Perseverance: When to give up
Perseverance has always been an interesting quality that many people praise others for having. It is defined as the ability to continue pushing forward towards your goal even when progress is slow or when obstacles are thrown in your way. It can lead to great accomplishments, like earning a degree or overcoming a personal struggle. However, perseverance towards a harmful goal can become destructive, hurting yourself and others along the way.
I see this play out most often with my mom. I have to admit that I do not have the perseverance that she does but I see often how it becomes destructive. For example, it was her perseverance that allowed her to earn her degree despite multiple setbacks and examination failures along the way but she did not give up until she earned her degree. However, this same characteristic also causes her to sacrifice her own mental health and well-being to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. She just can't let things go until her goal has been reached.
Seeing this growing up, I learned that despite being told that I need to persevere, there should be a limit, a time to give up. I was involved with someone who kept stringing me along, and despite knowing it wasn’t healthy, I couldn’t let go. I kept pushing, trying to show how caring I was and hoping he’d see what he was missing. I also pressured him to give me a clear answer on whether he wanted to be with me or not. In the end, this persistence only caused me to develop mental health issues, leaving me miserable. Looking back, I realize I should have walked away much earlier.
In my opinion, perseverance can be an amazing quality. However, when trying to reach that goal, your own health starts to decline and it's starting to take over your entire life, it might be time to give up.
What signs might indicate that it’s time to stop pushing for something and let go?
@Meloverse I just love this post and thankyou so much for sharing it on this platform!
What signs might indicate that it’s time to stop pushing for something and let go?
I have always struggled with knowing when is the right time to let go of something or how do you even begin to let go of something you really want. Whether it be a job, a relationship, or anything that you truly desire, it is difficult to want to give it up. However, what I have noticed in myself and what I have learnt from other people is that if there is constant reisstance and obstacles that become unhealthy to your life, causing more harm than growth that is probably the decision is already made. I think deep down every person always knows they have to let go but in that same breath it is so challenging to do so. But, if holding on is preventing you from taking steps forward in your life it is very possible that something better is waiting on the other side.
@Meloverse Thank you for this post. I believe that something that is a sign of letting go of something is your body telling you to stop - signs of burnout or even intuition.
@Meloverse
I often fall victim to sunk-cost fallacy and push when I should be letting go. A very inconsequential example in my own life is when I am crocheting and I make a mistake near the beginning. Sometimes I don't want to fix that mistake 6 rows ago because I've already spent so much time to get to the point where I was now. But then I reach the end and it completely ruins what I was trying to make and I end up having to unravel it all or give up on it. With experience, I know now that I should start over when I find the mistake because it's more annoying to spend all that time completing the project and realizing it's ruined.
For me some signs are constant stress and anxiety impacting daily life and strained relationships with loved ones. 💜
@Meloverse
What signs might indicate that it’s time to stop pushing for something and let go? When you say things over and over and they don't listen. When they argue with you to try and make their point when there is no point to get. When they keep lying about something and they keep on lying to cover up the first lie.
@Meloverse
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable and powerful reflection. It’s refreshing to see perseverance explored in a way that acknowledges both its strengths and its potential for harm. So often, we’re taught to “never give up,” but we’re not taught how to recognize when continuing might be doing more damage than good.
I really relate to what you said about learning from your mom’s experience. Like her, I’ve also pushed myself past healthy limits in the name of being persistent—believing that if I just worked harder, cared more, or held on a little longer, things would improve. But perseverance without boundaries can become self-sacrifice, and that’s not sustainable.
@Meloverse
This resonated so deeply with me because I used to think walking away meant failure, when in reality it was the most loving thing I could do for myself. I have learned that if my nervous system is constantly in survival mode and I am begging for breadcrumbs, it is not perseverance. It is self-abandonment.
@Meloverse I think for me, the warning signs are when I start losing sleep over it, and I feel physcially tired of doing it, when I can feel that I'm forcing myself
@Meloverse
Thank you for sharing this; it's such an honest and pertinent view of what perseverance means. I think we've often been taught that to quit is to fail, but I think there is wisdom in knowing when to let go as well.
What you said really went through my mind; I've seen how persistence could turn into something adverse, especially at the price of someone's mental health. It is so real when you said, 'it might be time to give up'-sometimes that's the hardest choice we can make.
For me, a red flag to back away is when something steals every ounce of my energy and calm, and I just don't feel like myself anymore. That is usually the wake-up call.
Again, thanks for this reflection; it stuck with me. 💛
@Meloverse
Thank you for sharing this. It’s such an important reminder that perseverance isn’t always about pushing harder no matter what. Sometimes the hardest part is knowing when to let go for the sake of our own well-being. Signs like feeling drained all the time, losing joy in what you’re doing, or constantly feeling anxious might mean it’s time to step back. It’s okay to change course or walk away from something that’s hurting you. I think learning that balance is one of the hardest but most valuable lessons.