your past experiences is super understandable.
Grief can be a devastating emotion to deal with. I see why you’d avoid feeling it and expressing about how you feel. What about tears make you feel like you’re doing it incorrectly? If you’re comfy sharing.🫂💖
Aw and I wanna remind you that needing comfort, a hug, or a shoulder doesn’t make you childlike. Having a need for affection and comfort only makes you hoomann.
Plus I’ve always believed that we should all actually learn from children (before they are conditioned to act a certain way to look “fine”) about feeling our feelings and voicing them out too.
Notice? A comparatively older person falling down the stairs would either get up too fast or pretend their footwear wasn’t comfortable, only to avoid getting noticed by people or feeling embarrassment for having fallen down.
On the other hand, a child would likely cry and scream on top of their lungs xD to make everyone in the room aware that they got hurt and need someone to care for them.
Oldie hooman worries more about what others will think or say or do, when they were one falling down and getting hurt. (‘: Their first instinct is pretending it didn’t hurt and getting back up to wear their brave-adult-mask again.
The child’s instinct is to cry, or call for someone, they are more concerned about getting attention and help. :) (maybe a few candiees too but that’s a different story lol)
Oldie us have a lot to learn from children, I feel. :)
Acknowledging that you’re learning to manage emotions is commendable. None of us have to be perfect at it no matter how old we get. There’s always something new to discover or deal with hehe. You’re learning how to sit with all these big ish emotions, and that takes time and gentleness, not self blame or harshness my friend, I’m really proud of you for trying and extremely glad you let yourself be this honest in your share.
Hope you were easy on yourself after sharing this. It can be overwhelming, I know. You deserve softness too. And lotsss of hugsss! 🫂💖🫂💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
i enjoyed reading your response.
My tears come from happy, sad, angry, overwhelmed. A bunch of emotions bring them on. Though I feel better after the tears flow, I’ve grown through the “don’t cry “ “things get better” it feels wrong or incorrect. Or an annoyance to others. It’s exhausting too! Nothing like a good nap after a good cry!
It feels good to get it out. To name it! I think it’s part of understanding myself. I’ve always been so focused on others. Now, I’m getting to know me 💕🥹
I would love someone to say, “lets do this together” “let me help you” and ….maybe some candies 🍬 💝
i do deserve softness with myself. Big hugsssss sunshine 💛💛💛 🫂 🫂 🫂
@peachThinker662
Yess, I find crying as a great great way to let things out. They say, sometimes when words don’t come out, tears do.
There’s all that scientific backing on why we cry and how it helps our body release. I however like to simply think of us as a cloud that’s been weighing too heavy with emotions and needs to let out in the form of rain to feel lighter and better.
Its unfortunate how incredibly common it is for people to have grown up listening to the “don’t cry” or “you’re strong, you don’t have to cry about this” platitudes, and just shows how disconnected from emotions people around us have been. How emotionally unavailable the “grown-ups” around us are.
Telling someone not to cry is easier than doing something that comforts the person who’s crying. Most people don’t know what to do. They were never taught, but they also never put in the work to notice it and make a real effort in trying otherwise. It’s a “them” problem.
To an extent, our environment, conditioning, access and survival is excusable, but there’s always a point, beyond which it’s our responsibility to act responsibly towards ourselves and those around us now, I feel.
When people choose the easier option, one that’s more convenient to them, it’s them avoiding accountability and them refusing the other person of their human-ness.
And us humans? We deserve people who remind us of our human-ness with their human-ness.
You deserve a safe space to cry or express yourself however you feel the need to.
I’m super proud of you for reconnecting with yourself, trying to unlearn what you were taught in the past, and trying to get to know yourself in a better manner.
You’re showing up for yourself, and with softness and it’s so so commendable!
Keep going, you’ve got thiss, Peach!🤗💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
I love the cloud analogy. Fits perfectly.
what you said about them not wanting to take accountability and it’s easier to just say “stop crying” rather than take a moment to talk to someone- is sooooo true!!!!!!
