Weekly Prompt #11: How has coping with loss impacted the moments you value most in life?
Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a good week.
In the last week, we discussed How would focusing on your strengths and accomplishments make you feel? If you haven't checked yet, please click here to add your thoughts.
This week's prompt is: How has coping with loss impacted the moments you value most in life?
Let's take a moment to reflect and share grief and loss and their impact on the moments one used to value most in life. Please share what you feel comfortable to share. No rush. We are all here with you to listen to, discuss and support.
Suggested thread to check
- If you are a healthcare worker, introduce yourself here
- If you are a Veteran, please introduce yourself here with us <3
Join the General Support Group Chat to share and discuss more!
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
Are these prompts only for healthcare workers and/or veterans?
@purpleTree4652
I think there are special threads for them.
I perceive this is for all and any
@Barltik2065
Thanks, 2065.
@Barltik2065 yes barltik, it is for all
@purpleTree4652 this is for all. Purple.
@ASilentObserver
"How has coping with loss impacted the moments you value most in life? "
While there has been much loss in my life, from parents, old friends, old lovers, etc. I wonder if my detachment or disassociation has (protected?) prevented me from feeling grief.
But with the recent event with my spouse and the almost loss. It was horrific, scary. It was a serious amounts of anxiety.
The value of everything became nothing during that time
@Barltik2065 I can understand how traumatic experiences like that would bring up a range of difficult emotions. While you may have developed coping mechanisms to shield yourself from grief in the past, it's natural that this recent event has impacted you so deeply.
@Barltik2065 Good afternoon I know my dissociation has helped me many times in my life. There are times I do not remember still. I feel that is absolutely alright for me. If I am supposed to remember them I will. I hoped I have helped you some. You are not alone having dissociation. I do understand.
You words are most kind and appreciated
Thank you for taking the time and sharing with us.
I am sure your words helped others too
@ASilentObserver
okay for me when i lost my best friend who was a cat yes a cat she died unexpectedly last year on October 30th (yes the daybefore halloween) it took a while for me to stop crying every time i thought about her (it took abt 2 months) but the way that helped me cope was my friends they helped so much and even tho i do miss lilly (her name was lilly) ik she is still here because she's here in my heart
also sorry if this made anyone cry!! i didnt mean to!
@Noahanimates
Other than the two major losses in my life my mother almost 30 years ago and my husband about 6 weeks ago my deepest loss I have had from my cats. I am that crazy cat lady. My kitties are my children.
My actual two-legged children actually bought me a tea towel that said "had to get rid of the kids the cats were allergic"
So I sympathize and empathize with that kind of loss. Toe bean hugs to you.
And that was a kitty cat induced posting, as my big boy Domino decided he needed love and pulled my hand down with his paw causing me to hit a few buttons I didn't need to.
But I would like to ask you what was your favorite memory about Lily? Do you have a picture you be comfortable sharing?
@Paisleykaat
i'm sorry about your losses but the tea towel is so awesome lol sending love for you and your family
تضمين التغريدة
Your words on this subject I deeply feel with great sadness because I have lived through it many times. Every time I lose my cats to death, these are difficult days that I live. Every time I feel healed and forget the pain, I go back to raise a cat, and the same pain is repeated when it dies. Compassionate hearts are always like this. I would like these hearts to remain tender and beautiful Wounds heal quickly
@ASilentObserver
How has coping with loss impacted the moments you value most in life? I think coping with loss has taught me to value the time I have with those in my life because we never really know when our time is coming. Things happen in the blink of an eye and it's important that we are on good terms with our loved ones. Life is too short to hold grudges.
@fruityPond7887 While coping with loss is difficult. it seems the lessons you have gained will continue to shape how you live each day going forward.
@ASilentObserver I try and find the positives in these situations life throws at us because we were all put here for a reason and we can handle everything life hands us, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, Aso,
I haven't heard from you. Is this thread for health care workers and veterans?
Thanks.
-tree
@purpleTree4652 my apologies for delayed response tree. but this is for everyone. please share your thoughts.
@ASilentObserver Obviously, coping with things that we lost whom we love hurts, but it is also a lesson that we can learn from. We can learn how to be stronger, and how to not be beaten down so easily. We can also learn how to cope with our negative emotions. For me, I just listen to music and eat tons of sweets to cope with it, and eventually, it gets better
@ThomasX While coping mechanisms can provide solace in the depths of sorrow, they are but a band-aid. You have shown immense courage in facing this pain, and I know that the lessons you are learning about life's fragility and impermanence will stay with you forever.
@ASilentObserver i lost my ammie and my dog and my uncle jerry all last year my uncle jerry died from brain cancer and i watched him suffer and died my dog was my self medication for my adhd before i was diagnosed and my ammie was my best friend im forever scared
@BryleeDavis09 I am deeply sorry for the immense losses you have endured. The ache of their absence must feel unbearable. What memories do you find most comfort in recalling?
تضمين التغريدة
It's very scary and terrifying... I pray for your heart to be filled with peace and tranquility. If I were by your side, I would embrace you, because hugs give support from the heart, and touching souls brings reassurance... and relieves pain.
