I'm a little Bummed Out (Not serious, but a little)
Goals: I had a few days off and I should/could have KICKED BUTT on my household chores BUT I didn't even finish the basics. Now that I'm back to work/schedule my messes are haunting me. Arrrgh, I should've done better.
My biggest obstacle is I'm a morning person so in the evenings I shut down and really have to force myself to accomplish anything. (Usuallly don't get past thinking about it). If I don't do'em in the AM before leaving for the day, they'll haunt me for the next.
"Just Do It" you might say.... yea, sure; thinking about it. Arrrgh!😣
How is your day going today so far?💙
@Psalm139
I made it out the door this morning which was a plus. I almost stayed home but glad I didn't. How about you? Chin up?😊 or 😐 blah?
@IsayUncle. I've been up and down today. But that's kind normal having BPD. Better than the days that I'm just sad all day. I did yoga and ate something. No cleaning yet but there's still time. Glad you made it out. CDL stuff?
@Psalm139
That's good, Yoga and eating. I know what you mean about the up and down. After I loose a hundred pounds I'll try some stretches and yoga so I can tie my shoes and touch my toes. I'm really tired. on the low side of bpd. I like the high side better. I did do cdl stuff today. I can't afford my classes so I'm helping the guy out at the school shooting GoPro footage for him. I can't multi-task so I'm in this freaking limbo until I get my cdl. I've lost my steam for the moment.
@IsayUncle. I can understand how you feel. That is probably exhausting. But that's pretty awesome that you found a way to pay for your CDL instead of just giving up on it💙.
I think you mentioned in one of your posts you are bipolar, right? So you know about the ups and downs. I am borderline so it's a little different. I am extremely sensitive and have trouble with relationships. I also have bad social anxiety which makes my depression worse because I don't get out enough.
@Psalm139
I totally relate to everything you're talking about. I go for days or weeks one way or another. I fight hard to stay on the upside... but sometimes i tire and let myself rot away for a little while. I don't take medicine because I always think I can beat it and I blame only myself when I can't. BUT I accept it as who I am and I'm OK with that. Others have much worse demons than me. God Bless them.
Did you get any cleaning done? Epic fail for me today.
Yes I did get some cleaning done today finally. And made dinner. I haven't really cleaned up after that which is kind of my problem. I need to make myself do that but after cooking I just want a break and then it's hard to get myself back in work mode.
I understand how you feel thinking it's your fault and others have it worse. But would you tell me it's my fault that I struggle? Or anyone else? What I see in talking to you and reading your posts is someone that is trying really hard to better himself and not giving up even through lots of challenges. Also, idk your insurance situation but if you are able I don't think there is any shame in using medication if it will help you to feel better. Mental health problems like we have sometimes need and benefit from treatment just like physical problems. 💙
@Psalm139
Good morning, I do the same thing a lot. I'll clean the kichen from previous, just to cook and then too tired to clean again. I am trying to reverse that a little bit. If it's morning or mid-day I'll often get those cleaned up but it's like, never right after I'm done cooking, usually later on in the day... if at all.
I'm the baby of a very large family of dysfunctionals. Medications are a must. They balance the chemicals .... and such. It is so important to take medications when they help so much. I'm 62 and set in my ways now. I know who and what I am now. I often wonder if I had taken the proper medications years ago, how improved my lifestyle would be.
Are peoples struggles thier fault. Absolutely not. (Thier choice and method to ease the suffering effects the outcome) Are my choices to solve my struggles my responsibility. (Yes "for me", but I'm not mentally impaired enough not to take responsibilty) There are so many levels of mental struggles medication is best and normal Taking medication is a choice/neccesity to solve a struggle and it is a very wise choice or needed neccesity.
I'm sorry, I'm ranting. This is an in-depth topic I'd like to discuss further but my insights have been known to put people off and make them roll thier eyes... (Social screw-up)
Final answer = If mentally able, we have to take some responsibility for our struggles because we have made past decisions to get us where we are at. Some decisions can be attributed to an unclear mind that needed medications and other decisions can be attributed to poor judgement.