You’re amazing !!!
Thanks for your love and support ❤️💕❤️
@peachThinker662
Aww heheh that’s amazing to hear you resonate as well and thank youuu! You deserve all the amazingnesss! 🥰💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
💌 Where am I being hard on myself for something I didn’t fully choose?
I criticize myself quite a bit for what I feel like I am not doing enough of. I feel like I am constantly racing and losing the race. I know this isn't true and my best is absolutely good enought right now, but it's so difficult to be okay with that when I feel like I am letting people down. These are fallacies and I will use this series of yours to try to break them down this month <3
@Heather225
Soo glad you shared, H. That feeling of constantly racing and still believing you’re losing is such an exhausting place to live in, and so many people carry it quietly even. (Been there, still there ahh xD )
Being aware that these are fallacies doesn’t mean they stop hurting instantly, so I hope you’re not being too hard on yourself for still struggling with them. Feeling like you’re letting people down can make it so much more difficult to accept that your best is enough, even when you “logically” know it is. (Yikes why is being a human this tough lol🥲😭)
There’s all the self-awareness in the world yet believing in it feels like a task at times, I feel you! There are pressures and expectations you didn’t fully choose, yet you end up carrying the weight of them anyway. It’s sooo 🧢not🧢 easy!
I really admire how honestly you’re approaching this, and the fact that you want to gently break these patterns instead of punishing yourself for having them. That already is self love in practice you know?! 🥰
I’m reallyyy proud of you for walking through this series with me this month. We soooo got thisss my friend! 💖
What an amazing post!
I absolutely love it, you're so spot on!
Self-love takes time and effort, but we're all worth it.
Here's the question I chose
💌 What am I pretending doesn’t affect me, even though it does?
For me, it's my forgetfulness, or well, the not so nice add on of my ADHD.
Sometimes I feel like my mind has too much information running around in it,
and it kind of starts to lack space, so I start to forget the tasks or things that
I've planned to do, which does tend to frustrate me quite a bit.
I always do like to look at what I can do, instead of what I can't do.
It is my motto for most of the time, but I admit that this can make me feel frustrated.
Sometimes I just need to give myself the kind reminder that it is okay to take a second,
to just stop and be in the moment and allow myself to be a little forgetful as needed.
✨💙✨
@AnnaSilverberg
My sweetest SparkleAnna, I am beyond happy to see you here! 🤗 Many thanksss for being kind as ever! 🥰💖
About ADHD and the way your mind holds so much at once makes a lot of sense. Having a brain that is constantly processing, connecting, and running through information can be both a strength and something that feels overwhelming at times. Like a coin with two sides ooof!
It’s completely valid that the forgetfulness and mental overload can feel frustrating, especially when you care deeply and are genuinely tryinggg. (And we seee that you dooo)
Anna, I always admire how you choose to see the positives in everything and it’s such a “hack” to focus on what you can do rather than only on what feels difficult, while still being honest about the frustration that comes with it. That kind of awareness is not easy, and it shows a lot of self-respect.
The gentle reminder you give yourself, to pause, be in the moment, and allow a little forgetfulness when needed, honestyly feels like such a kind and realistic way of acknowledging the hooman in you and supporting yourself.
You do so so much already and brilliantly even. You’re not fighting how your brain works, you’re constantly learning how to work with it, and that in itself is a form of self-love you know?!
Thank youu again for trusting this space with something so personal. I am certain your reflection can resonate with more people than you might realise! You’re not alone in this and are alwaysss deserving of all the kind reminders in the world! Keep sparklingggg! ✨🫂💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
You are amazing as always, it's your default setting 💖
You are spot on when it comes to the ADHD mind,
the mind works so fast that sometimes I can't even keep up with it.
Thank you so much for seeing how much I care and how much I try 💖
I also do agree that it's such a great "hack" to have this mindset,
I feel like it's my way of working with myself instead of against myself.
