Another Day (looking for a break in the clouds... but not too hard today)
My mind is cloudy. I'm tired of trying but have no choice but to push on. I'm tired of motivational videos, I'm tired of inspirational quotes. (I DO KNOW this is the time to listen to and read these things) They lift me up 90% of the time. But I'm tired of working on it though, I think I'll just stay cloudy today knowing this will pass because it's the nature of things. I'm glad I got a mundane work meeting all day today. (a good place to accept a cloudy mind).
@IsayUncle. I understand. I'm sorry you're feeling like that today💙
@IsayUncle why try? all that temporary stuff like motivational quotes - it's all nonsense - all it will do is keep you going for another day
You are cloudy and you want to imagine blue skies just to feel better for a bit before the cloud envelops you once more? I think the healing community is built on lies
Face the clouds, face your fears. Go into the clouds and stop pretending - that's the way out of them in the end
The people that rely on things to uplift their mood are the people who "struggle" with depression their whole lives
@Daniel7777 But how do you get out then?
@Psalm139 By stop pretending you understand. Like all you need to do is grab some uplifting thought and hold onto it - that's like grabbing a child's balloon and thinking you can fly away. You know you are kidding yourself but you'd rather keep futilely trying over and over than venture into what is really wrong?
You have to go into the clouds or the darkness or whatever you call it, knowing that you do not know the way out, you do not know what is going to happen, you do not have the answers. You have to face that fear of the unknown
People want control, they are scared of not having it, so they make-believe they have control by "taking control" of their mind and force-feeding themselves "positive" crap. It doesn't work because it is not real
@Daniel7777 Ok I get what you're saying. I do things like yoga or listening to music or taking a shower just to get myself through the day when I'm really low. I don't pretend I'm ok. I know I'm not but I have kids to be here for and things I have to do so I have to try to function anyway. I know I won't ever really be better though. I just survive every day with whatever I wake up to in my mind.
@Psalm139
You want me to say there is no way?
because there is. You just might not like what it looks like and what it entails
Imagine an easy pleasant looking path that goes nowhere and then imagine a steep scary-looking path that heads up into dark woods, maybe there is a broken old "do not enter" sign at the start of it. The first path you know goes nowhere. The second path you don't know where it leads.
Yeh you will NEVER get better if you keep doing what you are doing. It's up to you if you are willing to live your life in perpetual unfulfilment or if you want to risk the unknown
@Daniel7777
I think you're saying face you're fears and battle them head on. Do not whine behind a bunch of inspirational mumbo-jumbo-weak crap. If I am close to being right, I will agree with you to the point of facing your fears and battling them head on.
Where I beg to differ is that motivatinal and inspirational tools give you the weapons and diligence needed until one gains the strength to stand on thier own. Do you NOT think we should gather wisdom and strength from others and weave it into our own tapestry?
@Daniel7777
Motivational videos and Inspirational quotes are usually from people that faced thier clouds, faced thier fears, and conquered them to come out on the other side with enough positive energy to share thier experience with others to help them through. Do you mean to just give up and live in the darkness?
He that is taught only by himself has a fool for
a master. Ben Jonson ( I like this quote because how can a man teach himself anything if he know not the opinion of others)
@IsayUncle
Yes I mean to give up trying to go where you think you want to go and instead go into the clouds/darkness because you fear then you think it will overwhelm you and make your life terrible and eventually bring you down and destroy you
It's like struggling to keep your head above water because you are scared of drowning but actually if you let yourself get pulled down and surrender to it you might discover it's not what you think it is at all
@Daniel7777
I know what you mean but the drowning scenerio isn't really a good one to make your point.
@IsayUncle
You're "battling" rather than surrendering
The battle is what prolongs it. Your mind goes into depression for a reason, its not something to fight, it is something to listen to. It is telling you that you need to go into it to find what needs to change
The more you fight it the more you end up living in a limbo of dissatisfaction and mediocre survival existence and constantly needing to prop yourself up with motivation and positivity from outside
@Daniel7777
I call it the beach ball effect. Bright shiney beach ball is outside the swimming area so you try to go get it and you are so determined you are splasing and making waves keeps pushing further away and soon enough you're in water over your head. If you had just floated on your back for awhile enjoing the rythmn of the ocean, there's a good chance the beach ball would've bumped you legs eventually.
I totally get what you are saying but where do you draw the line from trying to not trying. That grey void between reality and reality.
@IsayUncle
Well, for example, I could debate with you but I can't be bothered because I don't care. I said what I wanted to say when I felt like saying it
That is not trying
If I were to try I would talk with you and eventually we'd come to some yes I agree middle ground which would make everyone feel temporarily relieved for a while until you go back to the same old sh it
@Daniel7777
I get your point of view. We'll always end up back in the same pile of crap, no matter how hard we try. so why try? I wasn't really debating with you Daniel. I was very curious about your perspective about staying in a dark place. Most people here are looking for light but you're saying, "screw that, accept your cloud and stop trying so you can have peace".
I can almost feel/understand it but if you want to stop talking about it, then that's that. It's been a good talk and to learn about your point of view was not a waste of time.
@IsayUncle
I'm not here to help people
@Daniel7777
That's ok. I think ultimately we are all here to help ourselves. Truth is truth... right? We all go about in different ways but that's what it's all about.
@IsayUncle
It's a fundamental difference between you saying "I am in the clouds and I shouldn't be... therefore I will do everything I can to try to force myself out of them"
and saying "I am in the clouds and I will explore them and not try to get out of them. I will go deeper into them because I welcome the fear. It's not what I thought life was but then why did I ever assume I knew what life was?" Everyone does, until they get smacked on the head by mental illness
@Daniel7777
Yea, right, why not try to work in the enviroment that dominates your time instead of always fighting to get away from it.
@Daniel7777
You make me curious. but that is another matter. What I want to comment on is your, "Why'd I ever assume I knew what life was". Everybody does.... (it could be an AGE thing)
You don't have to have mental illness to realize you were mis-lead by everyone and everything is a freaking LIE. It all sucks! Everything is f**ked up.
Sometimes it's just a matter of getting older and wiser. And it hits you like a ton of bricks and we do not have the tools or capabilities to figure it out. How do we adjust to that mindblowing realization is stongly influenced by our mental health. It's a lot harder to adjust to it with varying types of mental illness but it's doable.
@IsayUncle
Hello Uncle . How has ur today's day been ? Have u been on track to meet all your goals ?
@calmsoulmeet
Yes, very much so, thanks for asking. How about you today? Ejoying ur day or staying on track too?
@IsayUncle
Yes Uncle ! , for a change I have been able to achieve all my goals today and have had a productive day . Perhaps my anti depressants are finally kicking in !
Wishing you all the very best for the week ahead ! May u achieve all your goals 🙂
@calmsoulmeet
That is fantastic and thanks for the well wishes. I sure need 'em. Don't forget , accomplishment is also an anti-depressant. Give credit where credit is due. To both yourself and be thankful for the medication. I'm so happty to hear your having a good day. Smiles for Miles!