There is no shame in taking medication and if I made sound like that, I am so sorry. Life is good and our challenges and successes are who we are. Whatever tools let us move forward are wonderful!
I'm tired of feeling down and so I'm going to fight today. Time for a Goal Game. Big deal today, I'm forcing myself to believe I can do it. One mis-step and I will surely crash and burn... and that'll be ok (sort of) because if blessed with another day, I'll try again.
@IsayUncle. I see what you are saying and it doesn't put me off that you share how you think. I understand being set in your ways too - I am almost 40.
I only said that about medication because my dad was bipolar. I hardly remember him but he killed himself when I was little. And he didn't take his medicine.
I also didn't for a long time but then I felt the thoughts were getting tol bad it was better to be a little tired than think that way so much of the time.
@Psalm139
My heart goes out to you. Not having a tangible blood father must've been hard at times. Even @ 40 it could still effect you. How are you?
Suicides, schizophrenia, (sp? Sorry) and on in my family. My brother would go off the rails if he didn't medicate. He's passed now, Bless his soul. I think it's good you are taking your medications. Smart decision. It sounds like you are very aware and comfortable with your choice. THAT is the best ever.
P.S. I'm cheating here. in regards not bothering me too much.... Never Happen, No Worries Here. I just hope you don't get discouraged if there are long spans of time between replies, or sometimes just short and quick. 💚❤️
@IsayUncle No it's ok. I understand you are trying to be productive so it's ok if it takes a while sometimes. I get busy too. 5 kids lol. I appreciate you talking to me💙
@Psalm139
5 kids!!!!.... WOW. Alone or with a significant other? and my next question, do you have a support network, family and friends? I do not have children but plenty of nieces and nephews with kids, so my grand nieces and nephews too and I've seen all the struggles with them. Now I drive a school bus and get another perspective.
Regardless, CONGRATULATIONS.... I'll bet they're amazing. How do you do it?
I am married, yes. But I pretty much do everything for/with the kids, including homeschooling. I don't know how I do it lol. It is a lot of work but all I ever wanted was a family.
I don't have a support system really. My mom died when I was 16, and I told you about my dad. I have two sisters. One is two years older and has five kids of her own and lives a few hours away. She doesn't struggle like I do. I also have a half sister that is nine years older and is not married, does not have kids, and travels a lot. I see each of them a couple times a year. I have a half brother who is 58 that I tried to get to know but it didn't really work out because I was too much for him. So I don't talk to him anymore.
That's cool that you drive a school bus. I bet that is a challenging job!
@Psalm139
You got a lot going on there young lady. A lot of it sounds really good. you definetly have a dictated structure and that's really a good thing. You just don't have no time for you. It's a good thing you wanted a family but even with that, we all need our time.
Bus driving is an interesting adventure because I've slated myself as an invested driver for the kids. A lot of proaction and involvement... as much as they'll let me in. I do get hugs from the younger ones sometimes; which is great! I'm off now but start back in ten days.
@IsayUncle That sounds like a really cool job for you. I bet it's a lot more satisfying than working at a store or a warehouse or something and the hours are probably nice too. Mornings and afternoons, right?
@Psalm139
Yep; mornings and afternoons. Last year was my first year. We'll see how this year goes.
That was great to learn more about your family. Thanks so much for sharing. How are you doing today? Are you feeling ok? It seems you put a lot out every day.
@IsayUncle. I'm ok today I think. A little down but that's just how I am sometimes. I know you understand. I got a little done today and tomorrow will be a good day to catch up on some extra cleaning. Do you have plans for the weekend? What is your support system like? I think it probably helps you having a job. Something to make you get out of bed and get going. Do you think so?
@Psalm139
Thats good your doing OK. And yes, a job does offer structure and it's good for me. I have no support system and no one that believes in me or lifts me up. I've found strength in myself through always believing good things and ignoring bad things. I'm a social misfit because of this and I've alienated everyone I've wanted close to me. It seems to me people want to clan together by badmouthing others and we should go along to get along. There is a lot to this story... Another day "P",,, Can I call you "P"?