It always helps more to work with ourselves rather than against ourselves,
and you are absolutely right, it does require a whole lot of awareness and also
willingness to accept my limits, whatever they are in the current moment.
That's a good way to self-love 💖
I always keep in mind to allow myself to "just be".
When I do that, I don't need to do anything, go anywhere or complete anything.
I simply have to exist in the moment, allowing myself to become fully aware of my surroundings,
aware of how I feel and how I am. It's basically mindfulness without the meditation part.
I'm so happy that I got to share this, and I do hope that this has helped.
Thank you for making the space where we can share, as well as giving us your warm,
kind and caring replies. They truly feel like a hug!
Keep being the amazing SparkleSun you are
✨💙✨
💌 What feels unfinished or unresolved in my life now is a delusion of being loved by someone who really doesn't love me. I experienced this before so this time I'm aware of my thoughts and feelings and did therapy as much as I can to control this, but it is not completely finished.
💌 The emotion I keep distracting myself from feeling is being neglected. I don't literally distract myself but I solve it psychologically as I can with building a solid base about my self-worth.
💌 What I'm pretending it doesn't affect me even though it does is... Nothing. I tell myself everything I feel and validate it.
💌 I am being hard on myself for something I didn't fully choose in my emotions, especially love feelings I exert for people who don't share the same feelings. I do my best to let these feelings go to feel safer and in a better mood.
💌 What I wish someone would notice or understand about me is that I'm beautiful ❤️
Helloo @sunnyStrawberries4807 lovely to meet you and thanks a lot for sharing. I can feel how much self-awareness and effort you’ve put into understanding yourself here, and that really matters. ☀️
Being aware that a feeling or attachment is rooted in a delusion or some unmet need does not mean it instantly disappears. Understandable to feel stuck in it. Awareness is a huuuge step, but emotions take their own time to catch up, especially when love and neglect are involved. It makes complete sense that it feels unfinished to you, even after seeking therapy and putting in conscious effort to disengage. Your efforts matter!
You know? It really stood out to me how clearly you recognise the feeling of being neglected and how intentionally you’re working on your self-worth instead of abandoning yourself or denying what you feel. That is not easy work. This is you choosing yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. And it’s so inspiring how you allow yourself to feel things and validate it too.
I also really appreciate how honest you are about being hard on yourself for emotions you didn’t fully choose. Feelings don’t follow logic or fairness unfortunately, and loving someone who doesn’t love us back can indeed feel painful.
Wanting safety and peace is valid, and so is needing the time to gently let go. And lastly, I’m really glad you mentioned. You do deserve to feel appreciated and called beautiful. 💛
Not just in how you look, but alsoo in how self-aware, reflective, and sincere you are with yourself. I hope you continue to notice that too, especially on days when it feels harder to believe. Thank you for trusting this space with something so real and so you! 🤗
I hope to see you in more of these posts as well, have linked three more in the main thread!
Thanks for your comment! And thanks for adding more similar threads :)
@sunnyStrawberries4807 You’re so welcome! 🥰
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
💌 What do I wish someone would notice or understand about me?
I think sometimes, i tend to focus on what others perceive of me, rather than the picture I have of myself. I try to seem perfect or sound perfect, but I wish people noticed that me is me with all my flaws and incapabilities, with all the fails and all the ups and downs in my life. And I don't need to change that to be lovable💚
@daydreammemories
I read somewhere that we can be exactly ourselves and go along dance our own rhythm, and the right ones will find us and join us naturally.
The truest of bonds are between people where we don’t have to wear masks or endlessly perform to be seen a certain way. And yesss, you too deserve to feel accepted and loved exactly as your not-perfect hooman self.
It’s also cool (errrr actually) to begin doing it for yourself first, to be more accepting of the quirks that make you you and the nuance that reminds you that you are a hooman too, loving yourself for exactly it. 🤗💚
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Well said! Thank you sunny🫂💚
