Being Assertive with Others
Being Assertive with Others 
One of the biggest frustrations when one feels lost is that sense of hopelessness that nothing is going to change, and the thought that no one cares about the way you are feeling 
. Suppressing your feelings can cause strong emotional pain and there is also risk that you bottle up things that bother you until you reach a bursting point 
Facing your fears means getting out of your comfort zone but when you are able to tackle the fear of saying how you feel, it makes things so much easier. When you put in words how you feel and who you want to become , life becomes much better on a personal level. If you can express a problem to yourself in a neutral way (without adding judgement), it will be easier to express it to another person. If the person does not respect your wishes without having good reason for it but just because they don't want to that can be seen as a productive thing, because now you know that they do not respect you, and it is time to rethink their value in your life. 🤔
Many of us dread confrontation, or go to extreme lengths to avoid it. We do so for numerous reasons.
Why do you think people have difficulties to express their needs clearly and do you find it hard yourself?
How do you manage your emotions during confrontation?
How do you rebalance after a confrontational conversation?
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@amiablePeace77
This is a great topic! I will do my best to share my experience. I hope it helps!
Why do you think people have difficulties to express their needs clearly and do you find it hard yourself?
It can be for various valid reasons. Some of us are introverted and or sensitive. Some have been raised in a dysfunctional family. I meet all three criteria. I find it very challenging to express my needs, but it has been getting easier over time.
How do you manage your emotions during confrontation?
I keep calm and don't react. I leave if things get too heated.
How do you rebalance after a confrontational conversation?
Mindfulness, listening to calm music, energy healing, and walks.
@goldentown96
HI Golden nice to see you here! I agree with you-Ami picked a great topic for all of us to turn into a great discussion. I like your answers you gave on why people have a hard time sharing trully on their needs. Also good to hear that you are finding it a bit easier in doing this yourself. Keeping calm and do not react plus walking away if needed are all good ways to manage your emotions during a confrontation. Mindfulness, music, energy healing and walks are all good things to do to rebalance after a confrontation.
Thank you for sharing with us today
@amiablePeace77
Why do you think people have difficulties to express their needs clearly and do you find it hard yourself?
Sometimes it is hard to express feelings when the emotions are all out of sort. I always write what I want to express to my boyfriend or write it in my journal and let him read it. My words are better written out than spoken.
How do you manage your emotions during confrontation?
I try to stay calm and not get upset or angry. I try to speak calmly and think before I speak.
How do you rebalance after a confrontational conversation?
I write what happened and how it ended in my journal.
@pamharley003
Heeelllerz Pam good to see you here! I totally agree with you on writing down feelings and letting someone read them. Then things can come out in a more positive way. I like your sharings on why some have a hard time sharing their needs or feelings. Speaking calmly, staying calm and not get upset are good ways on managing any confrontations. Writing the moment down is a good idea. Especially how it ended. Then later on you can read and see if anything needs changed. Pam thank you for sharing your thoughts with us
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Your welcome
@amiablePeace77
HI Ami thank you so much for this forum discussion-it is a good topic!
Why do you think people have difficulties to express their needs clearly and do you find it hard yourself?
Wow this can be for many reasons: shyness, fear, don't want to hurt other's feelings, don't know how to fully express themselves
How do you manage your emotions during confrontation?
This was a really hard thing for me to maintain and control. I used to be a fire cracker if someone said the wrong words to me. But over time I learned to STOP wait and listen. I so do not like confrontation and learned that I can actually de-esculate it all by the way I reacted. Also I can be part of solving the issue by just listening and offering some compassion and validation for the other persons thoughts and feelings.
How do you rebalance after a confrontational conversation?
I normally go off by myself. Sit with that bad feeling inside. That is what I used to do. Now I reflect with myself or with someone. I share my actions only and listen to their advice on or if things could of changed
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Hi Rumple, good to see you 
. I believe not knowing how to fully express yourself is a big reason, often people simple do not find the right words and are scared to say something wrong.