"How has coping with loss impacted the moments you value the most in life" The last 2 years have been filled with losses. Divorce, depression and then my mother being diagnosed with a terminal illness and passing away months later. The last couple of years for me have been defined by losses and this is how I will remember these years when I look back on them. I would say that I value a "normal" ordinary day more now. I realize the value of mundane everyday lives. The simple joys, the little things. These losses have also changed my perspective and made me ask myself about what I value in life, and if I have my priorities figured out. I have always been very focused on my career, and now as I come closer to being middle aged, I wonder if I made the right choices. Also, something that stands out is my mothers courage and steadfastness after her diagnosis. She was appreciative of small things after being diagnosed. She appreciated the skill abd dexterity of the nurse who put in a difficult IV line for her. She smiled at doctors and greeted them everyday. She told me .. don't get scared, and don't get frazzled. She didn't just tell me, She showed me that by example. I will always miss her, but I will always also remember her courage and her love for her family. Academic achievements, publishing articles .. another promotion or a new job just don't have the same significance and meaning for me anymore. I value family and relationships more now. I value connecting with people. I value people who love me and care for me even more now.
@turqoiseOrange7980 Though life's hardships have brought you to a crossroads, the lessons you have learned about what truly matters will guide you well. Your mother's courage in the face of adversity continues to inspire you each and every day. Though she is gone, the imprint she left upon your heart and mind will shape who you become. Her memory is your greatest blessing.
@ASilentObserver
Thanks, ASO.
How has coping with loss impacted the moments you value most in life?
I have PTSD from a death. It erased me. The person that you're communicating with is completely different. Every thought and reaction is different from the person I was. I value life now as something so wholly important and beautiful. Life resonates with me on an intangible scale, almost like a symphony.
@purpleTree4652
I can deeply relate and your words brought tears to my eyes. I have little to ease the pain, except to say that i send you every heartbeat of love that i have within me. Know and believe that you are loved....equally i know that my sentiments are like throwing a thimble of water on a burning inferno.
They do little in the face of such loss. I hope for healing and that love will help to gradually ease your pain xxx
@sooty41
Hi, Sooty,
Your words also brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your kind and heartfelt words.
I understand only being here for one last person you love. I feel the same. I'm surprised at how many feel as we do. I think if all of our loved ones passed on, a huge portion of the world's population would no longer live.
What I don't understand is why it is this way. Why must grief be a bottomless, black pit that becomes our world?
I wish you a world emersed in the love you have for your loved one. I'm convinced that is the only way to get through anymore. If I could be an angel and fly to you and give you love I would.
Love and blessings to you, my friend.
xo, --tree
@purpleTree4652
Thank you for such kind words and sentiments. I wish i knew why some of us have been destined to roam in the wilderness of grief. What i can say is this ....please reach out your hand amidst the darkness and feel the gentle grasp of another holding it tight. That will be me....and trust that you are loved.
I hope that healing and peace lie ahead for you xxx
I have lost 3 family members within a short space of time. But it was the loss of my soulmate that truly decimated me. I am a shadow of my former self and the person i was before died the night that my beloved died. I am a shell, a husk , an empty vessel....i am nothing now. And nothing really matters to me anymore. I still have one relative to care for and that is the only reason that i am still here.
If anything, it has taught me to live one moment at a time, because that is all we really have. I don't make plans or worry about the future...because the future might never exist and i refuse to ruin my present by worrying about what may never come. Grief is a hellish landscape that we blindly stumble through, as best as we can.
Digressing slightly...as a society we need to be much more open about death. After all none of us can avoid it. But it continues to be shrouded in fear, avoidance and secrecy. That is hard for us as loved ones, but even more so for the person who is dying. We cannot negate their experience and it is cruel to do so.
In the last month of my dad's life he would often say... I know that am i dying. It would have cruel for me to say, no...you'll be fine. And equally callous to say...well, yes you are. So, i would hold his withered hand and tell him how much he was loved. That he was surrounded by love and would not be left on his own. To trust that we loved him and that those awaiting him in the spiritual life, loved him too. I tried to ease the flames of his fear by smothering them in love.
But, we need to talk about these things and be prepared. The first time my dad announced that he was dying, i didn't know what to say. But i learnt the kindest ways to comfort him. We should be open, honest and prepared. It helps us but more importantly, it helps our loved ones to pass over in peace.
My husband died very suddenly, a blessing for him. One minute he was here talking and the next he was gone. The doctor at the hospital told me that he would not have felt a thing or known anything...so he felt no fear. In the ambulance i held onto his hand and i could feel the heat leaving his body and i simply knew. I cried and wailed, hysterical over his body. Also knowing that my distress could not affect him or upset him. I clung onto his body and refused to leave. But he had gone ..
To end my rather long ramble, we need to discuss death and remove some of the fear from what we will all ultimately face.
@sooty41
My dear S O O T Y , I cried with your painful words... I know very well that it is something in memory that does not go away. I hope that you will be strong and that sadness will go away with a touch of the Almighty I support you wholeheartedly and strongly
@sooty41 It sounds like you have endured immense loss and suffering in a short period of time, which would be incredibly difficult for anyone. Your experiences with your loved ones during their final moments demonstrate deep caring, love and wisdom in how to provide comfort. What has helped you cope during this time of immense grief?