@Psalm139
P.S. you and your husband must be getting slammed with the economic difficuties of the nation. You can't buy a single simple neccessity for less than $5-$10. With 5 kids, that's a lotta items. I'm sure your managing but i'll bet it's tough.
@IsayUncle. Yeah it is pretty hard. We get food and medical assistance but even with that the basic expenses add up. Our energy bill on the budget billing is $366 a month now.
You can call me that if you like. I don't mind💙 I'm sorry you don't have a support system. I feel like I don't either but at least I have my kids. I don't have friends though and I feel like I'm incapable of making or keeping them. And I just feel like I'm too much for everyone, eventually.
You've been here a while and get support here at least, right?
It's too bad they don't let members chat privately here💙
@Psalm139
That's cool, Hi P,
The past two years solidified a 20 year truth (Actually a lifetime) that I was totally iggnorant too, Naive, Wrong thinking.... But My problem was my solution to dealing with life. I developed a very egotystical personality but it is so wierd because I was so completely insecure and unseen, I thought I could help other people be secure and seen. My ego kept me strong, I just didn't realize it was ego. Now that I see it for what it was I'm more tolerable I think, working on it anyway.
You've often say, "I'm too much for everybody". I was too, Even had an honest friend tell me he could only take me in small doses, which was a 1000 percent better than those close to me whispering behind my back for years until eventually they built a silent (but unintended) coalition against me. Swallowing the pill that was of my own making is tough and I'm working that out so I can dance in the streets with joy and confidence.
That is the very wierd dynamic of me that just got exposed recently and for the best too. Our obstacles often put us on a path of betterment if we let them. That obstacle got me here to 7-Cups and it's been a true blessing. And yes getting wonderful supprt here. (From people like you and good programs)
Yea, that would be great to chat privately. but then others couldn't benefit from our stuggles. I do agree though it would be real nice to sometimes talk about things privately. I agree.
@IsayUncle Are you ever in the sharing circle? I think I may have listened to you share before a while ago on my old account.
Anyway I think it's awesome that you recognized your problem and were able to change. I'm sorry you haven't really been able to build a support system in real life though yet because sometimes that is nice to have too.
My being too much has more to do with my emotions and attachments. I guess I just have this constant desire for a real connection with someone. To really know someone and have them really know me. But when I feel like I am getting that I start to get attached and insecure and it's just hard. And I feel everything more than "normal" people so I feel close to people and share too much too soon. I'm sorry if you feel like I've been that way with you. Having this be a public space is holding me back a little from complete transparency.
Most people don't outright say I'm too much. They just pull away and change the way they interact with me so I know they are done and just want me to go away. So I do. Because feeling unwanted is almost worse than actual abandonment. I'm kinda going through that with someone right now that I thought was a friend. So that's probably a lot of why I've been feeling on the verge of tears and just so down lately. It's so hard, I really don't know why I keep trying sometimes.
@Psalm139
I've never been in a sharing circle that I remember.
Relationships are so tricky. I'm really sorry you are in crisis mode with a friend. I hope it turns around and works out. Stand tall and be proud of yourself. 💚 I have other thoughts to share with you because that's a hard load to carry and it's worthy of much more than one post. One good subject is how our childhood trys to stick with us. It blows my mind that I'm still dealing with childhood demons (Not anymore = 2 years clean of them). and it sounds like you are too. We'll talk more tomorrow.
Quiet Time
Ooops maybe not with 5 kids... Sorry for the tease
@IsayUncle Have a good night💙
@Psalm139
Hi P, Good morning,
And so, here we go again…. Yippee. Another day. (Goofy mood, sorry). How are you feeling?
I’m glad you are sharing things with me. I did read your
profile the other day and I looked up Psalm 139 and grasp the importance of
that to you. Just so you know, I see you. This public forum helps us stay
balanced I think, talking with other members and testing the waters a little
bit at a time. It is hard though sometimes being hog-tied, not wanting to share
the complete truth just because of the public forum. It would be nice to be able to be private and
open the flood gates of complete transparency but maybe a slower approach can reach
the same goal, just taking a longer walk around the park, you might say.