It's nice that you found your way to deal with confrontational situations, I totally agreee with "wait and listen" as sometimes what is said first can "go down wrong" and trying to understand what the other one really wants to say can already take away much of what makes us feel at unease. Great way!
Love that you changed the way you deal with it now, reflection can bring up so many new ways how to see things.
@amiablePeace77
Hiya, this is quite the topic. I'll share my experiences
Ima very quiet person ,but I have to ask someone for everything be it a drink snack or whatever.
So ima usually pretty good at telling people what I want. There are some things I don't ask.
Emotions are complicated for me I feel so much usually at once. I don't communicate emotions well.
Idk why really.
Why do you think people have difficulties to express their needs clearly and do you find it hard yourself?
How do you manage your emotions during confrontation?
I don't manage well.
I don't do well I get very emotional I get overwhelmed sometimes. I get confused about what going on.
How do you rebalance after a confrontational conversation?
It's not that I do any 1 thing ig I jus kinna let it happen. I don't think I really understand it myself.
@Fireskye13
Hi there, nice to see you 
.
Not being able to communicate your emotional needs can lead to a lot of pain and frustration, hugs. I think that for many people it is easier asking for something physical that explaining what their emotional needs are, especially if you are quiet by nature. Some people get unbalanced when too many negative vibes are "in the air" as they find it hard to cope with it, particularly when being sensitive.
This is a link to a self help guide about managing emotions, I hope it helps and please never forget that we are here for you if you like to share something more in detail. https://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/
@amiablePeace77
Thanks so much I'll definitely look at it.
This is such a great topic to talk about. I recently learned a lot about assertiveness, and the differences between passive, assertive, and aggressive communication.
Why do you think people have difficulties to express their needs clearly and do you find it hard yourself?
I do find it hard to express my needs. I think most people have problems with this because they don't want to "upset the balance". They don't want to have to deal with a confrontation, so something people just go along with whatever. However, it's not helpful in the long run because people can then take advantage of you.
How do you manage your emotions during confrontation?
I am terrible at managing my emotions and it feels like they're always trying to spill out of me. I get very easily overwhelmed by my emotions, which is why I try to avoid confrontations at all costs. My problem is a don't trust myself to handle things in the correct way, so I panic. However, when it comes to coming to the defence of other people, especially my family, I seem to have a lot more confidence in dealing with the situation.
How do you rebalance after a confrontational conversation?
Distracting myself seems to be the best way for me, although I'm usually terrible at it and end up ruminating about the event for several hours afterwards.
@cafedaydreams
I can see how hard it is to stand up for your own needs, hugs.
Confrontation can surely be upsetting but I believe soon or later one needs to put a stop to things otherwise people take advantage of you like you said and you will be at their mercy all the time. You matter too, you have rights as well!
I hope that coming here will help you to learn to express your needs in a calm way and to be able to stand up for yourself as much as you do it for others.
Hi @amiablePeace77.
Now to answer your questions,
Why do you think people have difficulties to express their needs clearly and do you find it hard yourself?
People are sometimes confused about what they want. They also feel that it may look bad if they are openly asking so.
How do you manage your emotions during confrontation?
Controlling my breath, going into a God-mode. God-Mode is a way of seeing things in a detached 3rd party view.
How do you rebalance after a confrontational conversation?
Going into silence for a while. Then having a change of atmosphere.
@alphav7
Sadly sometimes people are not aware of their needs and also do not feel worthy enough to express them. I like your sharing about managing emotions and how you rebalance. 
Why do you think people have difficulties to express their needs clearly and do you find it hard yourself?
There are all kinds of worries people hold and I find it equally hard myself to express our needs.
How do you manage your emotions during confrontation?
Confrontation brought me fears and frustrations. I will take deep breath to cope with it.
How do you rebalance after a confrontational conversation?
I would totally lose balance in a confrontational conversation. I normally reset the boundaries to protect myself.
@littleBear2018
Bear, good to hear that you make sure you stay safe!