Daily Mindfulness Check-In July 20, 2022
Hello Mindfulness Community 😊 ❤️
Here is a question for you:
When something (recently) didn’t go my way, how did I react or not react? What did I learn from that experience?
Recently something happened that caught me totally by surprise. It shook my self confidence as well as brought me back to a place in the past. Sadly many unwanted feelings came up and I found it hard to deal with them. What I learned from this experience is that I still need to work on dealing with my past and also accept that these things can happen but that mindfulness can help me to reduce their frequency and impact.
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@amiablePeace77 When something (recently) didn’t go my way, how did I react or not react? What did I learn from that experience?
@soulsings
Nice that you can step away instead of engaging in conflict.
@amiablePeace77 Someone close to me said something nasty about me. I responded back by saying something mean about them. It wasn't actually mean in itself but it's sometimes that they don't like about themselves and often gets upset about. They sets pissed and left. I don't understand what else they were expecting when saying this to me. It was in a really pleasant setting and we were having a good time. I don't understand what happened and why they did that.
I'm tired of being disrespected. It's not the first time coming from this person. I don't know what the solution is.
@butterlycow I learned that people like to disrespect me. That I should distance myself from them and be less vulnerable in front of humans. That people like when I'm dominated and humiliated by them.
@butterlycow What they said about me was : it's crazy to be so embarrassing/awkward
@butterlycow
When people treat me like this I try to remember this one very important fact. I wasn't put here for anyone's happiness but my own.
Now, that might sound self-centered, but that depends on how you look at it - what's important to you. I mean down to your soul. I like helping people around me feel happy and cared for. That does not mean I will ever volunteer to be their doormat.
Sending you warm hugs. You are a precious soul and many, including me, love that you are here and sharing.
@EmbStitcher33 thank you so much <3
@butterlycow
I can imagine this took you as a surprise, especially since it was a pleasant setting! Once the "fire is lit" adding "fuel" does not help in my view. Have you considered to ask the person straight forward what made them say it?
@amiablePeace77 not at that moment but I will try next time (if I can)
@amiablePeace77
I can relate... I wasn't prepared for the memory flashbacks that 'last Saturday' (granddaughter's wedding), brought back. I think it's just the nature of how we are built. Do those hurt feelings ever go away totally? Don't think so. I think I learned to live with them at first. But that daily pain was still wearing. So like an oyster, I surrounded those memories and feelings inside boxes inside of boxes and put them on a back shelf in my mind. How? By making myself more present, in the present. Not choosing to NOT REMEMBER something only brings it up...lol.
So I'm dealing with that catching feeling you have just before you want to bust out in tears on and off these past few days. It'll pass. But that's what I'm dealing with. I never expected that someone I loved so much could hate me like this. But, that's their choice. How I deal with that is something I can control.
Gotta go do some more boxing...lol. I'll be okay. Sending you warm hugs and appreciation for all you do to support people here. ❤️
@EmbStitcher33
It can cut deep into your heart when someone you loved so much has such hurtful feelings towards you, hugs (if okay). Reminding yourself that you cannot control other people's emotions but only yours sounds very helpful. I'm glad that the practise of mindfulness staying in the present and letting things just be instead of trying to force them away helps you.
@amiablePeace77
Thank you for this, I am new here and part of what inspired me to find this place relates to this question.
When something (recently) didn’t go my way, how did I react or not react? What did I learn from that experience?
I work from home and recently moved to be reunited with my daughter who is 6, after 2 years in a narcissistically abusive relationship that ended up prolonging the time it took for me to get back to my daughter in the first place. My narcissist ex is of the benign variety, so I got out with relatively few psychic scars, but I have really been through a lot to get here. When I lost her, I fell completely to pieces, and then my mom died before I managed to get back on my feet. Working from home was key to my ability to even move here, so this job is very important. I had missed work before I moved, and I apologize because I know this is a lot of context, but the point is, it's easy for me to feel like everything could go wrong because that has happened so many times before. I have PTSD as well from early childhood trauma, which started to get worse in the toxic relationship.
So, I've been here two weeks, and yesterday I got an unexpected email revealing that I had miscalculated my rent day by a week, and would be completely broke until payday a few days later. On top of that, I'm staying at an Airbnb for another two weeks, until I'll be in a much better environment because the power and internet go off sometimes, and between those two things happening, I had a surprise panic attack right before my shift.
My head swirled and I felt slow and heavy, and even as it was happening I had solutions. I knew that I wouldn't end up destitute, but it was like my body didn't care. I admit I was not consciously working on breathing, and have been lax in the weeks since I moved, feeling like I needed some time to recover before going back to meditating, doing yoga, and journaling more regularly.
I reacted by trying to immediately solve the problem(s), sending out a flurry of emails and texts to bosses and friends in my support network. I reacted with panic. I did not react by taking concentrated deep breaths, or centering myself before I did anything. It worked out well, and in fact, my situation is better now, because I'll be moving out sooner, and into a very peaceful/stable environment where my daughter will be seeing me even more often. I believe due to the panic attack, I could not react very well to my situation being solved and my plans turned out to be better. Going into work I felt very numb and floaty and it was very difficult to help people on the phone, as I work in customer service and have to be friendly, polite, and professionally helpful. I did my best but called in sick after a little over half my shift.
