Can Independence and Connectedness Coexist?
I've always considered myself a pretty independent person. I like having my own hobbies, my own goals, and the freedom to do things on my own terms.
But at the same time, some of the happiest moments in my life have come from feeling genuinely connected to other people. Good conversations, shared experiences, inside jokes, feeling understood by someone... those things matter a lot to me too.
For the longest time, I thought these two things were opposites. Like, the more connected you become to people, the more independence you have to give up. Or, if you're very independent, you might not be able to form deep connections.
Lately, though, I've been wondering if that's actually true.
Maybe a healthy connection isn't about losing your independence at all. Maybe it's about having relationships where both people can be themselves while still feeling close and supported.
I'm still figuring out what that balance looks like, but it's made me think a lot about the difference between connection, dependence, and individuality.
I'd love to hear what you guys think about this.
Do you see yourself as more independent or more connected?
Have you ever struggled to balance the two?
What does healthy connectedness look like to you?
Good question. I've always been independent and celebrated that. I think I move towards that personality because I've experienced many needy people, whether it's romantic, platonic, acquaintances and it just monopolises me and it's not the type of relationship, I ever want.
When two people can chill out, in whatever space that is, in person, over the phone, via text, whatever it is, and can be honest and get to know each other, without, lies and agendas, that's healthy.
The moment, people lie or play games or afraid to speak their mind, that's damaging.
I haven't struggled as such, but there are times when I feel obligated to respond and I'm burnt out, but I'm needed so it's been awkward.
I've had to learn to stop ignoring my needs and catering to others, because I need extra special care and other people feel no guilt about stepping back to prioritise themselves!
@ScrabbleBrain oh...yah wait that does make sense-
thank you so much for your reply! i got a new pov now
I agree that healthy connections need honesty and space. I think it’s important to care for others without ignoring your own needs, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed or burned out.
@enigmaticBeauty2976 I was too used to that caretaker role but not anymore.
@Pudding1000
What you are describing has a name. It is called "interdependence"
@Hope and weirdly that word makes me feel bad- haha.
I see myself as more independent, but I still value having meaningful connections with people. I like having my own space while also being able to rely on others when needed.
@enigmaticBeauty2976
well said <3
@Pudding1000 I really relate to this. I think the strongest connections are the ones where you don’t have to sacrifice who you are to maintain them. Being close to someone while still growing individually feels like a much healthier balance.
@Bhrigs
That is very true and mature way of thinking!
@Pudding1000 Great post! Thank you!
1. I see myself as being more independent for sure.
2. I have definitely struggled between the two because I am an introvert and need a lot of alone time and spent most of my life feeling guilty for needing alone time. Reading the book ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain helped me a lot.
3. In addition, to being an introvert I also had to be aware of being a people pleaser when it came to relationships and figuring out a way to meet my own needs and not deplete myself doing the interests of someone I enjoyed spending time with. Healthy connectedness looks like being aware of what my needs are and feeling comfortable asking for them while still compromising and being aware of the needs of someone else. It is also important to find the right person to spend a lot of time with, not everyone is compatible and that is okay.
@braveTruth816
Thank you for your msg! I loved reading what you think about this <3
@Pudding1000
Do you see yourself as more independent or more connected?
I believe it depends on whether I'm in a relationship or not. If I'm not in a relationship, I feel more independent. Being a relationship is a tricky situation for me. I think I feel more connected but, while trying find that reliability and connectedness, I end up being more independent to keep things easier for my partner. As for my platonic relationships. My connectedness and independence co-exist. It's like my platonic relationships add more to my canvas called life.
Have you ever struggled to balance the two?
I'm currently struggling to balance the two since I'm going through a break up.
What does healthy connectedness look like to you?
Healthy connectedness is growing together.
@FriendlyDaisy003
That is a beautiful insight! Thank you for your reply!