Update on Protect the Community from Rumors Spread
All,
My apology to all for any inconvenience and discomfort caused recently due to a recent post I created - Protect the Community from Rumors Spread
With this post, I want to clarify a statement that is causing a lot of confusion in the community - "When you share or pass a story or info about anyone or anything that may not be true, you are acting similar to a bully."
After reflection, I have realized "bully" was too strong a word to use, and I am sorry about that.
The post is meant to be a general reminder to all that if you have a piece of info, but its authenticity is uncertain, instead of spreading it further, it is better to verify it first. When incorrect info passed around without verifying, it can make the atmosphere uncomfortable in the community.
For example, let's look at the Listener Chatroom Rule- 60 Seconds Rule for CRM or CS to provide chat support to a new listener. Let's say someone spreads info that Obs said the 60 seconds rule does not exist anymore. Anyone can provide CS. If all follow this info, it will cause chaos in the chatroom. There will be no relevant support to the listener. This would also cause CRMs and CS to feel Obs made a new rule, but without a post or update to let people know. If none of them reached out to confirm to see if it is true or not, then the cycle continues.
It is a small example, but in the community many people are doing so unintentionally or intentionally, and many don't even know if that's true or not. So it is a general reminder because we can't pinpoint one matter.
The post was a general reminder that it is better to ask than assume. I just want our community, community leaders, and people to stay safe and comfortable. We are putting all efforts and hard work to provide all that the community deserves. When some unwanted activities happen, it is upsetting and distracting for all of us. We want to keep things aligned and focused.
I am sorry for upsetting things, but my intention was just to protect the community and you all from any unwanted rumor. It is possible the timing was bad, as it mixed with another event that I wasn't even aware of.
Text communication has constraints, and as you know English is not the native language for many of us. That is why reflection is important. If you have confusion over words or are upset about something, I request you to please reach out and talk to sort out any misunderstanding.
I will be glad to discuss and make things clear to you. We appreciate all your great efforts to support each other and the community. I am grateful to all.
I hope this clears up confusion or any misunderstanding my post created. If anyone has any questions or confusion still, please feel free to ask and talk. You are welcome to send me a message!!
And, my apologies once again for any discomfort caused to you.
@ASilentObserver You're too hard on yourself SilentObserver, your previous post was golden. No need to apologize, you're heart was in the right place, and if you recieved grief because of coencidential timing. . . thats not on you. Life happens. Much love.
I'm not trying to be mean but, a part of the reason some of these things are occuring is because staff isn't stepping in enough. People can be arguing in rooms and a mod will literally be like, "let's talk about something else" "use your personal mute buttons", when people are cursing at each other or saying things that can be triggering to multiple people. What happened to actually issuing warnings and following through with 24 hr bans? People can be talking about topics that are inappropriate and against the rules; it's also typically the same offenders and nothing is Please do not lecture me about filing reports and sending screenshots because, anytime I've had a complaint or filed one I've done so.The reports just seem to go into a void. Also, do not give me the lecture we give people second chances here because, that just enables their behavior.
~Shirooroo
@Shirooroo
I suspect it is because mods are supposed to try to de-eacalate first (volunteer or comm mod) before starting the warnings, but this is good feedback for Obs to know. And it's not mean at all!
@Shirooroo
In my own past experiences in group chats, some mods in the past have been gossiped about or told while in the room that they abuse their power when deleting comments / using 24 hour bans. It would get to the point that when a certain mod (or sometimes any mod) entered a room, people would leave & be pretty vocal about it. This fear of being disliked might have led to more cautious behavior from mods. There have been mods that were on a power trip, banning people they simply didn't like & because of that training might have changed. I've seen some mods that shouldn't have been mods. A group of great mods who handled conflict well have left, I imagine because they were falsely accused of power-tripping when they only did their job. So I also want to be clear, I'm not making excuses or taking anyone's side here. I don't think your words are mean, either.
I would love to know from mods: what goes into deciding when someone gets publicly warned, then privately warned, and ultimately banned? What - personally or based on guidelines - drives your choice to say "ok, you've crossed the line one too many times?" Some more transparency on how mods are chosen would also be nice, if it's not already available
@Lexloveslife
I can only give my own perspective, but as a group mod, it's just following the guidelines. The group mod guide states that a user gets 3 verbal warnings first so they have a chance to change behavior before using the moderating button. Is it against the room guidelines? Do they already know the rules because they've been told already? I personally do 3 verbal warnings and the button, but I really try to be fair first. Perhaps too fair as the above poster has indicated some mods are lacking on using the moderation button. That being said, I personally am driven by a want to be fair to all. Perhaps they will change their behavior, maybe they won't, but I don't think immediate moderation warnings are the answer. When they've crossed the line is when we've used our 3 verbal warnings per protocol. Then I use the tools. As for banning, Admin would be the ones that can ban, if by banning we mean removing from the site permanently.