I learned from this experience or reinforced my learning that whether I am recovering, feeling good, or feeling like I don't want to do anything, it is really important for me to take even 5 or 10 minutes out of each day to breathe and be still. To practice urge surfing in meditation. To do yoga so that I'm getting some mild exercise at least. I've come this far and have a new life to start here, and I want to push myself to do more than a brief journal entry at night each day.
I also learned that as frustrating as it is, if my panic disorder is triggered and I'm not prepared from practicing, it could still threaten my ability to work if I don't stop underestimating it. I knew that I would be okay, but I was nauseous and dizzy, unable to think. Gabapentin helped but I couldn't do my job after a few hours.
Tonight I will urge surf that memory in meditation, and journal about it to try to reinforce my desire to forge these daily habits. It's easy to stop doing the things that keep me grounded sometimes.
@ThadSterling
I'm so glad that you got out of that abusive relationship and are reunited with your daughter. So sorry to hear that your childhood was traumatic and you're suffering from PTSD. Panic attacks can lead you to places where you don't want to be anymore, where is a lot of pain and suffering so it makes great sense to get prepared for them. Grounding with your breath, the senses or even with yoga is a very helpful way to get anchored in the now so that you can't float away into a time you do not belong anymore. The regular practise of meditation helps to strengthen the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest system) what allows your mind to stay calm and can prevent panic attacks. You've been through a lot and deserve a better life with your daughter. I hope you will also find the support you need here on the site. This is a link to a self help guide about panic attacks https://www.7cups.com/panic-attacks-help-online/ Please also remember that you can always connect with a listener here. Just sharing how you feel can relieve some of your burden.
@amiablePeace77
Thank you so much, I am very glad I found this place! Nothing against other services, I had a great therapy experience prior to finding this place, but I believe as soon as I can, I'll be signing up for a bit more one-on-one therapy. It seems simply having exposure to support and reinforcements helps to motivate me to do the practices. I'll be looking into that guide and I thank you again. This is a really good place, from what I can see!
@ThadSterling
I read through your whole post. At the top, I have to say I'm so amazed at how much self-awareness you have worked through!
I have severe anxiety and PTSD from my childhood situation too. I so relate to what you said. And yeah, I even have a narcissistic ex too.
Take care of you. That's your top priority. And all that you are saying about that is so very good, and very important, so do it. You know you better than anyone else. You've done a Great Job of figuring out your own emotional self-help formula. You are worth every minute that you prepare for or doing what it takes to stay-off your panic attacks. I've had some of those too, but it's been a long time. Mine was so bad I went to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. (What was really crazy was that was years ago when I was a co-driver in an 18-wheeler. I loved to drive, but found out, not so much in huge busy cities...lol. It all worked out just fine. I cherish my slow quiet life now).
You sound like you know what to do. It's just a matter of follow through. You can do it. And like Ami said...there's lots of great listeners here on 7 Cups, and things to learn. You've got another support network here to turn to. Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing. I wish you the very best with your daughter in your new surroundings.
I experienced betrayal after 10 years of utmost trust with no barriers or limits.. No secrets.
It's gut wrenching pain and shook me to my core. I am still in the healing process.
The change I have is
1) I did not quit , abandon or give up
2) I embrace my emotional volatility during this period
3) I still wholeheartedly believe in the core concept of empowerment , fully knowing what I have been through
@DesdinovaD
Having to deal with betrayal after 10 year giving someone your full trust is rough and I could imagine it cut deep into your heart. It takes a strong person to deal with this and to stay on their track. I'm glad you're such a person and hope that coming here will help you to heal.
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement
Hi amaiablePeace!
Emotions can be hard to handle, especially if connected to a constant reminder of them. Everyone struggles,and that's okay! Our struggles make us stronger. Keep going!
When things don't go my way, I try multiple things until I'm just a volcano. Eventually I'll shut down and block everyone out. Same thing with arguments,except far less pretty.
@spiritualpumkin
Becoming a volcano, shutting down and isolate yourself sounds rough to me.
How does reaching out to someone trusted to talk about what is happening inside of you work for you?
Reaching out to others has had no results. My entire family knows what's going on, but has chosen to do nothing. My friends only apologize and don't offer much. It's alright though. Things will change eventually
@spiritualpumkin
I could imagine that it might feel lonely at times. I hope that joining the various events here on the site will be of support to you.
@amiablePeace77
Huggles Ami you are such an encouragement. Thank you for sharing this with us❤️
@amiablePeace77
Hi Ami thank you for this check in- sorry I have not responded to all the other wonderful ones you done!
When something (recently) didn’t go my way, how did I react or not react? What did I learn from that experience?
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Rumple, no worries for not responding to all my forum posts, you can't do everything and you do a lot on the site!
It sounds like a truly rough night Rumple. I agree, mindfulness does help to make our responses better and to prevent hurting others as much as possible. Mindfulness taught me also that I do not need to owe guilt which is mine, hugs. As are many people, I'm too work in progress.