Right?... maybe. By the way we’re here to help each other so I absolutely do
not think you dumped anything on me. Talk about it all, that’s good.
Whats your plans for the day?
@IsayUncle Good morning 💙. Thank you for your message. I really do appreciate you talking to me💙.
I don't have a lot going on today. Hopefully some cleaning and laundry. I didn't sleep well last night so hopefully I will get a nap too.
What about you? Any exciting plans or goals today?
@Psalm139
Yes, thanks for motivating me. I've been sleeping all morning, putting off answering this post until i flipped the the switch to motivate. I think I'll do a goals game to help me along.
Step 1) Make my list.
@IsayUncle
Oh I feel exactly the same . There is this feeling of perpetual tiredness or fatigue that engulfs me and just stops me from even getting up from the bed . I feel like all I want to do is sleep whole day and do nothing . Even little little tasks seem herculean.
@calmsoulmeet
I know, I know... Right? 💚 Do you have any thoughts or tricks that help you break through the mire to do even the smallest task.
The whole/entire task usually overwhelms my brain and then "overwhelm' meets "tired" and they conspire with "nap" to trick me into laying down for a little while.
How can we kick "overwhelm" out of the house? Maybe then we'd have a chance. 😌
@IsayUncle
Perhaps the only trick is breaking down goals into tiny tiny little goals. Atleast that is what people advise me often. Easier said than done though.
And the 'overwhelm' u talked about , seems like it has taken a permanent place in my house . It is no longer a guest . It is a full time member !!!!
@calmsoulmeet
Well, time to kick it out of the house... and it is never a guest, more, like a thief.
A very important thing to know and remember. There is nothing wrong with you. Mankind has battled this problem for all melinia SO you are not at fault here. To help you believe that; I'll share a couple of quotes that prove (over 2500 years ago, people were still trying to get past this). It's important to know it's not you but you should still work on it so you can feel better.
These help me a lot.
“The beginning is the most important part of the work.” Plato
“Begin - to begin is half the work, let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished. “ Marcus Aurelius
Just food for thought... To ponder and absorb.
Remember, there's nothing wrong with you. so if you want, lets start kicking butt. Do you want to join us on a Goals Game Challange? We'll set it up for one day.
@IsayUncle
Thanks Uncle for the pep talk !!!! It indeed is time to kick some butt ! And I better kick it tomorrow ☺️.
Regarding the challenge , I doubt if I will be able to devote that much of a time on 7cups . But if interested I will surely let u know 🙂 ....
Thanks again for motivating me !!!!!
@calmsoulmeet
Your very welcome, It's nice talking with you again. Please stay in touch and let us know how things are going. I do understand the time constraints. Have a good day today and good luck tomorrow.😊
@IsayUncle So sorry, your a little bummed out, right now.
I hope things improve for you.
@Happy900
Thank you very much... and things did improve. Thx.😊
@IsayUncle I truly understand how you feel, I did the exact same thing today (like one load of dishes, one load of laundry, and made eggs and toast for the kids for dinner). It's hard not to beat yourself up about it. But sometimes you just have an off day or bad spell for a little while where you get off track. I guess sometimes our minds need to derail for a while. Telling you, I guess I'm kind of telling myself too, don't let this haunt you or make you feel like a failure of your goals. No mess you left at home has the power to consume you, and you'll get back on track when the time is ready.
@JustCallMePockets
Thanks for your kind words and you are right, sometimes going easy and shutting down a bit is going to happen and not letting it get to you too bad is best. You might say, "Everything worked out in the wash". haha.
"Our minds need to derail sometimes" I like that sentiment/quote. because it's very true. I hope you did well and left very little to haunt you.
@IsayUncle
Hello uncle! . How are u doing ? Were u able to achieve all your goals today ? How much did u score ?
In short were u able to kick some butts today or not ?
@calmsoulmeet
Oh Yea, Great Day! Thank you so much for your kind support. It helps a lot. ❤️