@ASilentObserver
You are such a wonderful part of our community here Obs 
@ASilentObserver
I disagree with you. Bully was not too strong a word to use at all. I think you were totally spot on to say what you originally did.
Gossip is a way of avoiding responsibility for ones feelings, and it can be used by someone with a lower self-image as a way to connect with others and feel better about oneself, but at the expense of another.
This site, like any site or life itself, is rife with gossip and rumour. Gossip acts as an external substitute to filling ones own needs of connection without having to face anything that is going on inside such as rejection, fear, etc. Its a lazy form of connection.
Perhaps it is hard to truly connect with others when you are disconnected from yourself. This wont change until you are willing to practice staying mindful with your own feelings and take responsibility for your feelings, rather than avoiding them with gossip. People avoid their feelings too often and its supoorted on the site by the way 'triggering' topics, words or even JUST CAPITALS are handled. Rather that dealing with the difficult emotions, avoidance is the tactic used simply because it's easier.
Bullies choose gossip and rumour spreading as a tactic many times. There are many bullies on the site and they work in groups through connecting via rumour spreading. Why? Because It's so much easier than facing their own lack.
The bully uses gossip, the most powerful form of control in organisation/community in order to discredit an individual as 'less than.' If the target is discredited, the bully gets a ‘rush to feel their addiction of needing power over another fulfilled. Bystanders continue to just listen because they are filling their need to connect. Alas Listeners and Mods are often just acting as bystanders too, so the behaviour continues to prevail and the bullies feel empowered.
Competitiveness is the key to it all really. Anyone addicted to competitiveness and envy will surely have to discipline themselves to not gossip. But will they? That is what remains to be seen.
@Zed786 Gossip is talk about other people. The original post in this thread doesn't mention gossip at all. The example it gives concerns information about a listener chatroom rule, not information about a person or people.
However, on the subject of gossip I completely agree with you. Gossip is closely related to other forms of bullying.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie
hi there. I took the comment in the original post 'When you share or pass a story or info about anyone or anything that may not be true, you are acting similar to a bully.' as meaning both gossip and rumour spreading. This was then further reinforced in subsequent posts as gossip was frequently being mentioned.
But do agree gossip is slightly different from a rumour.
Thanks Obs!
Bullies certainly can do this.
People also spread misinformation often because no one is right all the time. The earlier statement was way too generalized and the timing with some of the changes that weren't announced already had many confused. The incorrect information that I have seen lately was due to a lack of communication, not people trying to gossip.
@ASilentObserver What is a CRM, a CR or a CS (I don't remember which abbreviation you used.), and an Obs?
@purpleTree4652
CR= chatroom
CRM = chatroom mentor
CS = Chat Support
Obs = nickname for ASilentObserver
@EvelyneRose, Thank you. What is the 60second rule?
@purpleTree4652
It's the first rule in the list of chatroom rules-in the Listener Support Room/Teen Listeners room. It states,
Supporting listeners is the priority: In the Listener Support (LSR) & Teen Listeners (TL), all casual chats must be paused when a listener reaches out for support. Please allow 60 seconds for a listener with the "Chat Support" badge to read and respond to the request. If you are requesting help with a chat, please describe the problem in 5 words or less. After 60 seconds, if the question is still unanswered, ANY listener who knows the answer may answer to help. Once the assistance is done, other chat may resume.
The current hierarchy for answering questions is:
Chatroom Mentor (with the Mod and Chat Support Badge)->Chat Supporter->Peer Supporter->Experienced Listener
For example, if a Chatroom Mentor is around, and so is a Peer Supporter-at the time of a question being asked, the Peer Supporter should wait and give time for the Chatroom Mentor to answer and so on...(I believe you understand the order)
The aim of the rule is to ensure that correct and accurate information is dissipated.
Although, I wonder if there were multiple queries (including queries for resources), a single chatroom mentor, and multiple Peer Supporters (who knew the location for these resources) in the room, would the Peer Supporter still have to wait 60 seconds to provide the links to the resources? I ask this genuinely, as I do believe that waiting for the CRM to answer could possibly lead to an overload on the mentor. I am wondering if this rule would have to be followed strictly then?