Happy Friday! A gentle reminder on kindness (and boundaries)
Happy Friday, tea-mates! 🤗
I wanted to share this graphic today because it reminded me of how much impact our words and actions can have. But it also got me thinking about a lesson I’ve been reflecting on recently.
Sometimes, when we are naturally kind people, we fall into the trap of feeling like kindness is a performance we have to keep up 24/7, even at our own expense. We get so used to keeping the peace that the moment we have to step out of our comfort zone to stand up for ourselves, our nervous system panics and makes us feel like we’re being "mean."
I came across a thought recently that really stuck with me: Being kind to others shouldn’t mean being unkind to yourself. Standing your ground or setting a boundary doesn't mean you've changed or stopped being a good person. It just means you're extending that same care inward.
As we go into the weekend, remember to be kind to the people around you, but don't forget to include yourself in that kindness, too.
Q: How do you all balance being compassionate with protecting your own boundaries?
@chyni
I let people know soon as I don't have time to play around.. I feel communication is key to getting everybody on the same page so we can live our lives peacefully..🌲
@AsherTree
So true! clear communication really does make such a huge difference in keeping peace on both sides. Thank you for sharing this! 🤍
@chyni
Q: How do you all balance being compassionate with protecting your own boundaries?
I try to remember that I can't know which word or words might upset someone. I can't know everyone else's triggers. So I almost certainly will be unkind to someone at some point.
So I try to be aware. And do the best I can. And apologise when my best isn't quite good enough.
I would like to invert your screenshot.
Please be kind. Be the reason someone relishes a meal, jumps out of bed, feels wanted, feels loved. Sometimes your actions and your words stick with some people forever.
I think that is much easier to achieve.
@Clio9876
That perspective is so beautiful! doing our best and leading with intention to make someone’s day brighter is such a powerful approach. Thank you for sharing this! 💙
@chyni
Awe, thank you. And thank you for the inspiration, and reminder. I'm a pro at beating myself up for hurting others and opportunities to remind myself that there's a better option are always welcome.
@Clio9876
You’re so welcome 😊 self-compassion is definitely a practice, and we’re often way harder on ourselves than anyone else ever would be. Giving ourselves grace while striving to be kind is such a gentle way to walk thru life. Thank u for opening up and sharing that with us 🤗💙
@Clio9876
❤️❤️❤️
@SparkyGizmo
HI Sparky. Good to see you.
@Clio9876
It's great to see you too Clio! 😊 ❤️ 😇
How does an anxious preoccupied person have boundaries? (To answer your question with a question.)
@amicableLand9991
Oof, that is so real! for anxious preoccupied folks, it takes practice and starting small, like pausing before saying ‘yes’ right away. Framing boundaries as protecting your energy rather than pushing people away helps make setting them feel less scary.
Something to chew on, perhaps I can learn to do that. Boundaries are hard for me. The one that I did set, was walked all over. I tried to set up a time where my estranged wife could text me, but a dismissive avoidant gets to call the shots and have all the boundaries they want and I don't get to have any!
@amicableLand9991
That sounds so exhausting and painful. That power dynamic feels so unfair, especially when you took a brave step to set a boundary and it was crossed. Remember that someone ignoring your limit doesn’t mean setting it was a mistake, it just shows where they are. Please try not to let their reaction discourage you from protecting your peace in the future. You’re doing the heavy lifting by trying, and you deserve to have your boundaries respected. Sending strength 🫂
Thank you Chyni!
@amicableLand9991
Anytime! 🤗
@chyni
Oh, how this resonates with me 🩷
So well written.
Thank you for posting such a massively important topic.
I am always putting others before myself and I never think to anticipate my own needs.
I'm working through this.
And it's about consistency for me.
🩷
@Amanda84
This means so much to hear 🩷 consistency really is key, and just taking it one day at a time makes a world of difference. So glad this resonated with you! 🩷🩷
@chyni
❤️❤️❤️
Happy Wednesday tea-mate, I hope your Friday was great and so were the other days :) Did you know that Wednesday is believed to be ruled by Mercury, the planet of knowledge, intellect and communication, and I also believe it was named after AllFather Odin, who's also called Woden (Woden's Day). I hope you and every tea-mate has a great day today with great conversations and learning new things. :) I have high functioning ASD so I info dump like this when I talk and feel nice 🧿🪬🦜.
@Batterfly7777
Hi Batterfly! Thanks for the awesome midweek trivia, I actually didn’t know that about Woden and Wednesday. Thank u for sharing such cool facts, always appreciate learning something new. I hope you have a wonderful and peaceful day as well. 🫶🏽
Unfortunately we can't always control the last one. Some people may feel insecure just by the mere fact of our existence.
@goldenWind2508
This is a great point. Accepting that we can’t control other people’s reactions or insecurities is a huge part of protecting our own peace.
I needed to hear this as someone who recently broke boundaries / forced someone to choose themselves, so this needs to be heard no matter who it is.